


A Twist of Fate

by AbstractIdea



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Developing Relationship, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Sex, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2019-10-08 22:32:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 50,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17394914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AbstractIdea/pseuds/AbstractIdea
Summary: A rainy night where only death and guilt waited for them was actually the beginning of their real story. Supressed feelings and confusing emotions make the two of them realise for the first time what they meant to each other."All those years he spent trying to murder his enemy were actually a concealment of his true desires."





	1. Rain

**Author's Note:**

> Heya! It's my first time posting a fanfic here, hope you can enjoy it :)
> 
> I've always seen Shizaya fics where their relatonship starts with sex and then cut right to when they are already in love or established, so I wanted to show the whole process, hope I make them justice.
> 
> The sex is a bit explicit, be careful if you're not comfortable with it!
> 
> English is not my first language, so feel free to correct any mistakes!

The rain was heavy, the wind blew strong and the cold was enough to catch anyone unprepared in early summer. Hundreds of colourful umbrellas decorated the streets, for life in Tokyo couldn’t just stop simply because the rainy season had started. And this year the rainy days were apparently in a very tight competition against the sunny days. Middle June saw the sudden and strong start of rains and storms, and now it was the beginning of July and still no rest; water just kept pouring from the sky as if trying to overflow the whole city.

And on that particular day, it just seemed like that. Umbrellas were being torn by the wind, people were running down the streets soppy, soaked and trembling, and the traffic was almost at a halt. Cars honked and drivers would curse at each other. It was chaos in Ikebukuro’s main streets, where a big parcel of the population was concentrated at that time, almost seven in the evening, trying to get to their homes and just dry themselves.

Shizuo was also running. But he wasn’t on the main streets, and he wasn’t running to his cheap apartment to escape the rain like most were. In fact, the rain was the least of his concerns at the moment. He could barely feel it, let alone even realise it was there, pouring with such fierceness and making his hair stick to his forehead.

No. At that moment, the only thing Shizuo cared about, the only thing he could see, was the bastard flea running away from him, trying to squirm his way through dirty and empty alleys to make Shizuo lose sight of him, as he always did whenever the two of them would meet by accident in Ikebukuro. But not this time.

This time, Shizuo was particularly confident that he would finally catch the insect. He had immediately started seeing red and screaming when he suddenly and coincidentally saw the smaller man, shrunken to a corner in some backstreet and talking on his cell phone, initially ignorant of the monster near him, but soon caught by surprise by the thunderous reception Shizuo had thrown at him with a street sign tossed at his direction. And then they were at it again, as always.

Izaya was wearing black as usual. He seemed so small and thin that Shizuo thought the wind would just blow him away. But fleas were persistent, as it seemed. Izaya ran and ran like he always did, only this time, because of the heavy rain, he was being more careful as to not hurt himself when he tried jumping from building to building. In fact, Shizuo was certain that the rain was doing much damage to his runaway plan. He couldn’t see right, he couldn’t run as fast as he normally would, he couldn’t make bold moves jumping around. And to his delight, Shizuo thought that it wasn’t so bad for him.

He felt himself getting closer and closer to the little shit. He was running non-stop, he could only see that black smoke in front of him and nothing else in the world existed, nothing else mattered except to catch him and kill him. Kill him for all he had done, kill him for the insect he was, kill him and eliminate this plague from his life, this constant rage and hate that seemed to guide him.

Yes, killing Izaya would make everything alright again, for Izaya, and only Izaya, was guilty of all the bad things that had happened to Shizuo. The morality of the act didn’t matter anymore. Nor did the brutality of what he was about to do or the consequences. Mairu and Kururi didn’t exist for that moment, so no one would be upset if Izaya was gone. It would be for the best.

And so he ran in silence, eyes focused on his prey, a rhythmic breathing to match his steps, not an ounce of hesitation on his mind.

Izaya had probably sensed the danger. He had made no provocations or insults, he hadn’t dared look back, he had his switchblade in hand but was not confronting Shizuo. It was clear that he had considered his current situation as a lost battle and was just running for his life. A coward, obviously. He was just running as fast as he could, trying to mislead his predator, not realising he was only succeeding at cornering himself at each turn. Shizuo felt a wide smile spread in his face and started laughing out loud. He was sure he would win. Izaya heard him despite the rain. That was how close they were. The flea looked back for the first time since they had started, probably out of surprise for having heard Shizuo’s maniac laugh, but one second later and he was making even more effort to distance himself, to find a way to disappear.

But not this time. Shizuo wouldn’t let him. He wasn’t tired. He couldn’t feel tired now that his body was so pumped up with adrenaline to last enough to catch the bastard and beat him to a bloody pulp. And when Izaya turned a corner and found himself in a dead alley, Shizuo ran even faster. The flea didn’t stop either, for he couldn’t. He knew that stopping meant dying. He ran until there was no more forward room for him to run, then jumped the wall in front of him and started climbing. But Shizuo was faster. He jumped higher and managed to grab Izaya’s ankle, knocking him down, pulling so hard he suspected Izaya must have scratched and broken a few fingernails previously sunk in the wall.

And now they were both falling, and one second later, they were sprawled on the wet ground, and it seemed they would drown themselves in the pouring rain. But Shizuo needed to recognise that although he was a coward, Izaya was still fighting. The flea grunted and immediately got up on stumbling feet, trying to run again, but after conquering so much, Shizuo wouldn’t just let him be. So he got up as well, charging himself at Izaya, effectively catching him for the first time ever, pinning him hard against the wall, hearing his back collide with the concrete. He didn’t give time for the man to speak or react, immediately wrapping his hand around the frail neck and pushing the flea’s head against the wall until he heard a cracking sound, and he began to choke him.

Izaya fought. He kicked even though his whole body was being smashed between Shizuo’s body and the wall, he punched with his free hand and tried to stab Shizuo with his switchblade in his other hand. All of that useless, of course. It was the end for him.

Shizuo grabbed the wrist holding the switchblade and smashed it against the wall as well, pressing the smaller body even further into the hard concrete. When he heard a pitiful choking sound coming from Izaya, he released his hold just enough so the other man could find room to inhale minimum air quantity and could open his eyes. And he saw them – those dark and dangerous orbits, so red and deep and for the first time truly scared, looking at him desperately, showing anger, confusion, and yes, fear. His pupils were dilated, he was soaked to the bone, trembling and shaking all over, though Shizuo didn’t know if it was because of the cold or because of the choking. It didn’t matter anyway.

“I guess this is goodbye then.” He said, in a low and ominous voice, looking deep in those beautiful frightened eyes, waiting for the moment when Izaya realised he would finally get what he deserved and lose it all, waiting for all the relieve and the joy he would finally be able to relish in when he ended that man’s life.

In a second, he was choking the flea again, waiting for that anticipated pleasurable moment. His smile had disappeared, for he was completely focused on his current task. Izaya never stopped fighting, not even when his head was collided a second time against the concrete wall, not even when Shizuo strengthened his hold on his wrist and neck. Izaya closed his eyes and fought against the rain, the desperation, death, the lack of air and Shizuo, all to no avail. Shizuo could have just snapped his neck, as easily as killing a flea, but that would be over too quickly. He wanted to see the light leaving Izaya’s eyes, he wanted the man to be looking at him when his final moments came, he wanted Izaya to suffer a little.

Soon Izaya’s lips were turning blue, and again, Shizuo didn’t know if it was because of the cold or the lack of air. Maybe both. At this stage, he stopped fighting, not because he had given up, but because he didn’t have the strength anymore. His body started losing life, until the hand grabbing Shizuo’s arm fell beside the flea’s body, and Shizuo finally waited for the smile, the relief and the victory to invade his system upon finally having killed his worst enemy.

Except he didn’t feel any of that. He didn’t smile when Izaya choked one last time before his body became lifeless, he didn’t feel anything remotely related to pleasure or joy as he watched the death of a person he hated. The only thing that suddenly and completely invaded his mind as Izaya was dying was that he had become a murderer. That he, with his own hands, had taken a life, had done the very last thing he ever wanted to do with his cursed strength, the only thing with which he had fought against for years and years. As he slowly realised the weight of his actions, his eyes widened in surprise and terror of what he had just done, and his hand moved by its own, releasing the tight grip around Izaya’s neck, now red from the aggression.

And immediately after he released the pressure killing his enemy, he heard the most desperate sound he had ever heard anyone emit. Izaya suddenly inhaled the air as if…well, as if his life depended on it. He inhaled it so deeply and violently that it hurt just to see it, inhaled it as if it was his last chance of surviving, while his chest burned and he remembered what it was like to breathe again. He coughed and gasped, his eyes closed, his mouth open, trying to get as much air as possible, his chest rising and falling so rapidly that the strength still hadn’t returned to his body, and Shizuo watched him fascinated and horrified while the flea fought to breathe, holding his body up so he wouldn’t fall.

For a moment, Shizuo forgot a storm was falling on them. He only had eyes for Izaya and how desperately he was trying to breathe, how he had truly almost died just seconds ago, by Shizuo’s own hands. When Izaya felt the strength returning to him, he dared open his eyes, breathing heavily while he and Shizuo stared at each other in complete confusion. Shizuo could feel the flea’s heart beating so fast he was surprised it hadn’t jumped to Izaya’s mouth. And only then he noticed a thin red string running down Izaya’s neck. Blood. From when I pushed his head against the wall. And he was back at looking in Izaya’s eyes, and how his pupils were so dilated he couldn’t even see the red of his irises anymore. Izaya’s breathing was slowly returning to normal, and Shizuo didn’t know why he had stood there this whole time. Why hadn’t he just run off? He still couldn’t believe he had almost killed another human being, even though it was Izaya. He thought he wanted that; he thought he wanted to see him suffer, agonize in pain and die. He thought it would be the end of his problems.

But he couldn’t do it. In the last moment, he backed off. He couldn’t handle the weight. He didn’t feel happiness while he saw Izaya’s life being drained off of him. He had felt heavy, dirty, evil. He hadn’t felt satisfaction, only a sense of emptiness. He realised he had taken life for granted. His life, Izaya’s life, life in general. And he was now feeling horrified, disgusted at himself.

And he must have lost track of time. Now the red was again visible in Izaya’s eyes, and the man seemed conscious enough that he foolishly tried to fight back. Catching Shizuo by surprise, Izaya freed his hand pinned to the wall, trying to stab Shizuo in the face with his switchblade, grunting as loud as his damaged voice permitted. And when Shizuo suddenly felt the attack and tried to stop it, Izaya kicked him in between the legs to free himself from Shizuo’s hold. But it was such a weak kick and he was still so shaky after having nearly been choked to death that he didn’t make it very far. Before he lost balance and fell to the ground, Shizuo’s body moved on its own again, grabbing Izaya’s arm as if trying to help him. Help him? Why would Shizuo do that?

Izaya, however, mistook Shizuo’s strange act of help for another attack, and tried to fight back again. He kicked and punched, trying to free himself from the monster of Ikebukuro, but Shizuo didn’t let go.

“Hey!” He tried to speak to him, but Izaya wasn’t listening. Shizuo didn’t know what to say after ‘hey’, however. What could you say to someone whom you had just tried to kill and then helped for apparently no reason? But he persisted. “Hey! Izaya!” And it felt like he had said his enemy’s name for the first time. And he pressed Izaya’s body against the wall again, trying to restrict the man’s movements, trying to stop him from frantically trying to attack. “Hey! Izaya!” He dragged those syllables out of his mouth as if it was the most important thing for him to say at that moment. But again, Izaya didn’t listen. Maybe it was the rain, or maybe he was just too busy to listen to Shizuo. He certainly thought the monster of Ikebukuro would try to kill him again.

Seeing as he wasn’t succeeding on getting the man’s attention, Shizuo tried a more violent and direct approach. He used his right hand to grab Izaya by the chin and force him to stop squirming and just look at Shizuo’s face. But when he did that and Izaya’s face was locked in place, and he approached the man to speak, something very strange and unexpected suddenly happened. He didn’t know if he had come too close for comfort or if Izaya had moved his head forward, the only thing he knew was that one second later, their lips were touching and they were kissing.

The seconds before that act had seemed to go by in slow motion and complete silence, and now that they were connected, it all seemed to speed up again, ten times faster, and they were kissing violently; the rain was falling around and over them, noisy and heavy. For the third time in the last hour, his body had moved on its own, actions he couldn’t explain, at least not rationally. He had just wanted to talk to Izaya, but then they were kissing, and their tongues had met, and their teeth collided, and Izaya pulled him closer, and there was a hand at the back of his head, and his own hands were at Izaya’s waist, embracing him in a tight hug, and even in the cold storm, his body felt hot and he felt an urge, a desire he had never felt before. He didn’t know what it was, but it was consuming his whole body at the same speed of their kiss, like it was something he had always wanted to do. He felt his lip being bitten, he let it happen, for it felt good. He pressed Izaya’s body against the wall, not knowing exactly what he was doing, but knowing exactly what he wanted to do.

When Izaya broke the kiss, he was breathing heavily again, just like minutes ago, and Shizuo allowed him to grasp some much needed air, without ever letting him go, moving his lips down to his enemy’s red and bruised neck, kissing and licking as it seemed the most natural thing to do at that moment. And Izaya never pushed him away, but ran his hand all over blonde hair while he bent his neck and soon Shizuo was feeling even hotter and there was a heat in his stomach, and a lust so powerful he felt he wouldn’t be able to control himself this time. His fast-working mind couldn’t find a rational explanation in such a short period of time, so he stopped looking for one. He just followed his body’s instincts.

He could hear Izaya’s desperate breathing, he could feel the taste of his skin and his own lust calling for specific attitudes. Before realising, he was unfastening his belt and pulling his hard cock out, fumbling with his other hand to do the same with Izaya’s pants, pulling them down enough so he could put himself in between and slide his cock inside of his enemy’s body. And not once, not once did Izaya push him away, he was sure of that, and when the smaller man actually pulled him forward, he became even more confident in what he was doing. Izaya’s thighs were soaked in rain water, as was his entrance when Shizuo pressed the tip of his cock against it, and Izaya whined in pain as he felt his insides being stretched, and a pressure so overwhelming he thought he might pass out. He pulled Shizuo forward, grabbing the bartender’s outfit for dear life with one hand as the other grabbed Shizuo’s hair and pulled his face closer. Feeling he was about to scream in pain, Izaya found exposed skin in Shizuo’s neck and bit it hard, screaming while Shizuo pushed himself inside of him, agonizingly slow.

**

It hurt. It hurt so much. But he didn’t want that to stop. His was frenetically searching for an explanation, ever since he had regained consciousness after Shizuo gave up on killing him, but he could find nothing. For the first time in his entire life, his mind was failing him. He was acting on instincts only, his logic completely broken, his reason long forgotten while he willingly accepted the ache and pain Shizuo was putting him through. He clung to his enemy for dear life, biting Shizuo’s neck to muffle his scream of pain while his insides were being torn apart and his legs quivered and he felt he would lose his senses to the pain and the overwhelming desire overtaking his body.

And after what felt like centuries, Shizuo was completely inside of him, and he felt the taste of monster’s blood, but he never stopped biting the bartender’s neck and his cries of pain still hadn’t vanished. He didn’t dare look at the monster of Ikebukuro, he didn’t dare move. It hurt too much; it hurt to breathe, it hurt to swallow, it hurt to scream, it hurt to bite, it hurt to grab Shizuo’s clothes, it hurt to have Shizuo inside of him, it hurt just to stand there. And then he felt fear for the second time that day; fear that Shizuo would simply tear him apart, would kill him slowly and painfully, would rip his insides until he was satisfied and leave him there to die, bleeding, cold, alone. What better punishment for someone like him?

But he waited and waited, his breathing shallow, his tense body screaming at him. And Shizuo stood still, and he could feel the rain freezing him to the bone, sliding down his naked skin and touching him where Shizuo’s cock had first touched him. And then he slowly released his bloody teeth from Shizuo’s skin and just concentrated on breathing and accepting that pain, that new and overwhelming sensation.

And Shizuo waited. He felt Izaya’s body twitch and squirm when he pushed himself inside, yet he didn’t stop, not when Izaya was accepting him, and he in turn accepted the bite and the muffled scream at his neck, and slowly inserted himself inside of the informant. Izaya was tight and hot, and he felt himself melting inside him, even with the cold rain falling non-stop. And when he was completely inside, he stopped dead on his tracks, and the last rational part of his mind yelled at him like an angry mother would scold a naughty child, ‘What do you think you’re doing?’ and he simply had no answer for that, for it felt too good inside of Izaya and he just wanted to hold him and fuck him. But he waited. He didn’t care for Izaya, he hated him, wanted him dead a few minutes ago, yet he waited for the man to stop screaming in pain, he waited until Izaya’s breathing had returned to normal and his body had stopped trembling. It seemed important to wait. It seemed very important to wait until Izaya was comfortable enough. And before the last rational part of his mind could make him stop that, he felt Izaya’s hand twirling his hair, and he sighed and started moving inside of him.

The first thing he heard from Izaya was a pained cry, but the informant’s hand kept caressing his hair like no one else had done before, so he continued. He moved up and down inside of Izaya, slowly first, testing the waters, trying to truly feel the other man, relishing that new sensation, that newfound dangerous pleasure. And before he knew, he was lost.

His pacing increased. He could hear the rain loud enough, but he could also hear the sound of his thrusts, and the way the concrete wall scratched Izaya’s back, and his own moans and sighs while he allowed himself to relish in that feeling. His hands were soon supporting Izaya’s thighs while he thrusted inside him, faster and harder each time, and at that point the last rational part of his mind had already died, along with any sense of reason. He could only feel Izaya.

He felt he was losing his mind very quickly. He wouldn’t last much longer. Izaya’s insides devoured him, painfully and desperately, and he would succumb in no time. And when he heard Izaya moaning for the first time, a breathy, hoarse, loud and dragged moan, carrying in it what he assumed could only be raw pleasure, he unintentionally intensified his thrusts, and when he heard the informant moaning for the second time, he finally came inside of Izaya, and he felt his cum, hot and sticky, and moaned like it was the best feeling he had ever felt, which he was sure it was. And a second later, he felt Izaya coming as well, a third moan escaping from his lips as his body went numb and Shizuo supported him so he wouldn’t fall.

They were breathing heavily, not wanting to think about what they had just done, not wanting to face their actions and the feared consequences. So they remained still, and the rain was finally retreating, like it had been waiting for them. Izaya didn’t let go of Shizuo’s hair and outfit, and Shizuo didn’t let go of Izaya’s body. When their breathing calmed down and they were both completely in control of themselves again, Izaya released Shizuo’s hair, running his hand through the blonde’s neck and shoulder, silently asking him to back away, to give him some space. Shizuo did as he was silently told, carefully releasing him, watching as his shaky legs tried to balance his body on the ground, and soon Izaya was fumbling with his pants, pulling them up and covering his intimate parts while Shizuo did the same.

Then they both looked at each other in the eye, but none found courage to say anything. Eventually, Izaya turned around and started walking away, without a word or notable reaction. Shizuo watched him, noticing the way he seemed to limp and the way he had to support his weight by touching the wall until he was out of the alley. He could see several strings of blood running down the back of his neck, and felt a twinge of guilt.

Even after Izaya had turned the corner and disappeared from his sight, he remained in that same position for what felt like hours. He just couldn’t find the will to move. Everything he had believed so far, everything he thought he wanted so far, everything regarding what he knew towards Orihara Izaya, everything was lost after that. The only thing he could think about was how Izaya’s body had accepted him, and how good it had felt hearing him moan in pleasure.

And then, as he finally decided to start walking towards his house, a much more realistic thought crossed his mind: what had that all meant, and what would happen with them both from now on?

And for the first time in his life, he felt fear.


	2. Why?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> I wanna thank everyone who left kudos, comments and even bookmarked this story, and to everyone that took the time to give this a try!
> 
> Here's chapter 2, hope you like it.

One month had passed since their last encounter, and Shizuo was finding it hard to concentrate on anything else. He still didn’t know what had happened, or how it had come to that, he only knew what he and Izaya had ended up doing amidst the rain in a dirty alley. Even thinking about that was enough to make his mind go crazy, to question his sanity and everything he thought he knew this whole time. He still remembered like it had been just the day before, the way his hatred had almost overcome him and he had almost killed Izaya, only for them to kiss and fuck in the next minutes. Something had to be wrong with that, right?

And he still remembered the way Izaya’s hand caressed his hair, the way he desperately clung to Shizuo’s clothes, and how loud he screamed in pain when Shizuo thrusted inside of him for the first time. He remembered getting home that day and undressing, only to notice red stains on his precious clothes, right where Izaya had grabbed him. _Blood. Izaya’s blood._ The flea’s hands were red as well, at the tip of his fingers, and the blood ran down his hands to touch anything he could find. And then there was a vampire mark on his neck, where Izaya had hidden his head to bite and muffle his pained scream. The mark was not visible anymore by the next day, but Shizuo thought all the marks he had inflicted on Izaya wouldn’t be disappearing so quickly.

The flea’s neck was red and Shizuo’s hand was imprinted on that frail and pale skin. Izaya could barely walk by the time they were finished, bleeding from the times Shizuo had collided his head against the wall, and when he thought about the sex…he couldn’t remember how much strength he had put into his thrusts. He only knew he had decided to listen to his body’s instincts, and that he had thrusted according to his desire; Izaya was pretty much alive after they had finished, but Shizuo couldn’t stop thinking that he might have hurt him with his brute force; it was the reason why he hadn’t had sex in so long. The idea of hurting someone during an act that was supposed to bring them enjoyment was simply disgusting to him.

And then there was the most important question: it had been _Izaya_ , of all people. Why? Why had he felt that urge, that desire so powerful overcome him, that lust for Izaya, of all people? He couldn’t understand. He had never felt attracted towards the flea before, he had never thought of fucking him before, or even forgiving him for all he had done. Then why had he wanted to kiss him? Why had he accepted that intimate moment to have happened, why had his body urged him to hold that horrible, evil and terrible man and just kiss him and hold him? Why had he felt relieved the first time he heard Izaya moaning in pleasure? He should’ve felt disgust for touching the man like that and for allowing Izaya to touch him like he had as well. Yet he hadn’t.

After he realised the horror of what he had almost done – killing Izaya, becoming a remorseless murderer and finally turning into the monster he had tried his whole life to keep dormant – something must have snapped inside of him. He hadn’t let Izaya escape, but instead he caught him again and called his name like he wanted to say some meaningful thing, maybe even _apologise_ , and then they were kissing and his mind went blank and desire overtook him.

He didn’t like thinking about that too much. Because nothing made sense. His actions didn’t make sense, his feelings didn’t make sense. It was as if that had been the ultimate release he had been looking for all those years. The relief he couldn’t obtain from killing Izaya, he had obtained fucking him. Like all his life had been a lie. As if all those years he spent trying to murder his enemy were actually a concealment of his true desires.

No. It couldn’t be.

Yet it was.

When Shizuo had wrapped his hand around pale neck and watched as Izaya slowly died agonizing, he hadn’t felt minimum satisfaction, only disgust and horror. Yet when he was inside of Izaya, fucking him, feeling him, he didn’t feel the disgust associated with the man, but he felt the same satisfaction he hoped he could find when killing him.

And it had been so good.

He still hated the man. He had no doubt of that. When he realised the broken logic behind his latest actions, he suffered a fit of rage like none before. He screamed and destroyed, thinking that it wasn’t fair, that he should have killed the bastard flea, that he should’ve felt happy when the son of a bitch was dying instead of getting pleasure from kissing him. He felt it was the biggest irony ever. If God existed, he sure enjoyed some oddly dark humour.

And after destroying what was in his way for not accepting his newfound feelings for Izaya, he always smoked a cigarette or ten to calm down and try to think of a possible explanation that didn’t involve conflicting emotions of desire and hatred.

And then his mind always ended up wandering towards the responsible for all that crazy shit: Orihara Izaya himself, the man he most hated, the man he wanted dead and the man he wanted to kiss again. Why had Izaya accepted him? Why hadn’t he tried to fight against Shizuo when he realised what the blonde was trying to do? Why had his hand felt so soft caressing Shizuo’s hair and why had he allowed Shizuo in between his legs and had even come and cried in pleasure? Why hadn’t Izaya tried to distance himself, pushed Shizuo far away, tried to stab him in the heart for daring to touch him that way?

Shizuo was beyond confused. He wondered how Izaya was feeling. He remembered seeing the horrified and scared look in the man’s eyes when he thought Shizuo would choke him to death, and then felt Izaya’s desperation as he tried to escape his grip one more time, only for him to accept Shizuo’s lips minutes later. Maybe Izaya didn’t care for all of that. Maybe he hadn’t felt anything; maybe it had all been a sick plan of his to try to escape death by tricking Shizuo into doing that to him. When he thought of that last possibility, Shizuo shook his head; not even Izaya would try to do that, something so risky and so out of their normal behaviour towards each other. Whatever it was that had happened between them, it had to be confusing for Izaya as well.

And now he thought about what would happen when they would meet each other again. Should Shizuo just try to kill him again and hope he could manage this time? Should he just ignore him? Should he try to talk to him to understand this whole new and weird situation? Or should he just try to kiss him again, like his body kept telling him to do? 

He just wanted to know why. Was that too much to ask? He just wanted to understand the meaning of his actions and how contradictory they really were when compared to his true feelings. Because he knew his hatred for Izaya hadn’t changed a bit. He still wished him dead; he still felt a mixture of anger, resentment and outrage every time he thought about the little shit.

But perhaps the only way to clarify all of that was confronting the reason, the chore of his anxiety: Izaya himself.

A month had passed, and no signs of the little shit in Ikebukuro again. Maybe he had chickened out, decided to run away forever. Or maybe he was just taking his time before showing up with a hazardous plan that would potentially destroy the whole city. Either way, Shizuo had no way of knowing when he would show up again.

**

The rainy season had finally come to an end. Now the days were sunny, bright and unbearably hot. Shizuo was trying his best not to get too stressed out in his daily job with Tom-san and Vorona, but after Shizuo’s third outburst of rage, Tom-san had decided to give them the rest of the day off before his employee ended up killing someone.

But it was only mid-afternoon, and there was nothing to do in his apartment, so Shizuo decided to hang out in the South Park of Ikebukuro, seated alone on a park bench, letting the sun burn him, smoking his cigarettes, watching people go by and trying not to think about a certain flea. He was in his third cigarette when a familiar shadow crossed his vision. Looking up, he saw Celty standing up beside him, in her black rider suit and yellow helmet. She seemed tired when she let herself drop on the bench beside him.

“Hey, Celty. Long time no see. You seem…tired.” He greeted her, and she lazily picked her PDA from one of her breast pockets and slowly typed.

[Hi Shizuo. Well, yes, I’m exhausted. I’ve been running up and down the city for the past three days without proper rest, transporting items from client to client. When I saw you seated here, I thought I could use a break too.]

“Don’t overdo yourself, it might be bad for your health.” He sounded concerned. Celty just seemed discouraged.

[Well, it’s not like I’m going to die because of it…I just really needed to sit for five minutes before getting back to work again.]

“Feels like you need much more than five minutes. Why don’t you take the rest of the day off and continue tomorrow?” Celty was his most precious friend, so even though he knew she was a tough immortal fantastic creature, Shizuo still worried about her, and wanted to help, because she always did the same for him.

[I wish I could, but I can’t mess up this job.]

“Well, just be careful not to do something dangerous or hurt yourself.”

[I’m only doing this for the money, actually. Shinra and I need to buy a lot of things, so it could be useful. And, well, Izaya said he would only pay me the full amount if the job was done perfectly.] Shizuo spent a long time reading that sentence and trying to process it. Then he looked at Celty and his eyes were darker, and only now she must’ve realised she had written the forbidden word for Shizuo. She immediately started panicking.

Her shoulders tensed, she looked up and down and shivered, then tried to make weird gestures with her hands and finally settled on typing desperately. [C-c-c-alm d-d-d-down, Shizuo! Please don’t be mad! I shouldn’t have said that, I should NOT have said that! It wasn’t on purpose, I think I’m so tired I’m starting to lose focus!!] She barely gave him time to read the complete sentence before she was typing again. [And not that I’m insinuating that Izaya was the one who gave me this job, because he totally wasn’t! Hahaha! So nothing to worry about, just forget what I said, please just forget and don’t get mad, the day is beautiful today, and this has nothing to do with Izaya or the fact that he’s here today, so you’ve got not nothing to worry about–]

“Izaya’s here today?!” He peeked at her screen while she was frantically typing and screamed when she revealed yet another bit of information. Celty froze up immediately, as if realising she had just made the worst mistake of her life.

Then she slowly, slowly looked at Shizuo and slowly, slowly nodded with her helmet, only enough for Shizuo to see the movement. Shizuo thought she would lie to him, but maybe she thought it would be better not to. He was the monster of Ikebukuro after all. Not knowing what to do with that information, Shizuo picked another cigarette and started smoking fast, wiggling his leg, not knowing if he was feeling anger or…whatever. When Celty realised he wouldn’t attack her, she rapidly typed some more.

[I know you don’t like him, Shizuo, but he’s not worth it. These fights aren’t good for you. Besides…] She hesitated before typing again and reluctantly showed him the screen [Besides, I really need him alive at the end of the day so I can have my payment. Otherwise, what have I been working for all this time?]

Shizuo didn’t answer immediately, just smoked some more until the whole cigarette was just ashes, then closed his fist and looked at Celty. “What’s that fleabag planning this time?”

[Huh?] That was not the reaction Celty was expecting.

“Sending you up and down the city to transport suspicious shit and talk to suspicious people, being here…he’s definitely planning something bad.” His voice was low and ominous. Celty shivered again.

[I know it seems like that, but it’s really not a big deal this time. Don’t worry about it.]

“He wants you to think that way, Celty.” Celty remained silent for some time. “I really want to punch him in the face now.” Celty tensed her shoulders and was ready to type, but Shizuo saved her the trouble. “Don’t worry, I’ll wait until he pays you.” She seemed conflicted about something, but in the end decided it was futile to try to stop him and just let her shoulders drop, defeated.

[I’m sorry, Shizuo. I shouldn’t have concerned you with any of this.]

“It’s okay. It’s always good to know what your enemy’s up to.”

[Anyway, I should get going now. If you have any problems, just call me.]

“Yeah, you too. Be safe.” And they waved goodbye. Celty dragged herself to her bike like that was the last thing she wanted to do at the moment and Shizuo was left alone to contemplate what he would do next.

So Izaya was in the neighbourhood. It was annoying, because that always meant he was planning something, ruining people’s lives, messing with the harmony there, or just spreading his horrible flea scent around. On the other hand, if he could confront Izaya about what had happened the other time…it could be the worst decision of his life. He had never tried to have a proper conversation with the insect because insects buzzing in his ears had always annoyed him; but he felt like he needed to catch one by the wings and ask what was the deal with it. Izaya _had_ to have some opinion of his own about what they’d done in the rain last month.

After a few minutes scratching his hair, he got up and decided to walk to calm himself down. The mere idea of only being in Izaya’s proximity was enough to get him all prickly, but it was something he had to endure in order to leave that…thing behind him. So he went to Russia Sushi first, and talked to Simon about anything just to pass time. Then he bumped into Kadota’s group and had to count silently from one to ten every time Yumasaki or Karisawa said something annoying and he would get the insane need to throw Togusa’s van at them. Then he watched street artists performing songs, dances and magic shows; then he went to Sunshine City and strolled inside the building, leaving as soon as he started to feel irritated by some idiot people inside; then he strolled around the main streets of Ikebukuro, smoking and passing time until the sun was setting and he got a text message from Celty.

[ _I just got my payment, now I’ll be able to buy that new DVD set I’ve been looking online. The only thing I’ll say to you, Shizuo, is that…it’s really not worth it. You’re better than him. Please don’t endanger yourself and do as he likes. If you need to talk to me, just call. I’m here to help. Have a good evening and don’t do anything crazy!_ ]

Shizuo knew she was worried about him and Izaya killing each other, and he should probably listen to her, but he couldn’t. Of course, she had no idea what had happened between them, so she couldn’t understand his need to meet Izaya. He was anxious, nervous, irritated. He had been tormented by that thought relentlessly for the past month. He had to understand what was going on. He needed to see Izaya.

So as soon as he finished reading her message, he sprinted towards the streets, getting away from the crowds and entering side streets and empty alleys, looking for any sign of Izaya he could get before the man decided to run away. He wondered if Izaya might be hiding himself in a deserted area, because he was always acting through the shadows, so he started going deeper and deeper into the city, looking around everywhere, walking up and down strange, unfamiliar and dangerous streets.

And then, he felt it. Izaya’s scent in the air, faint, almost gone, but it was there. It was a trace, and he began following it, going where his instincts told him to go, where the flea scent was stronger, and he started turning corners as the smell invaded his nostrils. Izaya’s smell, for certain. He could sense the flea from miles away. He didn’t mind being often compared to a dog, as long as the comparisons came from Tom-san, Vorona or Celty. He liked dogs, and that ability of his had become useful a number of times before. And then he turned a street corner and he was sure Izaya was there. The smell couldn’t be stronger anywhere else.

The sun had completely set; the street was deserted and completely dark, but he waited. And then a door opened, and Shizuo went behind a vending machine, and heard people talking in hushed voices, all male voices. Then two of the voices became louder and clearer; one was Izaya’s, easily recognizable, and the other belonged to a middle-aged, bald fat man smoking a cigar.

“Thank you for your services tonight, Orihara-san” The man said as he escorted Izaya out of the building.

“My pleasure doing business with you, Yamanaka-san. Now we just have to wait for their reply.” The fat man exchanged more suspicious words with Izaya and soon closed the door, leaving the flea alone in the street. Alone with Shizuo.

He carefully stepped aside from his hideout and took two steps in Izaya’s direction, not knowing if he should just chase him like usual, call him or attack him without previous notice. But Izaya was faster. He sensed Shizuo and soon his body was turning, and Shizuo saw a sharp and bright object being thrown at him. He dodged it, although caught by surprise, and when Izaya realised who he was dealing with, he smiled, though Shizuo couldn’t see it, and soon had another switchblade held up in his hand.

“Oh, if it isn’t Shizu-chan!” Just the sound of his voice was enough to leave Shizuo on edge. He grunted. Izaya was acting like he always did, like nothing had happened between them last time. “Want to play with me tonight?”

And then Shizuo was preparing to run and Izaya darted away as fast as he could. This time, there was no rain to slow Izaya down, and his black clothes made it easier for him to camouflage in the darkness, making it difficult for Shizuo to follow him. But he persisted. He wouldn’t let Izaya escape him, just like he had done the previous time. He concentrated on Izaya’s scent mixed with cigars and sweat, and soon was on his lead. Izaya led them through dirty streets, but he was soon slowing down. Just like Celty, he must be tired from doing shitty stuff all day. Despite the hot night, Shizuo never stopped, and soon he was close, and Izaya turned a corner and they were in a deserted and narrow street, lit by a few lamp posts. Izaya suddenly turned his body and became face to face with Shizuo. Shizuo was surprised to see that the flea was smiling like an excited child. He was breathing heavily and his hand holding the switchblade was raised again.

“Will you try to kill me again, Shizu-chan?” He spoke in intervals, trying to catch his breath. “Though I must remind you how pathetically you failed last time.”

“What’re you planning in this city now?” It wasn’t really the question he wanted to ask, but he couldn’t avoid it. It just annoyed him to no end to know that Izaya was plotting shitty misdeeds right under his nose.

Izaya scoffed. “Do you really think I’m going to tell you?”

“If I notice that there is something minimal going on in my city, I swear I’ll break your limbs one by one, Izaya-kun.” He knew his voice was dangerous, but Izaya’s smile was beginning to irritate him. How could Izaya be reacting so normally towards him after what they had done last time?

“Just like you strangled me last time, Shizu-chan? And here I am, alive and well.” Izaya extended his arms for a second before assuming his fight position again. That only served to piss Shizuo off, but before he could retort to that, Izaya was charging at him, attacking him, trying to slice him with his blade.

Shizuo took a big step back just in time to escape having his chest cut. “What the fuck?!” And then Izaya was aiming at him again, and he was getting to the limit of his patience. He realised he wouldn’t be able to talk to Izaya. The man didn’t deserve his patience. It probably hadn’t meant anything for Izaya. And now he was about to become the victim if he wasn’t careful.

So he decided to just forget about that whole night, pretend that nothing had happened; it wouldn’t do him any good. Izaya was the same as ever; clearly that hadn’t had any effect on him; it wasn’t worth it. If he considered his actions of that night as a natural disaster, he would be able to let it go easier. So he darkened his expression, cleared his confused mind and decided to hunt some fleas.

And he charged at Izaya. They were soon fighting. The street was narrow and poorly lit, yet Izaya would aim perfectly at him, even managing to cut Shizuo on the arm, cheek, hand and belly, but those were shallow cuts; they barely itched; but the knife had ruined the clothes Kasuka had gotten him, so now he was even more pissed. He grunted and roared, jumping at Izaya, trying to punch and kick him. Izaya hissed and dodged to the side, but before he could start running again, Shizuo managed to catch him by the arm. Izaya didn’t try to escape, but leaned forward, trying to distract Shizuo with his sudden action, trying to kick him in his private parts.

For a moment, everything became unclear. They fought some more, punching and kicking, Izaya trying to stab him in the face multiple times, and Shizuo’s hand found its way around Izaya’s neck again, but the flea managed to knee him in the stomach, but Shizuo was soon on his feet and grabbed the bastard again, pushing him against the wall violently. Izaya grunted in pain, but before Shizuo could punch him in the face, Izaya’s face got closer and his free arms pulled Shizuo by the hair towards him and they were kissing again.

Just like the other time, everything happened so quickly. Seconds ago, they were fighting, trying to hurt themselves with fists and blades, and it had somehow led to another kiss. But this time was different. The first time, Shizuo couldn’t be sure what had started it; he didn’t know if it had been a lapse from his part or from Izaya’s part, he didn’t know if it had been an accident, he didn’t know if he had unintentionally started it or if Izaya had, in his desperation to free himself.

But right now, as Izaya’s warm lips enveloped his, he was sure that it had been Izaya the one to start it. His mind was set on punching the flea’s face, but soon Izaya was trying to get closer to him, and he could feel Izaya’s hands at the back of his head, intertwining with his messy hair and literally pulling him forward like they were magnets. He was sure Izaya had done that on purpose.

And if seconds ago he could only think about hurting the bastard, now he was surrendering to his desires, his mind going blank, his thoughts a distant turmoil, only wanting to get lost in the taste of Izaya’s mouth. The kiss soon turned violent, their teeth collided and he bit flesh and lips; he could still feel both of Izaya’s hands on the back of his neck, preventing him from escaping, and his own hands moved on their own accord, one to Izaya’s cheek and the other to his waist.

Why were they doing that again? Shizuo felt like he needed a logical explanation for that, but he couldn’t make himself stop; he didn’t want to; he just wanted to stay like that for a long time; it felt too good. He had never kissed someone with such fierceness, yet Izaya went along with him, and his body just shouted for more. He wanted more; he lusted for that man, as scary as that might sound; he needed an explanation, but he didn’t want one. He just wanted to lose himself in that feeling.

Soon his skin felt hot, burning his body from inside out; he was sweaty and could feel his cock getting harder each time Izaya bit his lips like he wanted to rip them apart. He pressed Izaya’s body further into the wall, running his hand through the man’s abdomen, lifting his shirt a little, only to reveal pale and delicate skin, and soon was fumbling with Izaya’s pants. Izaya did the same with his, and Shizuo could swear he saw Izaya laughing softly in his lips. He pulled the man’s pants down completely, and soon his dick was free as well, in Izaya’s hand, and he bit his enemy’s lip hard, shocking the smaller body against the wall, spreading his legs and positioning himself between them.

He could barely breathe while Izaya kept devouring his mouth, but since the flea was not doing any better, he suddenly broke the kiss to take a deep breath while he positioned himself in his enemy’s entrance and pushed himself inside of him. Izaya did the exact same thing he had done last time. His hands grabbed Shizuo’s clothes for support, he hid his face in the crook of Shizuo’s neck and bit his skin hard, muffling a scream while Shizuo entered him.

At the time, Shizuo didn’t stop to think about what Izaya must be feeling physically, because he was so overwhelmed with his own desires; he only thought it must hurt, for Izaya shivered and bit him until he draw blood, crying in pain as Shizuo’s cock slid inside of him; but he thought it should be okay, because Izaya wrapped his legs around his waist, one of his legs naked, the other with the pants and underwear pulled halfway up, and pulled Shizuo’s body closer while his hands refused to let go of Shizuo’s clothes.

And before his mind could rationalise anything else and make him question the logic of what he was doing again, Izaya was breathing fast and out of rhythm in his neck, grunting softly. When he pulled Shizuo’s body closer, Shizuo saw it as his cue to start moving. And he did, after the initial sensation had subsided. He moved inside of Izaya like he had done the last time, and just like last time, it felt amazing. He didn’t care if someone caught them there. He didn’t care the street was dirty, he didn’t care Izaya was his most hated enemy, he only cared about that moment. So he thrusted in and out of the informant, sighing near Izaya’s ear, relishing the feeling he would get fucking his enemy like that. And then Izaya was sighing with him, and for a moment there was nothing wrong with what he was doing.

He increased the pacing as his thrill intensified, and Izaya moaned hoarsely when he hit a particular spot inside of him, and soon he was hitting that same spot again, earning little cries of pleasure from Izaya, and he decided he liked that. And then Izaya bit his neck again and he thrusted harder, and the flea squirmed and whined out loud, and Shizuo was sure he would come in no time, so he grabbed Izaya’s hard cock without thinking straight and pumped him, earning yet another moan from him and soon he was coming hard, followed by Izaya right after, and the smaller man quivered and went numb while the orgasm messed with their minds. He filled Izaya’s ass with his cum, and Izaya’s cum was sticky in his hand, but he didn’t care, for it all felt too good.

He kept supporting Izaya’s body, holding his thighs, and now that he was regaining his sense of self, he prayed that he hadn’t grabbed Izaya’s thighs with too much force so he hadn’t left bruises. And he waited until Izaya had calmed down, listening silently to his deep intakes of breath, feeling his heart beating fast in his chest, feeling Izaya’s hand running absentmindedly through his hair.

And when Izaya lifted his face from Shizuo’s neck and looked at his enemy with a lazy and tired look in his eyes, Shizuo locked his face there and stared at him, trying to make sense of all of that. They had done it again. Izaya had kissed him and pulled him close and soon they were lost. Izaya’s lips were red and swollen, half-open; his cheeks were visibly red even in the dark street and his eyes were dark, his pupils so dilated that the red of his eyes were black and deep, apparently still lost.

And before Shizuo’s mind could explode in doubts and confusion, he asked in a hushed and hoarse voice, “Why?”

Izaya widened his eyes and closed his mouth, but never answered.

As if he didn’t know the answer himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all for today, and I promise I'm going somewhere with this fic! Let's just say that while they're trying to figure out their situation, there will be more of, well...you know.
> 
> Feel free to correct any mistakes I might have made.
> 
> See you next chapter :)


	3. Fun

He had given up trying to understand what was happening between himself and Izaya. He was tired of tormenting himself trying to explain his actions, he was tired of overwhelming his mind with theories and thoughts, he was sick of thinking about that, and instead, had come to accept the facts. He couldn’t change the past. He couldn’t change what he had felt when he was inside of Izaya, he couldn’t change the fact that his body and mind had chosen to do those things with his most hated enemy.

Maybe it was futile to look for some logical explanation anyway. Maybe there wasn’t one to begin with. A lot of people did things without primary reason. There were a lot of natural mysteries about the world that no one had been able to explain. So it only felt normal to classify himself and Izaya as one of those mysteries. Certain things shouldn’t be questioned, just accepted, as illogical and irrational as they might seem.

So he just accepted the weird fact that he and Izaya had fucked twice. There was nothing more to it, it was just a fact, just like it was a fact that the universe was endless although this concept was hard to grasp. It was a simple fact of life, just like all living things would die, and it sucked, but it was something he just had to accept because he couldn’t change it.

And when he finally allowed himself to stop thinking too hard about that, when he stopped being angry and blaming himself for something he couldn’t have predicted, he found it was much easier to just accept it. Even his daily mood had improved now that he wasn’t on edge anymore about finding Izaya jogging around the city and not knowing what to do. The only thing he would think about when he remembered what had happened between them wasn’t the fact that he hated Izaya or that he shouldn’t have done that, or why he should’ve felt disgusted but didn’t; it was the fact that it had been good. Kissing Izaya felt good. Fucking him felt good, hearing him moaning was good; the whole thing was weird, but he guessed it was better than trying to kill each other.

And his days continued to pass him by as always. Two weeks without seeing Izaya, the middle of August and the high point of summer, getting pissed off at work but calming down after eating ice cream with Tom-san and Vorona, then finish his shift and find Celty on the streets and talking to her about how happy she was with all the new stuff she had bought with Izaya’s dirty money, and hearing about how she had discovered the existence of a group of pixies leaving in a forest nearby and wanted to visit them with Shinra. And then Kasuka would call to announce he would be filming in Ikebukuro and they could go out and chat like they hadn’t done in ages, and Shizuo felt everything was going back to normal again.

Or at least, almost normal.

While it was true that he wasn’t pulling his hair in desperation to figure out what had happened between him and Izaya anymore, he still couldn’t avoid thinking about Izaya himself every now and then. The truth was that he wanted to meet Izaya again, he wanted to relish in that feeling again; he ignored the fact that he still hated the man and focused only on savouring his body once more. Before he knew it, he was comparing Izaya with his cigarettes; the first time he smoked one, he felt weird, like he was doing something wrong, obscene and disgusting; before he knew it, he was on his second one, then on his third, and soon he had developed an habit, or what most people would call, ‘addiction’.

He didn’t know if he wanted to get addicted on Izaya. It seemed like a very dangerous thing, a path from which there was no turning back; and his desire for Izaya was much greater than his desire for the third cigarette had been; Izaya was like an illegal drug, prone to cause all sorts of bad things and injuries, destroying his body slowly from the inside, but impossible to give up. The flea had been accumulating in his system for more than ten years ever since they’d first met. But he had taken his time, harmless at first, only a minor annoyance, but now the true effects of his constant presence in Shizuo’s life were beginning to show. And after really tasting him for the first time, Shizuo found himself wanting that taste again, and after the second time, he found that he still desired him.

It was scary. He had never felt that towards anyone else. He didn’t know what that was. On one hand, it was good that he had accepted the fact that they had done that; on the other, sometimes he would start thinking about the possible consequences for that, and he realised he didn’t want to deal with any. He wanted nothing to do with Izaya and his corrupted life. He lusted for him, it was true, but it was just that, on a purely physical level. There wouldn’t be any bad consequences if they just kept it up exactly the way it was, only a moment’s thing, no talking and no thinking too hard on what the whole thing meant, always reminding himself that no matter what happened, he still hated the little shit.

So he continued with his life, pretending that nothing had happened, but craving the taste of Izaya again, hoping to find him roaming around the streets of Ikebukuro and charge at him. Even though the urge to kill him was still there, the urge to fuck him was stronger; he had enjoyed kissing him a million times more than he had enjoyed choking him. And he thought that maybe Izaya couldn’t complain much; his life had been spared because of that after all.

**

The sun was almost set in the sky, and Tom-san was cleaning the sweat from his forehead with a handkerchief as they were making their way to the last victim of their shift. It was a bother that they would have to be working until nightfall, but some debtors only appeared at night, and they needed to collect the money. Vorona was talking about Russia and how she was planning on going there soon; Tom-san engaged in the conversation; he seemed to like Vorona. Shizuo was keeping his cool, smoking lazily and trailing behind them, looking left and right every time he thought he saw a flea buzzing around.

He hadn’t even bothered with the victim this time. The man was so pathetic he kneed on the floor when he saw who they were, apologised a hundred times and held a bag full of money to them, begging to be spared, that he didn’t want to die now that he had found himself a real girlfriend. Shizuo knew he was famous in town and everyone thought they could die just by looking at him; he didn’t like that, though; if people would just leave him alone when he asked, he wouldn’t beat them so much. Tom-san smiled uncomfortably and collected the money bag, thanking the man and closing the door while Shizuo sighed, impatient.

“Well, that was easier than I thought.” Tom-san sighed relieved when he realised Shizuo wasn’t mad with the guy for being such a crybaby. “We could have dinner now before beginning our night shift, what do you guys think?”

“I can confirm my need to ingest food before the next mission.” Vorona announced in her weird Japanese.

“What about you, Shizuo? Fancy some sushi tonight?” Shizuo suddenly stopped thinking about Izaya and tried not to seem too lost answering.

“Huh…yeah…sounds good.”

And as they were making their way through the crowded streets to Russia Sushi, Shizuo saw him. Wearing black as usual, a devilish smile on his face as usual, the cheerful voice as usual, talking to suspicious-looking people as usual, trading bags full of flea shit for dirty money. Shizuo felt the heat boiling him up from inside out and his vision focused only on his prey.

“Actually, Tom-san, Vorona, you can go without me.” He said suddenly. 

Tom-san looked at his expression. “Why, what happened, Shizuo?” And he noticed how ominous Shizuo’s eyes seemed in the night; he turned his head in the same direction Shizuo was looking. “Oh. Er…you know you don’t have to buy into his provocations, right? The night is so beautiful…why don’t we just have a nice dinner?” He talked nervously, trying to convince Shizuo not to do something crazy. Vorona didn’t help.

“Question: is that man an enemy? Should we start elimination?”

“Don’t worry, Vorona. Just go get your dinner. Sorry, Tom-san. I’ll meet you here in one hour.” Tom sighed, knowing there was nothing he could do to stop the terror that would soon fall upon Ikebukuro when those two started fighting.

“Just don’t do anything stup– Shizuo!” And Shizuo was already running towards his archenemy.

Izaya immediately noticed him, said some hushed words to the man he was talking to and soon they were at it again. The whole city was more than used to their chases and fights, and they knew the smartest thing to do whenever that happened was just stay out of their way and hope they wouldn’t become casualties of their errands. Someone always called the police, but they didn’t care, they were never caught, they just played their never ending game of cat and mouse like they had done a million times before.

Except this time was different, and they both knew that. Izaya wasn’t running away from him, at least it was what Shizuo expected. He was leading him to a secret, dark and deserted place where they could forget about everything else but one another. Shizuo abandoned the traffic sign he had picked up earlier as soon as the crowd had dissipated and they began entering deeper into the city. He could hear Izaya laughing cheerfully and felt like he was in a horror movie and dead children would pop up from any corner to kill him.

Izaya kept a steady pacing, looking back sometimes, smiling discreetly. After running for twenty minutes non-stop, Shizuo finally caught him standing in yet another deserted street, leaning into a wall, his hands on his jacket pockets, his expression lazy and amused.

“Beautiful night, isn’t it?” He said matter-of-factly. Shizuo didn’t dare look at the moon and stars and lose sight of him. “Did Shizu-chan come for the fun again tonight?” He grunted, showing the man how impatient he was, torn between the need to fight him and fuck him.

Then Izaya’s smile widened, and Shizuo thought he looked like the devil, tempting him into a sin that would make him feel good for a time, but that later would make him regret bitterly. Izaya straightened his body, and for the first time Shizuo noticed they were in front of an old and closed convenience store. The parking lot was empty and there were no lights inside. Izaya started walking lazily to the back of the store, giving Shizuo a suggestive look to follow.

Shizuo raised an eyebrow, silently asking ‘what the hell do you think you’re doing?’, to which Izaya smiled and answered in a whisper.

“I don’t have a kink for public sex, Shizu-chan. Don’t want anyone interrupting.” Although surprised by the nonchalant way Izaya had said that, Shizuo was glad to know they agreed on that. No one had caught them so far, but he didn’t want to think about the dreadful possibility of being found doing such a thing in a dirty street. And it didn’t seem like anyone would come to an abandoned store in an outskirt street at night. The place was poorly lit, and the world seemed to turn from dark blue to black.

And it was, in a certain way, almost impossible to think that Izaya would want to fuck again. There was no reason at all for them to be doing it, yet there they were, an unspoken agreement between them, the desire overwhelming the need to hate and kill.

But Shizuo didn’t want to think about that too much; he didn’t want to think about his actions, he just wanted to act, give his body what it wanted without asking why, and at that moment, it wanted Izaya, miserable, liar, disgraced Izaya, and soon he was pressing the smaller body against the wall and kissing him. Izaya laughed softly against his lips, pulling at his clothes, using one of his knees to tease Shizuo’s crotch over his pants.

So they kissed and bit and touched again, unaware of the world around them, shunning the rational parts of their minds and submitting themselves to their bodies’ desires. Izaya was a good fuck, and nothing more. He was a useful scapegoat, a convenient way for Shizuo to get some release. And he grunted when he felt Izaya’s hand caressing his hardening cock over his pants, and he put both of his hands on either side of Izaya’s cheeks and kissed him violently, pressing their bodies close and feeling Izaya’s hand fumbling with his pants. And then his cock was free, enveloped in his enemy’s hand, and he prepared to position himself in between Izaya’s legs, but the smaller man suddenly broke the kiss and put a finger on his lips. Caught by surprise, distrusting the evil look in Izaya’s eyes, Shizuo prepared to complain, but then Izaya was lowering himself, getting on his knees, and his face was at the level of Shizuo’s hard cock, and when the informant opened his mouth, Shizuo spoke desperately.

“What do you think you’re doing?!” He screamed whispering, not knowing if he should feel disgusted or excited. To tell the truth, he was more horrified than confused.

Izaya simply looked up, raising an eyebrow like he was doing the most obvious thing in that situation. “If I let you fuck me raw one more time, I might die because of your brutish strength. And since we don’t have lube, we’ll have to improvise. Now shut up and let me, Shizu-chan. Don’t ruin this.” And he swallowed Shizuo’s cock at once, making him see white immediately.

Shizuo never bothered thinking much about how difficult and painful it was for Izaya to take his hard cock inside him with no preparation at all. It must hurt; Shizuo remembered how the flea had muffled his scream by biting Shizuo’s neck when his interior was being invaded. To tell the truth, he hadn’t thought much about it because he didn’t feel much sympathy for the other’s comfort, and since Izaya had never stopped him, he thought it was fine. Somehow he knew since the first time Izaya would be able to take him.

But maybe the flea hadn’t enjoyed being fucked with no preparation that much; Shizuo was admittedly scared when he realised what the man was intending to do. He had never received a blowjob and never thought Izaya would be the one to change that. Everything still seemed so surreal that it was hard for him to accept a lot of things at the same time; but when he felt Izaya’s mouth closing in on his cock, he saw starts and moaned hoarsely. Izaya put one hand at the base of his cock for support, and started to move his head, sucking. To his surprise, Izaya didn’t seem inexperienced on that, but it felt amazing anyway. And if at the beginning, the thought of his enemy sucking him would’ve seemed weird and horrifying, now he just wanted to relish in that. He looked down and watched the way Izaya’s mouth was full with his cock, and felt a kind of evil pleasure for having his enemy at his knees swallowing his cock. He could feel Izaya’s tongue running down his length, his saliva moistening his skin and how good it felt having that shameless act being done to him like that. He felt it was a good place for Izaya to be: on his knees, blowing him while Shizuo’s hand rested on the top of his head, feeling silky black hair and fighting the urge to pull at them. It felt good. He couldn’t take his eyes off of that image; it was so hot and unbelievable.

Izaya couldn’t take his whole dick in his mouth, but he would swallow what he could and pump the base with his hand. Shizuo supported his body by leaning his hand on the wall while Izaya continued his wonderful ministrations. It was so good that he didn’t want to think of anything else. And when Izaya thought it was enough, he slowly withdrew Shizuo’s cock from his mouth, looking up innocently, and his gaze locked with Shizuo’s, and the blonde saw a thread of saliva connecting the head of his cock and Izaya’s mouth. Then Izaya leaned forward again to give a quick kiss on the head before slowly standing up again and finding Shizuo’s blushed face and how his breathing was irregular. When Izaya showed him a mischievous smile and opened his mouth to say some mockery and ruin everything, Shizuo kissed him deeply, feeling a desperate urgency to take him right at that moment.

Izaya’s pants were down already, and when he abruptly started to push himself inside, he heard a pained moan from the smaller man and let Izaya rest his forehead on his shoulder and grab his clothes while the flea’s insides were being stretched. Shizuo had to admit that this time it was easier to insert himself, and Izaya hadn’t screamed so loud while he made his way inside him.

And as soon as Izaya’s legs were wrapped around his waist, he started thrusting, supporting Izaya’s thighs and feeling thin arms wrapping around his neck. He heard Izaya sighing in no time, and soon they were both sighing and moaning together, softly, in whispers, like they didn’t want to share that moment with the open sky watching them. And soon their faces were close, they were looking in each other’s eyes, feeling their desperate breathing mixing, and Shizuo kissed Izaya again while increasing the pace, and Izaya moaned in his mouth when he hit one particular spot, and the sensation was so overwhelming nothing else mattered.

Some deep corner of his mind was telling him to think about that; to analyse his feelings and Izaya’s reactions, but he didn’t want to think about what they were doing. He couldn’t, for he knew it meant nothing. It was just for fun. They still hated each other. Nothing good could ever come out of them trying to understand each other. Shizuo didn’t want to think that what they were doing was something special because he didn’t want to be disappointed in the end. So he numbed his mind, his thoughts and his feelings, and told himself it was just a pastime, just a way to release the adrenaline.

Soon they were moaning more frequently. Izaya was grabbing his clothes with such fierceness he feared the man would tear them. And he watched the way Izaya’s hair would stick to his forehead when he started sweating from the exercise. And then he was touching his enemy’s cock, pumping him, watching him close his eyes, open his mouth and scream silently, and soon he was coming once more, together with Izaya in a sticky and sweaty mess.

He waited until both of them had calmed down before releasing Izaya and immediately getting a cigarette to smoke.

“Was it fun, Shizu-chan?” Izaya’s breathy and hoarse voice called behind him.

“Get lost before I kill you.” And Izaya laughed, adjusting his jacket and waving goodbye.

“See you next time.” And he watched the man disappear in the darkness, hating how he was probably right, as he wanted them to have another time like that. His desire for Izaya only increased each time they did that. He felt he wouldn’t be able to stop anymore.

And as he was finishing his cigarette, his cell phone rang, and he cursed when he realised he had forgotten all about Tom-san, Vorona and his job. He answered the phone, trying to sound normal, apologising a hundred times and promising to meet them so they could finish their shift, and that he was okay and no one had died that night so they didn’t need to worry.

Shutting his phone off, finishing his cigarette and taking a deep intake of air, he prepared to leave that strange place when he noticed a man a few metres away. He froze immediately, but the man seemed like just a homeless guy, apparently sleeping inside a sleeping bag. Shizuo went past him as fast as he could, hoping that the man had remained asleep while they were fucking.

**

The next time they met, a week after, Izaya led them into a different narrow alley. Shizuo didn’t know Ikebukuro had so many of them, and Izaya apparently thought it was fun to change locations each time.

“I don’t think so.” Shizuo said when Izaya leaned against the wall. For a moment, it was fun seeing the confused look on the flea’s eyes, but Shizuo explained himself. “Last time there was a homeless guy sleeping right beside us. I don’t wanna get caught doing it with you.” Izaya ignored how insultingly Shizuo had said ‘you’, laughing softly.

“Where do you want to do it then?” It was weird talking to your most hated enemy about where you wanted to fuck him next, but Shizuo was getting better at ignoring the part that didn’t make sense in all of that. They just fucked and then they were back at hating each other again. Nothing had changed.

But right now they were at a stalemate. The streets were public and open, and Shizuo didn’t want to spend money on a motel. He thought of an alternative, but it seemed too risky. He didn’t trust Izaya one bit to let him anywhere near his own apartment, but he wasn’t seeing a better option.

“Follow me.” He finally said, cursing himself for having decided to go through with it. Izaya hummed, a look of amused curiosity in his eyes.

“Are you sure? What if someone caught us walking side by side? What would they think?” He faked a dramatic voice and Shizuo counted from one to ten silently to calm himself down and not punch him in the face.

“It’s dark now, you’re wearing black and you’re so skinny people won’t even notice you.”

Izaya scoffed. “I’m not that skinny.”

“You are. I’m surprised I haven’t broken your bones so far.” Another annoying scoff coming from the flea.

“Shizu-chan underestimates me. However, it does surprise me that you’re taking me to your apartment.” Shizuo suddenly looked at him suspiciously. “Don’t worry, I can’t read minds; it’s the only logical place I can think of.”

“None of this is logical.” Shizuo whispered to himself.

“No, but we’re doing it.” He wasn’t expecting Izaya’s reply to that, but he couldn’t control himself.

“Why?” Sometimes it was hard to ignore that. He had asked that before, to himself and Izaya, and had accepted he would never find a proper explanation, but the question would pop up in his head from time to time. He watched Izaya’s reaction, waiting for something, but the man just shrugged.

“No reason. It just happened, Shizu-chan. And then it happened again. And again. And apparently, it will continue to happen.”

“I hate you.”

“No more than I hate you.”

“Oh, I doubt that.”

Izaya laughed softly. “Don’t think too hard about this, Shizu-chan. It’s just for the fun.”

Yes. Just for the fun.

They remained silent until reaching Shizuo’s cheap building, then went up the stairs without making any noise, Shizuo praying that no neighbour decided to open their door at that moment. And then they were inside Shizuo’s apartment, and Izaya’s eyes immediately darted everywhere, like he was a kid in an amusement park

Shizuo’s apartment was cheap and small. It consisted of a kitchen, a small living room, one bedroom and one bathroom. It was a cubicle, though cosy, very clean, tidy and decently furnished. Izaya was soon silently judging every corner of his house with the most irritating look yet and a mocking smile on his lips. Soon he was pacing the whole place like he owned it, and Shizuo grunted and went after him to ensure he wouldn’t try anything funny. Izaya was already in the kitchen, opening the refrigerator.

“What the fuck are you doing?! Don’t touch my stuff!”

“I’m just looking, Shizu-chan.” Izaya laughed, closing the fridge door and looking around.

“There’s nothing for you here. I won’t give you food or you’ll contaminate everything.”

“I don’t want food, I was just seeing what you have in your refrigerator. You can find out a lot about people just by looking at what they eat and what they–”

“I don’t care. I didn’t bring you here so you can be all creepy about it. And if you touch anything, I’ll throw you out the window.” He pointed his finger and made an ominous look to show that he was being serious.

Izaya raised both hands to show he wouldn’t do anything, but it was still weird letting a flea into his house. Shizuo stood aside the kitchen door, signalling with his head that Izaya should get the hell out of there. Izaya obeyed, but soon had another target.

“Is this your bedroom? How disappointing.” He was barely out of the kitchen and had already walked towards Shizuo’s bedroom, analysing the small space.

“What were you expecting, idiot?” 

Izaya sighed. “A monster’s nest. A bed made of dry leaves, skeletons and bones everywhere and a pile of corpses in one of the corners.”

“Very funny.” Izaya turned his body, facing Shizuo, and his face adorned a beautiful, but malicious smile.

“Are you going fuck me in your bed, Shizu-chan?”

“Where else would we do it?” And Shizuo started unzipping his pants.

“But you told me not to touch anything.” Shizuo sighed, feeling his patience was running low.

“You can touch my bed.”

“Have you ever brought anyone here besides me?” And Shizuo gave him _that_ look. The look that told him to shut the fuck up. But Izaya never got the hints. “It’s ironic, isn’t it? You open the door only to your enemy because he’s the only person who would agree to a suicidal trip to your house.”

Shizuo’s hand was on his neck in no time, dropping him in bed violently. “Shut your fucking mouth.” His voice was low, a whisper, but heavy with the unspoken threat.

“Get your monstrous hands off my neck.” Izaya replied in the same tone, and a switchblade was suddenly in his hand, pointed at Shizuo’s throat. Shizuo snatched the weapon of his hand and threw it behind him, releasing his neck, and went back to pulling down his pants.

“Does the truth hurt you, monster?” Izaya clearly didn’t know when to stop. Shizuo tried to ignore him, deciding to undress Izaya himself if the flea wouldn’t. He reached for Izaya’s waist on the bed and started unzipping the man’s pants. “Are you lonely, Shizu-chan? Have you been lonely all this time?” Izaya’s leg was caressing Shizuo’s own, and his provocative voice was starting to get to the blonde. “Maybe that’s why we’re doing this.”

“Shut up.”

“Who else would accept to have sex with a monster like you?” He pulled Izaya’s pants down abruptly, climbing up the bed on his knees, leaving Izaya’s body in between his legs. “Who else would have the courage to let your fangs in them?” Izaya’s voice was soft and cruel. “Who else would agree to accept your love?”

“I don’t love you.”

“No one, Shizu-chan.” Izaya ignored him and answered his own question. “Do you know why? Because they’re afraid of you, monster.”

He wanted Izaya to shut up. He couldn’t bear hear those poisoned words. So he kissed him, wanting to steal all his breath, leave him unable to speak or inject his poison in Shizuo. The kiss was violent and possessive. Izaya’s hands were soon fumbling with the bartender’s shirt, pulling it up, until Shizuo decided to take it off. And when their lips parted, Izaya continued talking. “But you know what, Shizu-chan? I’m not afraid of you.”

And Shizuo was kissing him again, deciding that if he would get completely naked, then Izaya would as well. So he lifted the flea’s shirt up his head, taking it off and throwing it somewhere. “So I’m the only one who can ever accept you.” And they were back to kissing, and Shizuo was soon biting him, feeling his wrath towards the man reaching back to him and telling him to hurt Izaya. The informant’s hands were running through his body, touching him like no one else had touched him before while he felt breathless and went down Izaya’s neck, searching for the spot that would make him bleed until he died. Izaya gasped when he felt the bite, but it didn’t discourage him. “It’s funny how pathetic you are, Shizu-chan. Giving yourself away completely to the only person who can survive having a shallow moment of intimacy with you: your worst enemy, the same one you would be trying to kill in different circumstances.” And soon he was laughing while Shizuo left purple and painful marks on his neck while he scratched his monster’s back and arms. “Really, such a pathetic, lonely creature.” Izaya knew he was pushing it. But he wanted to know how far Shizuo would go before he lost his cool. How hard he would be punishing Izaya for the things he was saying. “I’m the only one who’s left, Shizu-chan. The person you most hate is the only person left for you. It’s so ironic it makes me laugh.”

Before he could actually laugh, Shizuo pulled his hair and forced him to sit on the bed, lowering his head so they could talk face to face. “How many times do I have to tell you to shut your shitty mouth?” Izaya giggled.

“Then tell me I’m lying, Shizu-chan.” And he grabbed Shizuo’s cock, pumped it a few times, looking up and finding a wrathful look on those brown eyes. And soon he was delicately kissing Shizuo’s extension, giving light pecks all over it, like he was some careful lover. Then he licked from base to tip and swallowed it whole, bobbing his head back and forth. This time, Shizuo actually dared pull his hair a little, massaging it and lightly thrusting him into his cock.

Shizuo refused to think about what Izaya had told him. He wouldn’t give his enemy reason to hurt him even further. They were doing it just for the fun; nothing else. It had nothing to do with the things Izaya had said. The flea liked to manipulate, play with his words, fool everyone. Shizuo refused to believe him. Everything was fine. Doing that was fun. It was just for the fun.

Izaya devoured his cock and he could feel that treacherous tongue running though his whole extension, making him shiver and moan softly. Izaya had one hand resting at his hips, but the way his mouth sucked him was sinful and delicious. He could even forget the mean words from earlier; they didn’t matter. He moaned when Izaya started sucking the head, and soon was looking down on the man.

Izaya backed away, leaving Shizuo’s cock covered in his saliva. “Monster”, Izaya whispered, and Shizuo brusquely flipped his body over, forcing him to lie on his stomach, lowering himself and locking Izaya in place, positioning himself between the man’s legs, finding the opening and pushing himself inside without warning. Izaya shivered and his inner muscles tensed when he felt Shizuo’s cock asking for passage, but he started laughing softly. “Did I anger the monster?” And Shizuo kept pushing himself in, and Izaya bit his lower lip and grabbed the sheets with all his strength as his interior was being stretched. And after a few agonizing minutes, Shizuo was completely inside, and Izaya shivered in relief, trying to adjust himself to the monster’s size.

And soon Shizuo was thrusting. Izaya spread his legs as far as he could, feeling Shizuo’s chest against his back and how fast the beast’s heart was beating. Shizuo was more aggressive this time. Maybe it was because they were in a private place, maybe because they had more freedom to move in a bed, or maybe and probably because he was angry at Izaya for having provoked him. This made Izaya giggle, and upon hearing that, Shizuo started thrusting harder, earning him a moan or two from his enemy.

“Poor Shizu-cha- _ah_!” Izaya tried to say between the thrusting. “At least this is- _ah_! Fun!” Izaya moaned out loud when Shizuo hit his prostate, shivering all over. Shizuo was soon forcing him up on his knees, his ass lifted up, his torso on bed while the beast continued to fuck him hard, grabbing his thighs with such force he knew the old bruises would hurt again and the new bruises would be of a purple vivid colour the next day.

Shizuo moaned quietly, hitting his prostate painfully on purpose, and it was making Izaya see stars. The lewd sounds Shizuo made when he trusted his cock inside and the moans he himself couldn’t control were starting to feel like too much. He would come.

He started pumping himself, trying to match Shizuo’s painful jabs, and then he was coming hard, moaning loud, his whole body shivering, his vision going blank, his muscles going numb while Shizuo supported him, and a few seconds later, Shizuo pushed hard inside of him and was coming as well. Then Shizuo withdrew his cock from Izaya’s ass, and he let his lower body fall on top of the bed while they both caught on their breaths.

After a few minutes had passed, he heard Shizuo speak in a hushed voice. “Next time you insult me in my house, I’ll break your spine. Now get up, get dressed and leave.”

“How rude.” Izaya was still feeling sore from the aftermath, and his muscles were still weak. “It’s cruel for Shizu-chan to torture me in bed and then ask me to leave so abruptly.”

“Torture you?” Shizuo scoffed, lightning a cigarette. “You seemed to like it.”

“I did. For future references, I like it rough.” Shizuo looked at him like he had said something obscene. He took a drag from his cigarette.

“Did you rile me up on purpose?” And Izaya smiled that classic Izaya’s smile.

“I do everything on purpose, Shizu-chan.” He got up from the bed and started getting dressed, feeling Shizuo’s cum sticky in his ass, deciding that he didn’t hate it as much as he thought.

“You’re a jerk.” Izaya laughed with the comment.

“We’ve been fucking for some time, you know?”

“I know. Because it’s fun.”

“Yes, Shizu-chan. I’m glad we agree on that.” And for the first time, the smile had disappeared from Izaya’s lips, and they were facing each other in a contemplative manner.

“It has nothing to do with our screwed up lives.”

“No. It’s just for the fun.”

“Get out, Izaya.” 

Izaya smiled sadly and sighed. “Until next time, Shizu-chan.” And in a minute Izaya was out of the apartment, leaving Shizuo and his loneliness in an empty and cold bedroom.

“Yeah. Until next time.”


	4. Contradictions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya!
> 
> Here's a chapter from Izaya's perspective! It's more contemplative than the previous ones, hope it didn't get too boring!

It was not often that Izaya would question himself and his decisions. He was usually in control of his acts and feelings, he knew exactly what he wanted and exactly what to do to make sure he would get it exactly the way he wanted. He was proud of this aspect of himself, and it was useful considering the way he lived his life.

He would know exactly what to do manipulate people into doing what worked best for him. Winning their affections with false smiles, convincing them to believe in things he himself didn’t, making the right faces while keeping control behind them, hiding his lies with colourful masks of truth, opening paths by throwing people to the side, not caring who would get hurt as long as he was enjoying himself.

He was proud of his power of persuasion and how he was able to tell such believable lies. It made him feel capable, like he was truly a god worthy of controlling human lives, worthy of deciding what their fate should be with mere words, worthy of standing high above any of the foolish and innocent humans he controlled.

Except for one of them.

Izaya was pretty confident in his skills and his plans usually worked the way he planned them. Except when _he_ was involved. Heiwajima Shizuo, the man he most hated and least understood, a man so unpredictable, raw and inhuman that he was capable of undoing everything Izaya had fought to achieve, capable of ripping out the masks he had put on his face to hide his true expressions, capable of destroying every bit of confidence Izaya had in himself and invading the shelter he had built around himself over years of distancing from other people.

He couldn’t control Shizuo, he had never been able to understand him, grasp the nature of his existence and predict his acts. The man was a stone in his shoe, prickling at his skin from time to time, making it difficult for him to move forward, even hurting him sometimes. It was irritating, frustrating how Shizuo had this kind of control over him since they had met, and nothing Izaya did could reverse this fact. Shizuo was always the one in control no matter what Izaya did to undermine him. Shizuo was the only one who could control Izaya, even if the beast himself was too dumb to realise that on his own. At least so far.

Izaya was afraid. For the first time in his life, he was afraid. Ever since they started meeting in dirty and dark alleys for sex, his mind was turmoil. He was never able to understand Shizuo’s actions, but now he was beginning to question his own sanity, to doubt his own attitudes towards the beast and spend hours and hours trying to make sense of all of that.

Ever since he first met the monster of Ikebukuro, Shizuo had been a constant and powerful presence in his thoughts.

Izaya had been like that since middle school; always an observer, apathetic to other children, never into their innocent childish plays, ever bored with how mundane everyone else seemed to be; he had always maintained a safe distance and would just observe his surroundings, little by little noting the slight differences from person to person, small details that made them unique and interesting to watch. The hobby soon became an obsession, and he got very good at observing and learning, understanding the human mind, their desires, their triggers and why certain people did certain things under certain circumstances. And by understanding people and what they liked, he became able to mingle between them, being charming when he needed to be, faking feelings to get them to accept him while deep down remaining indifferent towards his emotions, using the façade only to manipulate them into doing what he wished.

And it had always worked. Soon, he went from an alien kid to a popular one. The other kids at school stopped seeing him like the ‘weird and distant one’ and started seeing him as cool and clever. He didn’t care what other people thought of him, but he soon realised it was much easier to make people do what he wanted this way. He found out how to charm people, how to get into their heads and make them accept him. It worked on everybody; he just needed to know the right buttons to press; and though his intentions had never been pure or good natured, he felt little guilt at what he was doing, for it was fun to him. It was a way to escape boredom, to force people out of their insignificant lives by pushing them into actions that would lead to the most interesting and amusing outcomes.

Suddenly, he was at the top. He had control over his fellow students, even among some adults. He felt powerful and without any insecurities; no one could harm him, no one could surpass him, no one could hurt him if he was above all. He didn’t care for any of the people he befriended, he just wanted to see how much fun they could provide him.

But everything changed when he met _him_.

He had heard of Shizuo before he met him. Shinra wouldn’t shut up about it. At first he wasn’t interested, but when the only person whom he could consider close to a friend kept filling his head with ornate and colourful tales of the boy’s apparent awesomeness, he admitted to himself that maybe he got a little curious. Apparently, this Shizuo boy was different from the kids their age. He seemed to be more like a super evil hero. Shinra talked about how he was so cool and incredible and how he could throw desks into walls with one arm, how he had such a strong personality that made his antics even more wondrously abnormal and how he could have been a hero in a fantasy manga.

Izaya’s slight curiosity had grown into deep and honest interest as soon as he met the boy. He wasn’t expecting that image at all. Shinra had a bad habit of exaggerating things and being creepy about everything he talked about, but Izaya thought all the incredible things Shinra had said about that boy were simply insufficient to describe him. Heiwajima Shizuo, as was his name, was a tall boy, lean but well-built for a teenager; he had blonde hair and his face was so ferocious, so dangerous and so out of ordinary that Izaya felt immediately attracted towards the boy. Heiwajima Shizuo screamed in fury, lifting a goalpost and throwing it at other students like it was the most natural thing to do, and he seemed so powerful and alive that Izaya suddenly felt his breath caught in his throat. He had never seen someone like that, someone so raw and honest that his feelings and thoughts were practically pouring out with every yell he would emit, every fluid movement of his body, every glance his dangerous eyes would throw at anyone.

It was the most interesting human being Izaya had ever seen; someone this abnormal and at the same time so human, so full of life and vigour, and so out of reality that Izaya felt a funny feeling in his chest; how could someone shine so brightly like that blonde boy? How could someone be so glorious and resplendent while screaming like a beast and destroying everything? How could Heiwajima Shizuo be so interesting and so beautiful doing something no normal person should be able to do?

He wanted to meet him. He wanted to get to know this boy, find out everything about him, get close to him to feel if that wasn’t simply a trick of the light or his imagination. At the time, he didn’t think about _why_ he wanted to meet him; it was genuine interest and innocent curiosity. How could a boy so bright like that exist?

He was excited. He wanted to know more about that boy. Before he knew, he was applauding the horrific show, fascinated by that demonstration of gratuitous fury and power. And then Shinra introduced them; Izaya never knew why Shinra had done that; his weird friend never seemed to care about socialising; but what mattered at that moment was that he would be able to know that boy. And then–

Rejection.

He had been rejected right off the bat. At first, he didn’t understand what had happened. He had never been rejected before. He had never experienced rejection. He only realised that afterwards. No one had ever pushed him away, no one had ever told him to fuck off, no one had ever been able to see the face behind his mask so clearly and unexpectedly as that boy had. The human Izaya most wanted to know was the one who rejected him. Shizuo hated him at first sight; he hadn’t even said anything, and Heiwajima Shizuo was looking at him the way a giant would look down on ants, with utter contempt and disdain.

He wasn’t expecting that reaction. He wasn’t expecting that boy to see him for who he really was just by looking at him, to completely destroy his mighty image and reveal all of his insecurities, to step on his façade and rip out his mask with a mere glance. Yet Heiwajima Shizuo had done just that. He had seen through Izaya’s unspoken lies, had met his true self and decided he hated it.

He hated what he saw past the fake smile and the cracked mask. He had rejected Izaya fully and completely.

Izaya didn’t remember exactly what went through his mind after hearing those words for the first time, “I don’t like you”. He simply could not lose his composure, he could not let it show how much it had affected him, he didn’t even want to think on how much it had affected him. So he responded to the attack in the best way he thought was possible and wouldn’t make him lose: he attacked back.

He didn’t want to appear weak, didn’t want that bright boy to realise he had completely destroyed his façade and was the first to do that, didn’t want him to realise how he was already affecting him in a way no one else had ever affected. Suddenly he felt empty and hurt, and tried to hide those unfamiliar and dangerous feelings from himself with hatred and sarcasm. Who did that monster of a boy think he was talking to? Who did he think he was to reject Izaya, to treat him like that?

Suddenly, he hated Heiwajima Shizuo like he had never hated anything else; at first he thought that couldn’t be right, because since his teenager eyes, Izaya had already decided that he loved all humans; so he decided that he couldn’t love Shizuo because Shizuo wasn’t human, and Shizuo couldn’t love him because he was a monster who only knew how to destroy things. And then nothing was happening the way Izaya had wanted; they were suddenly fighting and trying to hurt instead of talking and knowing each other.

And their story had begun.

Izaya decided to make the boy’s life a living hell. He wouldn’t allow Shizuo to have that kind of control over himself; he wouldn’t be the one losing that game, vulnerable and hurt. He would hurt Shizuo first.

And through the passing of the years, he tried to shun all the hurtful feelings he had felt that day, and decided that hating Shizuo and trying to kill him was the best option at the moment; that way, he could fool himself into thinking that he hated Shizuo because of the boy’s abnormality, not because he had been rejected; he tried to lash out his insecurities at Shizuo, the only man who had seen his true self; if he destroyed Shizuo, no one would be able to hurt him that way. Eventually, he succeeded in doing that; tricking his mind into believing that he only felt hatred towards the monster of Ikebukuro, and that the reason for his hatred was the man’s inability to become a pawn of his; he ignored anything related to his rejection, doing such a good job trying to _doublethink_ his situation that he was sure Big Brother would have been extremely proud of him. In the end, he managed to shut his initial feelings of admiration towards Heiwajima Shizuo and tried to focus on misguided hatred to justify his actions.

Until that fateful night happened.

Izaya was just trying to get some protection from the heavy rain pouring down Ikebukuro when the monster found him, and they immediately started their little game again. Izaya was all too familiar with that, and knew how things would end up, for in all those years of chasing and fighting, Shizuo was never able to catch him.

But he knew better than to underestimate the beast; and something on Shizuo’s behaviour told him it was better not to try his luck that night, but simply disappear; he wasn’t in the mood to play with Shizu-chan at that moment. To his surprise, though, Shizuo persisted until the end, and Izaya finally lost. He felt his ankle being yanked downwards, falling ungraciously on hard and dirt concrete before Shizuo caught him by the throat and started choking him.

Up until that point, Izaya thought their conflict was mostly tied. Sometimes he’d do something to piss Shizuo off successfully, and sometimes the beast would manage to break his arm or his leg in one of their fights. They only scratched at each other, threatening to kill and hurt, but never actually getting there; it was their own Cold War. But that night Shizuo had changed everything when he showed Izaya who really had been in control all the time. Izaya couldn’t win. He understood that devastating fact once he realised he was finally going to die at that monster’s hands. Shizuo was too strong, too powerful; he always had the advantage. All Izaya ever did was run away, attack him from behind, from the shadows, never confronting his enemy directly because deep down he knew he couldn’t win. And as he felt death approaching, when his lungs started burning due to lack of oxygen and the agony started corrupting him from inside out and he thought it was game over for him, his mind unlocked all of his repressed feelings, and before it became too difficult to think, he understood that deep, deep down, all he ever wanted was to be accepted by that monster.

The last thing he would think before he died was that he wanted to be accepted by Heiwajima Shizuo, and the last thing he would see before he died was the same Shizuo killing him. It was so ironically cruel that he would’ve laughed if he could.

But then he didn’t die. Shizuo had given up; Izaya was sure the beast would kill him, as he had the means and the motivation to do so, yet he was alive, breathing so desperately and painfully that for a moment he forgot where he was and who was in front of him. The next minutes seemed to pass by in slow motion, but his body was so tense and alarmed that all he could think about was running away, escaping death, escaping Shizuo, getting far away from him. And his mind was in such a state of chaos and fear that before he realised, he was kissing his enemy; he didn’t try to fool himself into denying the fact that _he_ had been the one to start the kiss. Later that night, he convinced himself he had only done that as a desperate attempt to distract Shizuo so he could survive; then he came to realise that in reality, he had always wanted to do that. He hated Shizu-chan, hated him for having rejected him, for never abiding to his rules and never doing what Izaya wanted him to do; he hated Shizuo for being so clueless and at the same time so on point about Izaya’s true personality; he hated Shizuo for having that control over his mind, his thoughts, his body.

He wanted him dead, hated him with such passion that the only thing he could do at the moment was kiss him, as contradictory as that may have sounded at the time. But he ignored the contradiction, trying to prevent his mind from drowning in hurt, sorrow and frustration.

But the moment he became truly scared was when Shizuo accepted his kiss; he wasn’t thinking straight when he did that, it had been just a desperate response his mind could find at the time; yet Shizuo went along with it, kissing him like they were long term lovers and enemies at the same time, and soon it wasn’t just a kiss, but a desire so powerful he didn’t even stop to think about what they were really doing until he felt Shizuo inside of him, and the weight of their actions started to sink in his mind.

It hurt so much. He could feel the cold rain running down his legs and his entrance, and his interior being invaded in such a raw manner that he thought he would die again from the pain alone; but he didn’t want that to stop; because for the first time in his life, he was being truly honest about his feelings for the monster of Ikebukuro, he was ignoring his mind and following his instincts, which he rarely ever did, and making himself vulnerable to the only person he knew wouldn’t take advantage of that.

Shizuo had always been too kind for his own good to begin with.

And the pain was there to remind him what would happen if he truly gave himself to that monster; Shizuo would tear him apart, rip his insides and leave him there to die, fucking him senseless as punishment for all the bad things he had done. And he was accepting that, despite the fear and the cold he felt as the rain soaked him and cut through his naked thighs like a sharp blade. He screamed and trembled, clinging to Shizuo for dear life, hoping everything would just end soon, at the same time feeling that the body of his enemy, even in the storm, was warm and comfortable. And when Shizuo waited before moving and when the pain had only become a nuisance, Shizuo unintentionally hit a spot inside him that made him see stars and feel such a pleasurable feeling that he decided to shun everything else and just relish that.

And when they were done, he thought it was the end of a nightmare; he didn’t want to think about any of that, and was scared that Shizuo would start thinking as well. He went home the best way he could, limping and trying to ignore the soreness and the way his whole body ached when he tried to walk. He only noticed his bloody fingers when he got home, exhausted and trembling because of the cold; half of his nails were broken from when Shizuo had pulled him down the wall he was climbing and he had tried to hold himself with his hands; the bleeding wouldn’t stop and he was beginning to feel a horrible pain; the water from his bath soon became red and he saw that he also had a thin bleeding in his anus, but he ignored it, just like he ignored the purple marks in his thighs, the thin red lines on his back from being scraped against hard concrete and how swollen his lips were.

It didn’t matter. None of that mattered. Shinra would be able to fix his nails. The pain was nothing. He was able to handle it, he was able to handle Shizuo. In fact, he was the only one capable of doing that with Shizuo and surviving the ordeal; that at least gave him the weak illusion of having some control over the situation. He was the only one with whom Shizuo would be able to do that kind of thing. In a sense, they were always meant to hurt each other, no matter what they tried to do.

And then it happened again. He didn’t think Shizuo would even have the courage to face him after the first time, but maybe he had underestimated the beast for the millionth time. He never learned when it came to understanding Shizuo’s mind. He began to speculate later that Shizuo might have been tormented by what they had done, desperately trying to find any reason that could explain their behaviour. Ironically, he, Orihara Izaya, the man who never stopped thinking, decided he wouldn’t waste his precious time trying to understand what had happened. He had been in denial for too long, and when death finally decided to check on him, he had unleashed that denial, accepting that he hated Shizuo precisely because he liked Shizuo. It would do him no good trying to deepen his thoughts, and sometimes applying Occam’s Razor to one’s problem was necessary, so he just decided to accept the fact and hope that he could use the most dangerous fact about himself to his benefit one day.

He found out that despite the initial almost unbearable pain, he liked having rough sex with Shizuo like that. It gave him a feeling of vulnerability and power at the same time, just because Shizuo could break all his bones while holding him still and because he knew he was the only one capable of facing that danger willingly. He liked to feel the illusion that he was accepted, even if it was only on a purely shallow physical level.

As he had told Shizuo before, it was just for the fun.

Or at least they had agreed on that reason, because it was the easiest way to deal with it without having to justify their actions and themselves to their own restless minds. It had nothing to do with unresolved sexual tension accumulated for more than ten years; it had nothing to do with their desire for affection; it had nothing to do with the fact that they didn’t have another place in the world. It was just for the fun.

So he didn’t bother thinking too much about that. He knew Shizuo still hated him and nothing would change that; he preferred it that way. He wouldn’t know how to deal with a gentle and caring beast, and it was not like his hatred for Shizuo was fake; it was just misguided, and he had no intention of correcting it. It was enough for them to just fuck, like a mechanical act, sometimes a substitute for their fights, a mere commodity to spice things up a little when they got too bored. He could live with that; he could live with the pain and the purple bruises, the swollen lips and the aggression. He didn’t mind. Maybe this whole new thing they had going on for them could be beneficial for him in the future; he would make the best of the situation. And it felt good; he didn’t mind sucking Shizuo’s cock, he actually enjoyed the power he had over the beast’s pleasure; he didn’t mind the hard thrusts, he even liked it rough. He didn’t mind using and being used. This had been his whole life. And he knew Shizu-chan would never bore him.

Maybe he could gain something from that, and maybe not, but that was okay as long as he didn’t lose anything. He knew their hatred towards each other wouldn’t change.

**

When Shizuo got off of him, getting up to open the bedroom window to smoke (a habit he had acquired lately every time they were done), Izaya remained lying down on his back, trying to get his breathing to a normal rhythm again. He was just thinking that it was the eleventh time they had sex like that, and apparently the number of times would continue to increase. He couldn’t say he wasn’t surprised; never in a million years he would have thought that he’d be having sex with his worst enemy, or even that said enemy would agree on that and be somewhat okay with him. But that was reality, and by now they both had accepted the fact that they were fucking regularly, almost like a new routine added to their calendars once or twice a week.

From his lying position, he craned his neck to see Shizuo lazily exhaling the smoke into the open air, staring at the night sky like he was contemplating it. He had to admit that he was somewhat grateful that Shizuo allowed him to stay for a few moments after to rest and collect himself before walking away instead of just kicking him out the second they were done. And even if he didn’t like admitting it, he felt a certain fascination in watching Shizuo being so calm around him. It gave him time to get down from his orgasm, recollect his mind and his thoughts and think about the whole experience.

Their first time had happened in the beginning of July. Izaya would never be able to forget that stormy and cold evening when he had almost died by the hands of that monster and minutes later was being embraced by the same murderous hands. The second time had happened roughly a month after, and Izaya was equally surprised when Shizuo had accepted his kiss again instead of pushing him away; two weeks later, and they had done it a third time, followed by the fourth a week later. Now it was the end of September; Izaya could feel the chilly wind of early autumn entering through the window and hitting his naked skin on Shizuo’s bed. Ever since the fourth time, they had almost stuck to a kind of routine of once or twice a week of those kinds of meetings; he was unconsciously keeping track of the number of times, and counting this most recent night, the number was up to eleven so far.

Eleven times that they had done that. Eleven times of rough and hard sex, eleven times feeling pain and pleasure at the same time, eleven times wondering what exactly they were doing to themselves and where that dangerous path would take them.

As he had predicted, their relationship hadn’t changed much; they still hated each other and would still fight like dog and cat out in the streets. Izaya continued doing his shitty business around Ikebukuro and Shizuo kept getting pissed off at him; the fights never evolved to sex, though; sometimes Shizuo would simply get too angry and murderous to feel anything else; when that happened, they just fought like always until Izaya managed to disappear from his sight. And when Shizuo was feeling a little more patient and his mood wasn’t so dark, they would silently run straight to the beast’s apartment and have another go. The routine they had unconsciously set up was usually at Thursdays or Fridays, almost like business appointments. They had stopped doing it on the streets as well; Shizuo’s bed, despite hurting Izaya’s back and being old, was more comfortable than dirty streets and being pushed violently against hard and scratchy concrete walls.

Their meetings had somewhat evolved to a silent agreement, one they both pretended to mean as much as a little fish in the open ocean, though they knew both looked forward to that ‘shallow moment of intimacy’, as Izaya liked to call that. They barely talked about what they were doing; sometimes, Izaya would try to tease Shizuo, calling him a lonely monster, a horny beast who was dumb enough to let his most hated enemy into his house, but most of the times Shizuo would kiss him violently and shut him up; other times, he would try to punch Izaya, only managing to destroy his own furniture while the informant laughed, making Shizuo even more pissed and willing to throw him in bed and fuck him senseless.

But Shizuo never hurt him. Not on purpose, at least; sometimes he would go a little further, using more force than necessary, allowing himself to lose some control, but it had never got to the point of actually hurting the smaller man, and to Izaya’s frustration, confusion and anger, he knew Shizuo didn’t hurt him on purpose; the beast didn’t have a problem trying to kill him when they were actually fighting in the streets, tossing street signs and vending machines at him, but when they were in bed, Shizuo was surprisingly gentle and considerate, or as close to that as a beast like him could be. And Izaya hated that; a few times he had tried to anger Shizuo during the act to see at what point the monster would lose control and rip his insides trying to hurt him, but so far the beast had only grunted when Izaya did that, kissing him with enough force to shut him up or purposefully hitting his prostate, essentially reducing Izaya to a mess and preventing him from thinking straight anymore.

Izaya hated how Shizuo was in control of the situation all the time, and after the fifth or sixth time, the beast had somewhat learned where were the best spots to hit and make Izaya see stars; it was frustrating how he could so willingly give himself so completely to a monster like that, to return his kisses and accept to be vulnerable with him in a moment like that.

He didn’t know if he was grateful that Shizuo hadn’t accidentally killed him yet or if he felt angry that the monster was acting so human towards him now; the only thing he knew was that they were still as wary around one another as always; the momentary peace between them only existed when they were sharing that moment together, and despite being somewhat efficient, it was unstable, as frail as porcelain. It was impersonal, cold. Izaya would get into Shizuo’s apartment, they would fuck, they would catch their breaths and Shizuo would tell him to fuck off a few minutes later, usually when he was done smoking a cigarette; sometimes they would exchange a few words before or after, but it was nothing meaningful, usually insults and mockery from Izaya and threats from Shizuo. Izaya preferred it that way; although having admitted to himself that the initial admiration he had felt for Shizuo since their first meeting hadn’t gone away and he still liked the beast in a frustrating and masochist way, he didn’t want anything to do with Shizuo’s life. And Izaya would never be able to admit that to Shizuo, and didn’t want to risk being rejected again. It was better if they just kept their whole situation impersonal.

Sometimes, when Shizuo appeared calmer after they were done, he thought about saying some things, asking a few harmless questions, just out of curiosity; he almost never did, though; he didn’t have a problem throwing insults at the beast at every second, yet it was so difficult trying to say a few normal sentences to him.

The chilly autumn wind rushed into the bedroom, carrying with it the scent of rain mixed with something sweet from the air. It hit Izaya’s naked skin on the bed, making him shiver slightly and sneeze suddenly. Shizuo turned his face to him, brows furrowed while holding the cigarette out in the open air.

“You sick or something?” His expression showed weariness of some kind, like he couldn’t believe someone like Izaya could get the flu.

“It’s nothing.” He answered, though he was taken aback by the question. Suddenly, an impulse overtook him. Maybe the fact that Shizuo had asked him a normal question gave him courage to speak his mind as well. “Say, Shizu-chan…” He risked, trying to sound harmless.

“Stop using that damn nickname.” Shizuo went back to taking a drag from his cigarette and looking outside the window. Izaya decided to ignore his interruption along with the fact that the beast hadn’t bothered getting dressed.

“…Have you ever thought of using condoms?” The question must have caught Shizuo by surprise, because he quickly turned his head again, looking at Izaya with eyes narrowed and a dangerous expression.

“Why? You have a disease?” He could feel a threat in the question, but waved his hand dismissing the possibility.

“I’m clean. It’s just that…you know, it’s more hygienic.” Although he liked feeling Shizuo pure and raw inside of him, sometimes he didn’t like the way the blonde’s cum would feel sticky inside of him.

Shizuo’s expression softened. “Oh. Well, I don’t mind. At least I’d know your poop wouldn’t get on me then.” He said nonchalantly, smashing the cigarette in an ashtray on the window.

Izaya just rolled his eyes and sighed out loud. “Is that a yes then?” Shizuo just shrugged, and Izaya assumed that it was a yes. Although embarrassed by the subject, he was surprised that Shizuo didn’t make a fuss about it. Seeing as the beast was in a calm mood, he tried further. “What about…if we tried some lube as well…”

That was the subject he wanted to get at the moment; he didn’t mind the condoms very much, but he figured that if Shizuo agreed to the condoms, maybe he would agree to using lube more easily. The truth was that Shizuo didn’t have much clue about what it meant to have a hard dick going up his ass; he didn’t care much for Izaya’s comfort as long as he wasn’t actually hurting him, so he didn’t pay much attention when he was inserting himself in Izaya, although he did wait for the smaller man to adjust to his size every time. Even so, the first two times they had done it, Izaya was fucked raw with no preparation at all and remembered too well the sharp pain to want to feel it again; since that, they had been using his saliva to make things easier, but proper lubrication would be much more efficient, and he wasn’t always in the mood to give Shizuo a blowjob so he wouldn’t scream in pain every time they’d do it.

Shizuo seemed to ponder over the question for a few minutes while retrieving his boxers from the floor and putting them on. Then, without looking at Izaya, he replied nonchalantly, “Fine. If it makes it easier for you.” Taken aback again by the kind of reply he got, Izaya spoke in almost a whisper.

“It would, actually.”

It was almost surreal that now they were agreeing on stuff to somewhat improve their encounters, and the fact that Shizuo had actually listened patiently to him and hadn’t kicked him out of bed yet was a little unsettling. More unsettling though was the fact that agreeing on buying condoms and lube technically made everything more real and serious, and showed them that they had no intention to stop seeing each other that way.

Before his mind could alert him on the dangers of that, Izaya shook his head and slowly got out of bed, careful not to induce a rush of vertigo he would sometimes get if he got up too fast.

“Guess I’ll be going then.”

“Hm.” Shizuo nodded, seemingly calmer than usual, sitting on the bed and discreetly watching Izaya get dressed.

After putting his black jacket on, Izaya searched in his pockets for his cell phone, but got slightly surprised when Shizuo retrieved it from the floor and gave it to him. Izaya didn’t thank him, picking the electronic in silence and hiding it before Shizuo decided to pry. The informant raised his right hand, walking towards the exit of the small apartment.

“See you next time, Shizu-chan.”

“Hm.”

When the door clicked after Izaya left, Shizuo threw himself on the bed, sighing loudly, staring at the ceiling in the same contemplative way Izaya had done earlier.

He had a feeling that he was playing with fire and would get burned very soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo... I felt like maybe I was writing too much smut? Is there such a thing? So for this chapter I decided to focus less on the act and more on the conflict. But what does it matter anyway? I guess I'll just continue with the smut... let me know what you guys think, and thanks for reading!
> 
> Also, let me know if you spot any mistakes!


	5. Communication

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I managed to write and post the chapter earlier this time! The bad part is that I couldn't completely proofread it, so let me know if you spot any mistakes.

It had rained a lot during the past week. The days were getting shorter and colder, but Tokyo bustled with life as always. It had been a pretty bad week for Shizuo; he was in a very dangerous mood by Wednesday, and it didn’t help that the strong winds that came together with the rain had destroyed two cheap umbrellas he had bought on that same week. He also had received yet another fine for damage to public property – for trying to kill a guy who was pissing him off while two police officers passed by.

He had to endure a disappointed sigh from his boss, Tom-san, who decided to give Shizuo and Vorona a proper lecture on work ethics to see if Shizuo could improve his behaviour. Shizuo felt ashamed that he would act like such a spoiled child who needed to be reprehended by his senpai. Vorona didn’t seem to mind that; she had been the one who suggested kidnapping and torturing the guy for information in the first place.

Although Shizuo felt displeased and angry at himself, Tom-san repeated time and time again that he wasn’t mad, he just wanted his employees to be more careful when dealing with the kind of people they usually saw on their daily errands. When the lecture was done and Tom-san decided to give them the night off so they could go home, rest and escape the rain, Shizuo puffed in exhaustion and decided to make his way home, trying to calm himself down.

After taking a warm bath and enjoying some cup noodles, his phone suddenly buzzed, alerting him of a new message. He didn’t get text messages or calls very often, especially since he had quit the Dollars; it could be Tom-san or Celty wanting to talk to him, and his brother would have called instead of sending a text. Either way, it was almost ten in the evening, an unusual time for those people to reach him.

But the message was from a number he didn’t recognize, and a photo was attached to it.

_[As funny as that would be, please don’t buy one of these.]_

He frowned suspiciously, clicking on the photo and taking his time to realise that it was a picture of a condom, red wrapper and flashy writings promising pleasure accompanied by extra chocolate taste. His expression mixed into confusion and horror; he uselessly looked around his living room to stupidly check if anyone was seeing that shameful picture, and his mind stopped working for a minute of two.

What the actual fuck was that?

He tried to write a reply, struggling not to break his phone entirely due to the fury he was feeling.

_[Flea, is that you? What the fuck is wrong with your brain? How do you have my number?]_

He immediately deleted the picture from his phone; it was disturbing enough that Izaya had sent him that. The reply came seconds later.

_[Of course it’s me, idiot. Who else could it be? There’s nothing wrong with my brain, at least I have more than one functional neuron. And you’d have to be stupid to think that I wouldn’t know this kind of information about my worst enemy.]_

He felt the rage boiling up inside him, but unfortunately Izaya wasn’t around so he could bash the flea’s head against the wall. He concentrated on counting from one to ten mentally to try and calm himself down. With Izaya being an informant, it would really make sense for him to know such mundane things as Shizuo’s phone number even without the blonde’s knowledge. What Shizuo didn’t want to think about was how much more into his private life did the flea know.

After he felt it was safe to touch his phone again without breaking it, he typed a reply.

_[Why are you always so annoying, dammit? Stop sending me creepy shit.]_

Again, seconds later his phone buzzed.

_[It is an actual commercialised product, Shizu-chan. Since I know you like those horrible candies and can be as stupid as a demented monkey, I thought it’d be better to warn you.]_

He felt his face getting red and hot again; he didn’t know if he was feeling more angry or embarrassed, but he felt the need to defend himself.

_[I’d never buy shit like that. Stop annoying me or I’ll kill you.]_

The answer came even faster.

_[No you won’t. Are you free tomorrow?]_

He wasn’t expecting the question at the end of the message. So far, they had never set a specific evening. Whenever Izaya showed up in Ikebukuro and Shizuo spotted him and didn’t feel angry enough to fight him, they would simply meet at the blonde’s apartment minutes later and do their thing. It was more of an informal meeting rather than a set date. They had never arranged an encounter. Until now.

Shizuo took a couple of minutes to reply, thinking on the possibility of it being some sort of trap, but decided that if it were the case, he would just break Izaya’s legs and be done with it.

_[I’m free after nine. Do not climb the window again or I’ll push you to your certain death.]_

Shizuo thought it’d be better to warn him. Izaya had done that more than twice: climbing the window to Shizuo’s apartment instead of using the door like any normal person would. But again, Izaya was anything but normal.

_[Okey-dokey.]_

It was the last message from the annoying flea. Shizuo sighed loudly and tossed his phone aside, rubbing his face and hair to deal with the sudden headache Izaya had given him. Somehow he felt weird about Izaya knowing his phone number without his consent; if the flea suddenly decided to annoy him with messages full of fleashit while he was working, it could be problematic. Then again, he didn’t understand why Izaya had chosen condoms as the subject for a first message exchange. Probably just to piss him off.

In any case, Shizuo reluctantly thought it was better to save the flea’s number after all. That way he knew not to open suspicious messages from that number at inappropriate times, or maybe ever. Izaya probably had more than one cell phone and could send different messages from different numbers because he was an annoying insect, but it wouldn’t harm knowing the disarming password for one of the bombs. So he saved the number under the name ‘Flea’ so that only him could identify it; Celty could too if she looked at his contacts list, but she wasn’t the type to pry.

**

It would start raining in no time again, it seemed. Big black clouds roamed the sky and the wind blew and whistled through high buildings and trees. Shizuo had just finished brushing his teeth when he heard a suspicious sound coming from his living room. Leaving the bathroom, ready to kill whoever had invaded his home, he was surprised by not realising earlier that it could have only been Izaya.

The informant had climbed the window and invaded his house again.

“Good evening, Shizu-chan. Glad I managed to get here before the rain.”

“I _specifically_ told you NOT to climb the window!” Why did he even bother with that?

“Well, that’s basically the same thing as inviting me to climb the window, Shizu-chan. You should know that by now.” The insect shrugged and smiled innocently at him, and Shizuo felt the strong impulse to throw him out.

“Why can’t you use the fucking door as any normal person would?”

“But doors are so boring.”

“What?” The fucker didn’t make sense.

“Anyway, are you going to go all beastly with me or are you going to invite me to your bedroom?” Izaya cut him short before Shizuo could threaten to kill him in twenty different ways because he didn’t like ringing the doorbell.

He sensed the beast trying to calm himself down, breathing deeply and sharply. Without saying another word, Shizuo held a hand open for him, clearing the way. After all, they both knew why Izaya was there, and it wasn’t to chat. Izaya smiled and followed the lead.

“Next time I’ll really throw you down head first.” He heard the beast grunting behind him.

“Yeah, whatever.” And as soon as Izaya turned around to face him in bedroom, Shizuo was already kissing him. He had gotten bolder lately, seemingly more confident in himself; usually it was Izaya who would start everything, but Shizuo apparently liked having that sort of control over the situation, which didn’t sit well with Izaya. The informant tried to respond, but soon his lip was being bitten and Shizuo was pushing him towards the bed. When Izaya fell seated, the blonde took off his own shirt and went down to kiss him again, propelling the smaller man further into the bed, tugging at his black jacket, removing it more impatiently than not, guiding Izaya’s head to the pillow and hovering above him.

“Someone’s excited today.” He said hoarsely when Shizuo broke the long kiss. “Missed me, monster?” Instead of being fooled into a lost game, Shizuo remained quiet, shooting Izaya a menacing look that told him to stop talking, deciding to undress the smaller man himself. He took off black shirt and unfastened leather belt, pulling pants and briefs down with little effort. Soon Izaya was naked under him, and he heard a flash of light illuminating the already lit room, followed by a distant thunder sound. Even in the yellow light, Shizuo couldn’t avoid noticing the red on Izaya’s cheeks; his kiss tasted like peppermint that night; sometimes it tasted like coffee; only once it tasted like vanilla. Soon he was kissing his enemy again, this time unfastening his own pants while keeping Izaya busy with his lips; he pressed the man’s head into the pillow, deepening the kiss as he got completely naked as well. When he felt Izaya’s cold finger touching his cheeks, he suddenly backed away a few centimetres.

“Why do we even kiss, Shizu-chan?” came the whispering and uncomfortable question. But Shizuo wouldn’t fall for that. He didn’t want to search for complex explanations or logical reasoning; he just wanted to fuck Izaya.

“Don’t know. Don’t care. Shut up.” It was good kissing Izaya even if he was the worst living person on Earth. He felt Izaya laughing softly in his lips, biting hard on sensitive flesh.

They usually engaged in almost no foreplay before the actual fucking, only hungry kisses, bites and sometimes rushed and rough touches, not counting the amazing blowjobs Izaya would give him to get his cock wet with saliva to facilitate penetration. Izaya tugged at Shizuo’s hair, pulling him forwards until their lips clashed again. Shizuo found out that Izaya liked being bitten, but the flea liked biting even more; Shizuo didn’t mind that; it was fun seeing Izaya struggling to make his lips bleed and never being able to, while Shizuo could easily leave the informant’s lips swollen and red, a lot of the times blood red. Izaya didn’t like that advantage, but Shizuo only laughed at him. Izaya began touching Shizuo’s leg up and down with his own shin and foot, reaching up to his cock, which grew harder each second. Shizuo let him touch his parts like that for a few moments, never breaking the kiss until he felt Izaya struggling to breathe.

He gave the man a few moments to catch his breath, reaching up to his nightstand and picking a condom wrapper, showing it to Izaya with a sardonic smile; the informant noticed it was a normal condom, no weird taste, smell or material, and smiled back.

“You might as well consider searching in my jacket’s inner pockets.” The informant said nonchalantly. Shizuo looked at him, annoyed and suspicious, but did what he told, keeping an eye on him all the time to make sure he wouldn’t try something funny. He found a small plastic bottle inside the ugly jacket and tossed it at Izaya. It must be the lube he had talked about.

Izaya knew Shizuo wasn’t used to that kind of stuff. The dumb beast might not even know how to use the lube properly, and even though he had accepted Shizuo’s hard cock inside him eleven times already, he thought it was better if he prepared himself this time. It would be embarrassing doing it in front of Shizuo, but he knew it would make things so much easier for himself. So he uncapped the lid and poured a generous amount in his fingers, trying to relax lying in bed with legs bent and slightly open, bringing fingers full of lube near his entrance. He chose to look at the ceiling and ignore the fact that Shizuo was watching him like he was a prey ready to be eaten.

Shizuo was kneeling on the bed in front of Izaya’s lying body, intrigued at what the man would do this time. He was expecting another blowjob, but watching Izaya touching himself like that was proving to be equally stimulating; he got a privileged view of the man’s rear, watching intently as Izaya rested his head back and started stimulating his entrance; his slender fingers rounded the tight hole; Shizuo started putting on the condom, feeling his cock even harder with that vision; soon one of Izaya’s fingers was inside; Shizuo could feel him tensing his muscles unconsciously and breathing heavily, but with a few round moves, he inserted his finger deeper, whining in short and discrete breaths of pain; Izaya’s other hand started stroking his cock, trying to get it harder and maybe ease the process; Shizuo never thought the vision would be that stimulating.

Of course, he had admitted some time ago that no matter how terrible of a person Izaya was, he was still beautiful, and his body was desirable; seeing him fingering himself like that was making Shizuo’s blood rush through all his body and his patience was starting to run low. Soon he couldn’t stop himself, using one hand to touch Izaya’s propped knee, running down his leg until he replaced Izaya’s own hand in the man’s cock and started pumping his enemy himself. Izaya opened confused eyes at him, but decided not to question the rare treatment Shizuo decided to give him; the beast’s hands were rough against his sensitive member, but he decided he liked that. Soon he was adding another finger, fucking himself while Shizuo masturbated him; it was the closest to foreplay they had ever got; when he moaned in pleasure for the first time and arched his back slightly up, Shizuo felt he could wait no longer, lowering himself to kiss him desperately, positioning himself in between the man’s legs spread wide and receptive; he started to insert himself inside of Izaya, feeling the informant’s hands scratching his back and his little cries while he did so.

Shizuo had to admit that it was much better this time; the lube smoothed his way in and made it less painful and uncomfortable for Izaya, though he still preferred it without the condom; but he wasn’t going to complain; it felt amazing anyway.

After giving Izaya enough time to adjust to his size, he started thrusting like usual, going slow at first, trying to relish the first waves of pleasure going through his body. He had a vague consciousness that it was raining heavily outside, with thunders at regular intervals. But then rain soon became silent in his mind, and only he and Izaya existed.

He propped both of his elbows on each side of Izaya’s head while Izaya rested his right hand on Shizuo’s shoulder and the left on his back, digging nails into the skin. The informant bit his lower lip and closed his eyes while Shizuo watched him intently. He liked doing that; it was somehow fascinating seeing Izaya so open like that; in fact it was only during those moments that Shizuo could see a little bit of the _real_ informant, the man behind the mask, stripped of all his lies, pretences, cruelty, naked in body and soul, vulnerable and _human_. At first, he didn’t think Izaya would be capable of feeling anything remotely normal considering his wicked personality, but to his surprise and fear, he was beginning to learn that even Izaya had a human heart hidden deep inside the façade he always had protecting himself. And it was only during those moments of ‘shallow intimacy’, as the informant himself called, that Shizuo could go deep inside him and learn so much; they could be doing nothing more than fucking, they could still hate each other after that, but Shizuo couldn’t deny that he preferred an honest Izaya than a wicked one, even if the only time he could _really_ see him was during those moments.

And it was because Shizuo enjoyed stripping him of his pretences and seeing him for who he really was that he started enjoying having sex facing each other a lot more than simply turning the informant’s body over when he was in a bad mood. Izaya didn’t seem to mind each position; he would be spotting angry purple marks no matter how Shizuo fucked him. After the sixth or seventh time, Shizuo gathered some courage to ask Izaya if he wasn’t mad about the bruises, but the flea had just shrugged and told him to stop asking boring questions; it was true that Shizuo tried to control himself even if it was the flea, but sometimes he didn’t even remember grabbing Izaya’s skin with such force to mark it.

But the thoughts swirling in his mind were soon being replaced by raw pleasure again, and he started moving faster; he could hear Izaya whining, still biting his lower lip while Shizuo thrusted faster. The old bed creaked while Shizuo continuously abused Izaya’s interior; soon the flea was whining softly, and his legs were wrapping around Shizuo’s waist; Shizuo sighed in pleasure; he liked to kiss Izaya randomly while fucking him, but since the informant was still biting his own lip, Shizuo moved to his neck. As soon as he did that, Izaya couldn’t supress a loud moan and bent his head; he probably wasn’t expecting Shizuo to kiss him there, and Shizuo immediately noticed how sensitive he was; smiling wickedly in the other’s skin, he started sucking pale neck, trying to find the best spots to torture Izaya; the smaller man tried to escape craning his neck further, but he only ended up exposing more skin, and Shizuo attacked, hearing little cries from the flea; he decided he liked that sound, so he began exploring that region, from the base of the neck until his ear, thrusting harder inside of Izaya.

When he hit the man’s prostate for the first time that evening, Izaya shuddered and moaned again; Shizuo knew it was involuntary and loved reducing him to an honest mess; he felt some kind of twisted pleasure in having control over Izaya’s body, of finally winning at something, having advantage over him in some aspect. Izaya’s moans became more frequent, breathy and desperate; the left hand previously in his back went up to pull at blonde hair, and the right hand previously resting on his shoulder started scratching all the way down to his back, reaching Shizuo’s hip; Izaya grabbed it and squeezed it, digging his nails hard in soft flesh. Izaya had noticed very early that Shizuo didn’t like having his butt squeezed like that; it only made the monster annoyed, and as a consequence, he became less gentle and thrusted even harder; it was exactly what Izaya wanted.

Shizuo jabbed inside of him fiercely, bruising his prostate and sending electric shivers all through his body; he liked that kind of aggression; he couldn’t control his mind and logic at times like that, and even though he found the prospect of losing control dangerous and horrifying, he didn’t seem to mind doing it with Shizuo; so he just moaned louder when the beast slammed roughly inside him; he could feel calloused hands clutching his skin and bites around his neck, but he didn’t mind any of that, for it felt too good. He would come soon.

His cries of pleasure became more desperate and Shizuo caught on that; the blonde lifted his head from the smaller man’s neck, now red and purple, to look at his face; Shizuo knew Izaya was close, and liked seeing his reactions when he orgasmed. He would toss his head from left to right and his black silky hair would get all messy and stick to his forehead; and then after another heavenly minute – Izaya moaned when a final thrust hit his prostate and his whole body shook, especially his legs, while he came hard on his own stomach; he even convulsed once or twice while the orgasm invaded his system before his body went numb and he lost what little strength he had left. The image was enough for Shizuo as well, and soon he was also coming, hard and loudly. He let his weight fall on Izaya while they both struggled to catch their breaths, Izaya trying harder than him.

Still on top of Izaya, feeling almost normal again after a minute of trying to ease his breath, Shizuo could feel the smaller man under him still breathing heavily; Izaya would shake from time to time, like he was still lost in the remnants of his orgasm; with a lazy grunt, Shizuo got off of him, standing still beside the bed, watching his enemy trying to normalise his breaths, his chest rising and falling, his eyes closed and his lips partially open, waves of pleasure sometimes making him shake slightly still. There were new purple bruises on Izaya’s thighs to make company to yellow old ones, and his neck was all red and purple as well, covered in bites and sucking marks. Shizuo was glad he hadn’t broken into skin and made him bleed there; thinking better now, it had been dangerous; he hoped Izaya wouldn’t get mad. Not that he cared, of course.

The informant opened his eyes at that moment, looking at him with a lazy and satisfied look on his face; his eyes were darker than usual, and they met Shizuo’s gaze and remained silent. Feeling the sudden need to smoke, Shizuo took the condom off, filled with his own cum, and tossed it at the little trash can in his bedroom; picking his pack of cigarettes and his lighter, he took one and went to the window, opening it.

Big mistake; he didn’t realise the storm was so ferocious; the moment he slid the window pane, water and wind came rushing inside the bedroom, dampening his naked body and the floor. “Shit”, he murmured, closing the window right away. A loud thunder could be heard nearby; great, now he was all wet. Izaya watched him in silence; strangely, he didn’t mock him or insult him; he wasn’t even smiling his malicious smile.

“D’you mind if I smoke with the window closed?” He asked directly, his gaze meeting Izaya’s, still lying on bed.

Izaya did mind. He hated the smell of cigarettes, couldn’t stand it, actually; when Shizuo smoked with the window open, the wind would carry it away from his nose, but a closed space was different. He didn’t want to anger Shizuo though; his mind was still groggy and slow after the orgasm, he wasn’t thinking straight. He didn’t answer, just kept looking at Shizuo with a somewhat sad expression. The beast sighed and grunted. “Fine.” He said, abandoning the pack of cigarettes and giving up smoking for the time.

Izaya widened his eyes in surprise. He wasn’t expecting Shizuo to be considerate over him; the blonde must have known he didn’t like cigarettes, but not to the point of caring to know whether he would be bothered by that. Shizuo wasn’t supposed to care for his well-being; they still hated each other and didn’t care about one another’s comfort. So why–

“Clean yourself up.” The beast handed a paper tissue to him, so he could wipe the cum off his stomach. He accepted it without saying anything, silently cleaning himself. He was feeling weird; usually he would only feel lazy for a couple of minutes after the sex, but this time…somehow it had been different this time. His neck ached and his thighs were sore, and he felt discouraged somehow; Shizuo hadn’t told him to go away yet, and had even refused smoking when he knew Izaya didn’t like it. He was feeling weary. It was like he had realised just now where he was: in his enemy’s house, in a monster’s lair, giving himself in completely to a beast, exposing himself and making it easy for Shizuo to kill him, and yet Shizuo wasn’t doing any of that. Something must be wrong; he was afraid, half his mind wanted to run away, but the other half wanted to stay there forever.

He shook his head to try to dispel those confusing thoughts, sitting on the bed while Shizuo tried to open the window again to check on the rain. He really needed to go home, but the storm was too heavy. Shizuo’s building was located far away from the train station and he wasn’t in the mood to walk outside with that horrible weather; he could always call a taxi, but the traffic was probably chaotic right now.

Izaya bit his thumb, thinking about the options, reluctant to ask a favour from his enemy, feeling suddenly very much naked and vulnerable.

“Hey, Shizu-chan…” he tried in almost a whisper, getting Shizuo’s attention. The beast frowned, probably because he had used that nickname again. “Could I…stay here until the rain subsides a little?” He struggled to keep eye contact, foreseeing an angry Shizuo kicking him out before he contaminated his house.

Instead, Shizuo started dressing himself up, sighing. “Well, I suppose if you went out in a weather like this, the wind alone would take you far away. As much as I’d enjoy you being in a distant land away from my city, I guess it wouldn’t be fair to throw you out now.”

Izaya felt his jaw drop, but closed it right away. None of this was right; it wasn’t supposed to be like this. Their moment of peace should only exist while they were fucking, and they should go back to hating and fighting each other after they were done. But before he could process that, he was already saying a meek “thanks” while Shizuo left him alone in bed. The blonde suddenly turned midway. “But you have to leave after the rain is over. And if you annoy me, I’ll kick your ass out. And don’t touch my stuff.” Then he went to the living room and turned the TV on.

_That was better_ , Izaya thought, but the ideal scenario would be Shizuo just telling him to fuck off even with the apocalypse happening outside. He had decided soon when they had started this that he didn’t want anything to do with Shizuo; their encounters should be nothing but impersonal; he was beginning to fear that it wouldn’t stay as impersonal as he would have liked from now on.

He slowly got up from the bed, massaging his thigs and touching his neck where Shizuo had kissed him. He didn’t give permission for the beast to do that, but he somehow hadn’t stopped him. _Because it felt good._ Shaking his head again to ignore those dangerous thoughts, he got dressed and went to the living room, sitting at the opposite end of the couch Shizuo was seated on. The beast was watching some horror movie. A loud thunder was heard and the lights flickered.

The movie was really bad, but they didn’t speak for a long time; Shizuo seemed to be only half-watching it; Izaya sometimes spared some glances in his direction, careful not to be caught. He checked the messages on his cell phone, and after replying to Shiki-san and a few other clients, he tossed his head back.

“Shizu-chan, I’m bored.” It came out from his mouth before he could stop it. He hated feeling bored.

“Not my problem.” In the movie, a woman screamed while some monster ate her alive. It was a very gory scene, and the beast’s face turned into a grimace of disgust. He switched channels again and again, never finding something interesting to pass the time, eventually deciding to turn the TV off. A heavy silence fell upon the tiny room.

“Hey, Shizu-chan…” Izaya could feel Shizuo’s annoyed gaze directed at him. “What do you usually do when you have nothing to do?” 

The beast frowned, probably confused by the question. “Nothing.” He answered as it was obvious.

Izaya sighed, disappointed. “You’re so boring, Shizu-chan.”

“Say that word again and you’re out.”

“Which word, ‘boring’ or ‘Shizu-chan’?” He smiled mischievously; he knew he was pushing it, and maybe Shizuo had lost his patience after all, for he sighed loudly. Izaya was prepared to get kicked out, but the monster remained seated.

“Can’t you just be quiet for a second? You must be the most annoying person to ever walk on Earth.”

“Rude. And I didn’t say a thing when you were watching that horrible movie.” Shizuo grunted unintelligible words, and Izaya thought it was to be expected from a monster with no arguments left.

“Fine. What do you want to do then, stupid flea?” Izaya’s eyes widened again. What was happening to Shizuo? Why were they talking like that?

“Why do you care anyway?” he spat the words, suddenly angry at the beast.

“If I can keep you busy with some shit, maybe you’ll stop irritating me.” Izaya sighed dramatically.

“What do you have to do here?” 

The beast thought for a moment. “Watching TV…sleeping...cooking…” Izaya scoffed in disdain. Shizuo looked at him, his patience running low. “Oh, I have some games as well.” He said as if he had suddenly remembered it.

“What kind of games?” Izaya loved games, any kind; playing one with Shizuo could prove an interesting experience; he could learn a lot about the monster’s personality, and maybe figure out a better way to deal with him.

“Board games and shit, though they’re mostly abandoned in my wardrobe.”

“I’ll go check.” Shizuo didn’t like the idea of Izaya roaming through his things and he almost stopped him, but something prevented him from doing that.

“Don’t break anything or I’ll break you.” The threat was the only thing he could utter. He heard Izaya opening his old wardrobe and searching through his clothes.

Izaya eventually found a dusty spot with some boxes piled up. He sneezed, the dust prickling at his nose and making his eyes water; he removed the boxes and sat on the floor, analysing what kind of games a monster like Shizuo could enjoy.

He was surprised to find a chess board, but was utterly disappointed upon realising that almost all of the pieces were missing (only the white king and two black pawns left); there was also monopoly, but it was a very old set; the board was smashed at the corners, and there were probably missing pieces and money as well; either way, he thought monopoly would be the worst game to play with Shizuo; the beast wouldn’t have the patience nor the necessary skills to play it right, and would probably get pissed off after the first round. He also found checkers, but what caught his attention was–

“You have jenga!” He spoke out loud from the bedroom, suddenly feeling like a child.

“What?” Came the reply from the living room. Izaya decided it was better to carry the box instead of risking pissing Shizuo off.

“Jenga.” He was in front of Shizuo again, showing him the box.

Shizuo frowned. “Oh, that.” The way he said it discouraged Izaya.

“You don’t like it?”

“Whatever. Do _you_?” He asked as if Izaya wasn’t allowed to enjoy a simple game, like he was mocking the informant. Izaya just sighed and sat on the floor with crossed legs, opening the box.

“I hope nothing is missing; it was sad finding only three pieces in your chess game. Such waste.” Shizuo watched with suspicious interest while Izaya prepared the tower of the game, finding it weird that he seemed to be having fun doing that.

“All set.” The tower of wooden blocks seemed high and mighty. Izaya was suddenly looking at him in an almost impatient way.

“What?” He was tempted to punch that smug face when Izaya sighed and rolled his eyes.

“Sit here and play with me, Shizu-chan! It’s boring with just one player. How slow can you get?”

In all of his years of life, Shizuo never thought he’d be having sex with his most hated enemy. And if this fact wasn’t weird and dangerous enough, he never thought that he’d be playing some stupid innocent game with the same enemy after having rough sex with him in a stormy evening. It couldn’t get any more abnormal than that.

But since he had long ago shut the rational parts of his mind that told him that something must be wrong with all of that, he decided to just embrace everything and accept his weird fate. So he got up from the couch and sat on the floor, not too close to Izaya, but on opposite sides, sighing impatiently like the flea was demanding some great sacrifice of his part.

“I don’t know how to play this shit.”

Izaya scoffed. “Of course you do. You own it, so you must have played it at some moment in your life. Just change the positions of the blocks without disturbing the tower. I’ll start.”

The flea eyed the wooden tower cautiously, his red eyes concentrated. He tapped here and there and soon found a loose block, carefully removing it from the base of the tower and putting it at the top of it. “See? It’s easy. Your turn.”

Well, it was easy for a flea like him. Shizuo didn’t have the patience or the skills to carefully remove something so delicate without destroying everything. He wondered if Izaya had picked this game on purpose so he could annoy him. He grunted and eventually tried to pick any block to just be over with it.

“Careful, Shizu-chan!” the tower dangerously swayed. Izaya extended his arm as to prevent Shizuo from removing that block, without taking red eyes from the construction. He seemed genuinely excited about that. Although still suspecting the flea’s true intentions, Shizuo couldn’t deny it was interesting seeing him like that, so he decided to be patient and try to play the game right; or Izaya wouldn’t leave him alone because of that.

He eventually found a block and, acting like he was carrying a diamond glass, he slowly moved the block to the top of the tower. Soon, they had developed a steady rhythm. Izaya was good at that. He seemed focused and at least wasn’t being his annoying self.

“Did you play this with your brother?” Came the sudden question while Izaya moved another block up. Shizuo didn’t like the question; his brother was the last thing he wanted to talk about around the flea.

“Sometimes.” He answered coldly and emotionlessly.

“How is he, by the way? I saw an interview where he announced his next big movie.”

“Shut up about my brother.”

Izaya scoffed softly. “It’s just small talk, Shizu-chan. Silence is boring.”

“Everything is boring for you, except for crazy and disturbed stuff.”

“That’s not true.” Izaya eyed him while he made his move on the game. The tower had two more levels by now. “I just don’t like having nothing to do.”

“It doesn’t give you permission to fuck everyone else’s life.” Shizuo was getting pissed off at how many times Izaya was scoffing.

“I’m not discussing morals with you, Shizu-chan.”

“Why? Don’t like hearing the truth?” This time Izaya laughed out loud.

“I don’t want to discuss morals because it’s boring. I’m not interested in it.”

“You’re sick in the head.”

“And you’re a monster.” The tower fell and crashed when Shizuo removed the block aggressively, feeling his anger boil up and growling ominously at Izaya’s words. “Ah, you lost. Now we have to build it up again.”

Shizuo picked two wooden blocks and threw them at Izaya. The flea was hit hard in the forehead and the nose, his skin red where the projectiles collided. “Ouch! Why did you do that?”

“Just felt like it.”

Izaya tsked and Shizuo felt slightly better. The flea was building the tower again, and the rain still hadn’t stopped. Shizuo started to get anxious about the fact that he wasn’t feeling anxious about having Izaya there doing something other than fucking. He should be at the edge of his seat, but he wasn’t. It’s not like he trusted Izaya or any shit like that, he just felt that maybe, _maybe_ the man’s company wasn’t _so_ horrible after all. And this made him weary.

“There. Try not to destroy anything with your brutish strength again.” And he started again, easily picking a block and putting it on the top of the tower.

“What’re you complaining about? You won last time.” Even so, Izaya was still annoying at his chore. This was something that not even the universe could change.

“It’s boring building the tower over and over again; the best part of the game is seeing how far we can get.”

“Whatever.”

They remained silent after that for a while, and Shizuo could appreciate it. Only the rain could be heard outside, and they settled in just keep playing, and this time Izaya kept quiet and didn’t try to annoy him. Time just passed them by, until Shizuo came at a halt in the game, the tower so tall and unbalanced that he thought he couldn’t take any more blocks without destroying it. He huffed and decided to finish the job, reaching his arm to make everything collapse. But Izaya didn’t let him.

“Hey, what do you think you’re doing?” The flea’s hand grabbed his arm to stop him from calling it a ‘game over’. Shizuo stopped, not because the flea asked or because the scrawny arm prevented his movement, but because he was shocked that Izaya touched him like that.

“We lost. There’s no way this thing won’t fall next round, no matter what block we take. Better just end up with it.”

“We didn’t lose yet, Shizu-chan. How can you know that before even trying? I never knew you to be a quitter.” 

Shizuo grunted and removed his arm from Izaya’s hold. “Then do it yourself. It’ll fall on top of you and I’m gonna laugh at your face.”

“So kind of you. It won’t fall if we do it right.” And the flea started tapping the remaining blocks, giving up on two which seemed stuck and comparing three options of loose ones.

“It will fall eventually.”

“But it won’t fall now. Just shut up and let me.”

“Don’t tell me to shut up, you stupid bag of fleashit.”

Izaya sighed, clearly annoyed, which only served to piss Shizuo off even more. Then the flea’s dark eyes narrowed and he very carefully started removing a block from the middle of the tower. The structure swayed a bit and he stopped removing it. For some reason, Shizuo watched him intently, holding his breath.

“We just need to be careful.” The flea spoke in a whisper.

“Why are you whispering?” Shizuo practically screamed, to which Izaya rolled his eyes in annoyance, but didn’t answer.

“Shut up, Shizu-chan.”

“I told you already to stop using that damn nickname.” Izaya just scoffed softly and went back to his mission. He was barely touching the wooden block, maybe using some dark flea magic to move it smoothly out of the pile. The structure began swaying again, but Izaya persisted. He finally managed to remove the block, waiting for the swaying to stop and then carefully putting it on top of the tower. Without realising, they both exhaled satisfied.

“See? We didn’t lose.”

“Try another one then, dumbass.” Izaya accepted the challenge and focused on another block he could use to continue the game. Testing two possible alternatives, he settled on one, but the structure started swaying again, more prominently than before. “Try the other one.”

“The other one is too firmly stuck. This one’s better.”

“The left side of the thing is being supported by it. You take it, you break it.”

“The other one is worse, Shizu-chan, it will fall if I use force to remove it. This one is better.”

“At least try the other one.”

“Shut up and let me.” The flea was stubborn. He wouldn’t admit that he was wrong after having already made his mind. Shizuo sighed in annoyance.

“I’m trying to help you, idiot. If you continue, it will–”

The whole tower crumbled to the ground as Izaya finished removing the block in a rush, and since it was already pending to the flea’s side, the blocks fell on top of his head, and Shizuo heard him curse lightly.

“–fall. See, idiot? That’s what I was trying to say.” He was prepared for a sardonic and annoying answer from the flea, but instead, Izaya started laughing softly. Shizuo looked at him as if he had just seen an alien, and when it turned to a full loud laughter, Shizuo wondered if that sort of wickedness was contagious and whether he should just back away to prevent catching whatever it was.

Izaya was laughing with his eyes closed, heartily and loudly. But it wasn’t a sarcastic or evil laugh, it was a happy laugh, as if he was founding all of that genuinely funny.

“What the fuck’s wrong with you?”

Shizuo was still looking at him like he was mad, and Izaya eventually stopped laughing, covering his mouth with his hand and chuckling softly as he calmed down. “Well, it was a wonderful failure.” He said finally, gathering the sprawled pieces closer to him. “But it was fun.” He added ten seconds later, and Shizuo looked at him surprised, not knowing if he was being fooled or mocked at.

“You’re laughing because you lost?” Izaya had many layers of abnormality.

“I’m laughing because even though I lost, I had fun playing it, Shizu-chan. Can’t you understand a simple concept like that?”

“I can. What I can’t is picturing you acting like a fucking normal person.”

“Well, you don’t know me well enough, Shizu-chan.” His sly smile, though dangerous and malicious, was also unique to him, beautiful even. It was like an irresistible temptation into a wretched sin, inviting Shizuo into that madness.

And for once, the flea was right.

Actually, he knew nothing about Izaya.

And what scared him the most was the fact that he wanted to know.

“Look, the rain stopped.” Izaya suddenly looked at the dark sky outside the glass window pane. The rain hadn’t stopped completely, but compared to an hour ago, it was like a sunny paradise. “Guess I’ll be going before Shizu-chan kicks me out.”

And for once, Shizuo didn’t threaten him. He was lost in his own thoughts once again; this was happening a lot since he and Izaya had declared themselves as ‘enemies with benefits’. He watched Izaya getting up not so ungraciously, adjust his jacket and walk towards the window.

“See you next time, Shizu-chan.” He said, waving his hand and smiling innocently, sliding the glass open, jumping to the narrow balcony and disappearing from view the next second.

The mystery on why he preferred to use the window instead of the door stuck with Shizuo until he went to sleep.


	6. Peace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, here's the chapter.

The city was weird lately. Shizuo was always walking up and down the streets, visiting crowded places and dirty alleys as part of his bodyguard job, so he always had a very clear idea of what was happening around the neighbourhood or if something didn’t feel right. And right now, the city stank. A weird atmosphere had been hovering Ikebukuro for over a month now, but since this assumption was mostly based on Shizuo’s instincts, he had no concrete evidence that something was _actually_ happening and therefore couldn’t do anything about it.

And of course, he always had Izaya to blame. He knew that 99% of all the weird things that happened in his precious city were the goddamn flea’s entire fault, and since he started seeing him frequently strolling around Ikebukuro a lot for the past month, he always assumed it was just another shitty flea business, and always made sure to kick his ass out before he could cause some damage (except for when they occasionally gave up the fight so they could fuck at Shizuo’s apartment). But now, things were different; darker, sombre, more concrete. Shizuo could feel it in the air, in the faces of worried people, in the police who could be seen in more numbers patrolling the streets no matter the time of the day.

_Izaya is doing something here._

Every time the city seemed strange, blaming Izaya was the first of Shizuo’s instincts, and he usually was right. The fleabag was known even among the police for his misdeeds in the district, and more often than not was always around to spread his flea stench and annoy Shizuo. So it was only natural to think that Izaya was involved in everything that was happening lately: Ikebukuro was going through an increase in shopliftings, random people were being attacked in the streets, serious fights were happening practically every day, a number of public properties were being damaged and vandalised, great amounts of garbage were being left in the streets and parks to rot and stench and so on. The city was chaos. Ordinary people like salarymen, housewives and even students were worried about going out and being robbed or beaten for no reason; since the attacks were always random, the police had decided that whoever was doing this had a grudge against the city itself, not against one particular person or one particular group of people (like the police or some gang). The whole city was on edge, and it had started roughly two week ago. So far, investigations had led to no identifiable culprit or culprits (more likely), but Shizuo would bet his money that it was the flea’s fault.

And he was pissed. He was sure that if he found Izaya right now, he wouldn’t even waste time questioning the idiot, he would just smash his head against the wall and break every limb of his scrawny body, kick him in the ribs until he passed out and then throw him in front of the train. It didn’t matter that they were fucking; it didn’t matter that last time they had played jenga together and he had had fun; Ikebukuro was his home and Izaya was a horrible person who was screwing everything up just for the laughs, which made him Shizuo’s enemy again. He would find the little shit and he would kill him for ruining everyone’s life and the peace he always considered to be the most important thing in his life.

The problem was that even though Izaya was the culprit, he hadn’t seen the flea in Ikebukuro in more than three weeks, not since that evening when they had fucked and Izaya asked him in a hesitant voice if he could stay until the rain stopped and then they played some stupid game and the flea laughed like an innocent child when he lost. They had unconsciously settled on a routine of having sex roughly once a week, when Izaya would show up carrying a white flag and they would kiss instead of fight. But the flea hadn’t showed up; mid-October was cold and rainy, and Shizuo hadn’t seen the man in almost four weeks; he didn’t want to admit that he missed kissing and fucking him (even though his body kept craving for a taste of Izaya, pissing him off even more), but he was on edge about all of that. He knew Izaya acted in the shadows, and the fact that he was ruining everything while hiding cowardly in the comfort of his house was enough to make the rage boil inside of Shizuo and prompt him to say the words ‘kill kill kill kill’ all day long.

He had to find Izaya and stop him, put some sense into that wretched head, beat him until he passed out from the pain and make him apologise a hundred times to every person who had suffered for the past weeks.

He knew where Izaya lived in Shinjuku; it would be easy to just go there and smash the door open, get him by the throat and end his evil plan; but he didn’t want to abandon Ikebukuro in that state of instability. Even though it wasn’t part of his job, he, Tom-san and Vorona had already prevented two big fights from happening that day, between unknown thugs and innocent civilians; it was too bad that Shizuo had knocked all of them unconscious, so they couldn’t interrogate them; he handed some of the thugs to the police (anonymously, of course) and some to Kadota’s group; they agreed with him that the situation was chaos and were trying to help in their own way.

During their lunch break, one of the few moments where he could find peace (they were in Russia Sushi, and Simon would take care of every fight happening in his proximities), he had managed to calm down a little, and Tom-san kept telling him that the situation would resolve on its own.

“It’s probably some gang that has a grudge against another gang and are too stupid or coward to attack them directly, so they turn to normal civilians.” He said while eating his sushi.

“This city is at war. This has been confirmed. Retaliation must happen to defend the motherland.” Vorona said gravely beside him.

“We’re not at war. The police will soon solve this. Your friend, the Black Rider, is helping too, from what I’ve been hearing.”

Celty was indeed doing some sort of patrol work on the streets, protecting people and the environment she lived in. Shizuo talked to her only the day before, and she said she would try to figure out what was going on. Shizuo didn’t need confirmation. Next time he saw Izaya, the man was dead.

Suddenly, he remembered. Izaya might be hiding from the public eye for now, but Shizuo still had his number. He didn’t feel comfortable sending him a message of any kind, but it was better than nothing. He took his cell phone, looked for Izaya’s number and typed hastily:

_[Stop fucking with my city or I’ll make you stop.]_

The reply never came. Shizuo regretted sending the message. The flea was probably laughing at his face while drinking whatever drink villains had when they were basking in their evilness and glory. Now he felt even more pissed. Tom-san realised that and offered to buy him some strawberry milkshake. Shizuo wanted to tell him that not even a hundred milkshakes could improve his mood currently, but he knew Tom-san was only trying to help, so he kept his mouth shut.

Izaya replied two hours later.

_[I don’t have time for a monster’s delusions right now, Shizu-chan. I’m not even in Ikebukuro today, so I can only guess what you’re talking about.]_

Shizuo roared in fury, scaring the hooligan they were demanding money from, which made the man squirm in fear and hand them half the money he owned. Shizuo ignored him and typed furiously, even more pissed that he was sure he would have to buy another cell phone because there was no way his current one would survive that ordeal.

_[Stop playing dumb, you stinking bag of fleashit. Everything that’s been happening around here is your fault. So you better make it stop or I’ll break all your teeth and squash your pretty face with my own hands.]_

They were leaving to find the next debtor when his phone buzzed again. He almost threw it far away in a fit of rage when he read the flea’s reply.

_[Care to clarify what’s exactly happening in your precious city?]_

Like he didn’t know! It was all his damn fault and he acted like he didn’t know a thing! How stupid did he take Shizuo for? How sick was he to fuck everything up and then act like he was innocent? Shizuo was fuming; he would kill the next person who dared look at him funny; and he would kill Izaya when he saw him.

“Er…Shizuo…? Something wrong?” Tom-san was looking at him worriedly. He knew he couldn’t explode right now, in the middle of his shift. He couldn’t destroy the city or beat the civilians when he was trying to save them from the current unknown threat. So he counted from one to a hundred mentally in his head, sitting on the floor and trying to calm down while Tom-san and Vorona waited patiently for him. When he opened his eyes, his expression was still dangerous, but he could at least think clearly.

“Does senpai need help in confirming the enemy?” Vorona said while he got up, handing him his phone which he had dropped on the floor earlier. Luckily it still worked.

There was one new message displayed on the screen, and thankfully, it wasn’t from Izaya.

_From: Celty  
[Are you busy now, Shizuo? I need to talk to you.]_

Maybe Celty had some new information about the recent events, maybe she even had Izaya tied by the ankles and wrists ready for his revenge. He decided that resolving the situation was more important than his job right now, and he knew Tom-san and Vorona would understand, since they too were worried about the current state of the city. Everyone was. So he took a deep breath, cleared his throat and asked if he could take the rest of the day off to talk with a friend of his about what could be done for the sake of Ikebukuro. Tom-san seemed reluctant, but he wasn’t foolish enough to confront Shizuo when he knew the man to be unstable. He just made Shizuo promise not to do anything stupid or dangerous. Vorona said that he could always contact her for support on the battlefield. He waved them goodbye and told Celty to meet him at the West Gate Park.

Celty arrived five minutes after him, parked her bike and walked to his direction, weary of her surroundings.

“Hi, Celty. Are you okay?” They were standing face to face. Celty retrieved her PDA and started typing.

[I’m okay despite the recent ruckus. Kadota’s group discovered some things and I thought I’d better tell you before you did something dangerous – no offense.]

“None taken. You’re right anyway. So what did they find out?”

[They interrogated some of the thugs you brought them, and their answers to the questions were mostly confused and contradictory, but they think they grasped the basic reason for the chaos happening here lately.]

“It has something to do with that fleabag, doesn’t it? He’s always the culprit.”

Celty tensed when she realised who he was talking about and decided to tread carefully from now on.

[Please try to remain calm.]

[The thugs said they came from Akihabara; well, some came from Nakano as well; when Yumasaki asked them who they were and why they were doing this to Ikebukuro, some replied that it was revenge, others that they were just following orders and others said it was just for money. Considering the number of people attacking the city, I think it is likely that at the beginning, it was just some kind of fight between a gang here and another gang somewhere else, but the conflict got bigger and soon people who had nothing to do with the initial fight were dragged into this.]

“This sounds exactly like something Izaya would do.” He was feeling red and hot again, the fury making him snap his fingers.

[No, wait, Shizuo. I was talking to Izaya just now, and he said he has nothing to do with it.]

“And you just believed him? Of course he would say that! That shitty motherfucker must be laughing at everybody now, counting advantage and planning more shady stuff. How can you believe him, Celty?”

Celty made a gesture as if she was taking a deep breath before typing a long message.

[Please read this until the end. Izaya contacted me a while ago, asking if something was up in Ikebukuro, and I told him about the stealing, the fighting and the chaos. I was ready to blame him just like you, but apparently this is bigger than him. I know he is involved, but trust me, he wasn’t happy when I told him about everything that was happening. He’s been in Akihabara for two weeks now, at least that’s what he told me, dealing with some serious business I don’t even want to know. He said he would find a way to come here to see what the deal is.]

“He’s coming here to _help?_ Ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Shizuo couldn’t avoid the thunderous laughing escaping from him. It was the funniest thing he had ever been told. Then, his expression turned serious. “I don’t trust him, Celty, and you shouldn’t as well. As soon as he gets here, I’ll make sure he wakes up in a hospital bed.”

[Well, let’s just wait and see. I know he’s not trustworthy, but he seemed to be telling the truth this time. Please don’t do anything crazy, Shizuo.]

Shizuo’s phone started buzzing again, but he didn’t want to open it in front of Celty if it was a message from the flea.

“For his own good, he better fix this shit he’s been planning. I’ll see if I can find any more of those fuckers messing with my city and get the truth out of them. Try to be careful as well.” He ignored her plea not to do something stupid, and Celty dropped her shoulders and typed one last message.

[I’ll be patrolling the streets to prevent more misdeeds. If I know anything else, I’ll tell you. And please, Shizuo, do not let your anger get the best of you.]

He grunted when he read the last phrase, but decided not to answer, and she waved her hand and went back to Shooter. Shizuo was left alone in the park, along with some civilians and policemen, and finally prepared himself to read the flea’s message.

_[I talked to your headless friend since you apparently can’t write a message that’s over 100 characters, and she explained what is going on. Before you throw another vending machine at me, I can tell you that I’m not responsible for any of that, although I know who is causing the trouble and why. So just be a good monster and stay quiet in your lair while I handle the situation.]_

He knew he would get angry reading the message, but if Izaya thought he would just fall for his traps, he was as wrong as when he had tried to remove that last block from the jenga tower and ended up losing the game.

_[How about you stop fucking everybody up and just be honest for once in your life? Everything that’s been happening here has your signature all over and I won’t just let you go free after this. You better be prepared to have all your bones broken, flea, because I don’t believe a shit that comes out of your mouth and you’ll pay for everything you caused this time.]_

The reply came faster than he anticipated.

_[Have you just ignored the part where I wrote that I have nothing to do with this or is your brain too stunted to process the words? Just so you know, I’m coming back right now to help your damn city and you’re such a mindless beast that you can’t even see past your irrational desire to destroy everything.]_

When he finished reading the message, he felt weird. It wasn’t just anger boiling up inside, it was something deeper, more corrosive, like Izaya’s words were trying to pierce through him and…hurt him. No. He wasn’t hurt by the flea’s words. He trusted his instincts, he knew Izaya had something to do with everything that went wrong with the city in the past weeks. Izaya was just trying to fool him, like he always did. The flea couldn’t possibly be trying to _help_ Ikebukuro when he had been trying to do the opposite his whole life. It simply wasn’t acceptable.

Finally, after pacing the park up and down murmuring threatening words to the air, he settled on a bench and was left alone for the rest of the afternoon; if the policemen around thought they needed to question him because of his ominous behaviour, they didn’t have the courage to do so. He only knew that the minute he found Izaya, he would force out the truth from him and beat him up until he learned his place.

**

The cold autumn wind blew stronger as the hours passed, and Shizuo had long ago left the park, choosing to patrol the crowded streets and blow off some steam in anyone who tried to cause ruckus around him. Although he did break the nose and limbs of four or five hooligans, soon he felt something else going on; like something was changing, like another player had been added to Izaya’s sick game and the situation had evolved to another phase.

Among normal civilians and disguised enemies, there were even stranger men. They were mostly dressed in ordinary clothes, but Shizuo could differentiate them by the look on their faces; they walked among the crowds observing, talking in cell phones, communicating in whispers, and soon they were surrounding a group of Ikebukuro’s enemies. The thugs were caught by surprise, and tried to attack the men before cowering and trying to escape, but the men would just grab them by the collars and discreetly throw them in suspicious vans parked conveniently nearby. Shizuo began following them, noticing how they would do the job so efficiently that normal people didn’t even notice them. Soon he passed through a mixed group of men and women and heard them talking, “Did you read the Dollars forum?” “What’s happening in the city?” “I hear someone came here to help. The attacks are stopping.” “Isn’t it just the police?” “No, seems more like the mob or something.” “Why the mob?” “I don’t know, but it would be cool if it was!” “But it’s true that the streets are being cleaned and some people are getting caught, and it’s not by the police.” “I just hope everything goes back to normal.”

Could they be right? Could someone be pulling the strings and cleaning the city of the bad people trying to destroy it? Could it be…no, no way. Whatever was happening now, it couldn’t be Izaya’s help. It just didn’t make sense. Shizuo refused to believe that the man was innocent this time, because all his life he had been led to believe in the entire opposite.

The sun began to set after a couple of hours, and now it was apparent that the news had reached the populace in general in informal ways, like the internet and gossip. People around Shizuo seemed more agitated, whispering that something had happened earlier and that a lot of criminals who were causing ruckus had been caught or handed to the police anonymously. When Shizuo entered a convenience store to grab a snack, he started watching the small TV there, a news program talking about that very same thing. The reporter was standing at 60-Kai Street reporting the last events.

_“For the past weeks, the city of Ikebukuro has reported a series of random attacks on civilians, robbery and shopliftings, vandalism and destruction. The police has been investigating this sudden and inexplicable wave of sudden criminal activity, but today, all of the mysterious attacks and suspicious events in the city came to an abrupt stop. The people responsible for the crimes were handed over to several police stations across the city and appear to be gang members, but no one knows the identity of the heroes who saved the city. The people we interviewed on the streets reported that compared to yesterday and the days before, where hundreds of criminal acts were being reported continuously, today everything began to calm down around 4 pm, when some people witnessed possible suspects disappearing while trying to run away after a criminal act. We will talk now with the chief of police of Ikebukuro…”_

He left the convenience store and immediately started smoking a cigarette because he was so confused. Nothing made sense, and even if Izaya was involved, it was clearly as Celty had said earlier: it was bigger than him. Whatever had happened in Ikebukuro wasn’t just a simple ploy, a simple sick game, it was something bigger. He knew now more than ever that he had to find Izaya and force him to tell Shizuo the truth, or else he wouldn’t be able to sleep at night.

As he was returning to his apartment, the streets dark and the weather cold – with possibly more rain on the way – he heard the sound of engine and voices talking. Narrowing his eyes, hiding himself and trying to listen to the conversation, he immediately heard Izaya’s voice and had to control himself into staying in the same position and not jump at the man’s neck.

“Is this the last one?” A cold, heavy male voice began to say.

“I believe so. Shiki-san is taking care of the rest.” Izaya’s voice was loud and clear, and Shizuo heard something being thrown inside of the van.

“What does he plan on doing with the traitors?” The first voice could be heard again.

“The Awakusu-kai didn’t share their plans with me in this regard, but I bet these poor culprits are in for a hellish fate.” Shizuo heard the cold voice laughing sardonically at the flea’s reply. “I should thank you for your services for the sake of the Awakusu-kai again, sir.”

“No problem, cutepie. Call me whenever you need.” What had the man just called Izaya? Shizuo narrowed his eyes and made a disgusted face, his hands balling into fists ready to smash someone’s face.

Izaya didn’t reply after that, and the van’s engine started roaring, soon distancing away as only the wind made noise. He chose to reveal himself at that moment, not caring if he was making any sound. Izaya had his back turned on him, but it was like he knew that Shizuo was already there.

“Will you let me explain before trying to kill me?” He heard the flea’s voice, almost as cold as that man’s had been.

“You have one minute to explain what the fuck was all of that, _cutepie_.” His voice was ominous and hoarse as he approached the smaller man, but Izaya scoffed at the nickname.

“Don’t worry, Shizu-chan, I only have eyes for you.”

“50 seconds left.”

Izaya slowly turned around. He was smirking, his switchblade already firmly held in his left hand, though he wasn’t pointing it at Shizuo. Yet.

“You should thank me. I just saved your precious city.”

“I’ll need more than that before deciding that you deserve to be kicked in the ribs, Izaya-kun.”

“And yet you gave me one minute to explain it all. Do you do this on purpose or are you just that stupid?”

Shizuo roared, sprinting at that very moment, decided to catch the idiot flea because he was so pissed at everything that had happened in the past weeks. All of the attacks, the disturbance of his peace, the worried people, the foreign threat on the city, and that bastard flea had been involved since the beginning and now acted as if he was the saviour, making a fool of Shizuo and everyone else! He wouldn’t escape unscathed. Shizuo would make him confess.

He was soon running faster, all of the adrenaline and survival instinct pent up inside him since everything had started going weird was now finally being released at his most hated enemy. He wouldn’t let Izaya escape.

The moon was high in the sky, and Shizuo finally found Izaya resting against a wall, waiting for him as if he was waiting for the sun to rise again, relaxed and seemingly reckless. Shizuo stopped running, taking big angry steps towards him. Izaya stood up, his pose rather defensive, and began to talk before Shizuo punched his face.

“Are you really going to beat me, Shizuo?” Shizuo was rather surprised to hear his full name rather than the imbecile nickname the flea insisted on using. This made him stop wearily just a meter away from the flea.

“I just want to know what you did to the city.” His voice was dark and threatening, but Izaya just sighed, his expression rather impatient.

“I told you before, it wasn’t my fault–”

“Bullshit! Every shitty thing that happens here can be traced back in one way or another to you! I know you’re involved in whatever this was, and don’t think I can’t see when you’re lying.”

“And yet you refuse to believe I’m telling the truth!” The flea kept his voice low, but it was clear that he was angry as well. Shizuo took one big step towards him, forcing his back to retreat to the wall behind him.

“That’s because I know how wretched and twisted your plans can go. After all that you’ve done to me and others, do you really think everyone will just believe you when you say you’re telling the truth?” Before Izaya could retort, Shizuo raised his voice and cornered Izaya even further into the wall. “What have you been doing for the past two weeks? What was the meaning of the war that happened here? Why were all those fuckers trying to destroy everything here? What have you been doing all this time? Celty said you were in Akihabara? And then some thugs from Akihabara come here as well? And then you suddenly appear and strange men start wiping the fuckers from the streets and everything is suddenly okay again, and then I see you talking to some other fucker who probably has dead bodies inside that shitty van and he calls you a cutepie in the most disgusting voice I’ve ever heard! Now explain it to me! I’m dying to hear your precious and _innocent_ side of the story!”

Izaya’s brows were completely frown by the time Shizuo finished speaking his mind, and his expression was serious and somewhat angry, his eyes black and cold and his lips thin and contrived. He remained silent for a few seconds, but Shizuo’s phone suddenly buzzed with a message, and then another one, and another one. Pissed with all of that, he quickly took a glance at the screen, realising the messages were from Celty. Keeping an eye on his phone and an eye on Izaya to make sure he wouldn’t run away, he read through the messages as fast as he could.

_[Shizuo, where are you? I was right about Izaya, he wasn’t the culprit this time! Shinra just told me everything!]_

_[Apparently the Awakusu-kai was negotiating with a yakuza branch from Akihabara over something serious, like territory and trading business, but the Akihabara yakuza betrayed the Awakusu-kai, and while everyone was there in Akiba to negotiate, they hired subalterns to threaten the city while the Awakusu-kai wasn’t here to prevent this! They must have thought that they could scare the Awkausu-kai this way and have the advantage over the negotiation, but Izaya somehow realised what was going on and alerted the higher-ups at Awakusu-kai, and they returned today to get rid of the thugs sent to cause chaos!]_

_[I know it sounds crazy, but Shinra was just treating some member of the Awakusu-kai who helped clear the streets and he told us everything! Please, believe me! The city isn’t being threatened anymore, everything will return to normal. Please don’t fight with Izaya if you see him!]_

He could sense how much Celty wanted him to believe in her, and he knew she would never lie to him, and he had believed in far worse paranormal things she had told him before and that ended up being truer than truth. He knew she must be telling the truth this time again, but there was still something wrong in all of this. He knew Izaya was still standing right in front of him, watching him intently, his face a mask to hide his true emotions, but upon meeting his gaze, Shizuo could see contempt and anger, mixed with…disappointment, or maybe resentment.

And when he saw that face, he knew what was wrong. _He_ was wrong, and Izaya was right. He involuntarily softened his face, as if suddenly realising his mistake, a vague sense of guilt and regret invading him when he thought about everything he said to the flea and it turned out to be wrong, because strangely and surprisingly, Izaya was innocent this time, and Shizuo had done nothing more than insult and accuse him. It was funny how easily the tables could turn.

Izaya must have noticed the look on his face when he realised he was wrong. “Do you get it now? Idiot.” His voice was a whisper, heavy and hurt, and he pushed Shzuo backwards before walking away.

“Wait, flea.” Shizuo caught him by the arm, and Izaya knew he wouldn’t be able to go if Shizuo didn’t release his hold.

“I actually don’t blame you for thinking I was responsible for this. I would have done the same if I were you, God forbid!”

“Look, I was wrong, okay? It sucks for me to do this, but I’m sorry. I still don’t really get what happened, but it seems like you really tried to help.” It was incredibly difficult apologising to someone he still hated, but he felt that it was necessary; he didn’t know why, but it was important that he apologised.

Izaya scoffed, trying to free himself from Shizuo’s hold. “Who sent you those messages explaining everything? Celty? Of course you wouldn’t even blink before trusting anything that headless creature tells you, but when I tried to tell you _exactly_ the same thing, you–”

“What, you expected me to believe you, then? Believe _you_ , the biggest liar I’ve ever known, _you_ , with your shitty plans and personality and all the horrible things you have in your favour, of course, how stupid of me for distrusting your innocent, _innocent_ self! You said just now that not even _you_ would trust you, dumbass, so stop playing the victim here! You may not be guilty this time, but I bet you have a shitty evil plan of your own to mess with the peace here!” He could feel his own anger pouring out of him, tightening the hold on Izaya’s arm without realising it. The flea suddenly started laughing out loud and looked at Shizuo with a maniac look in his bloodied eyes.

“You know what, Shizu-chan? You’re right! I’m the liar you say I am, and I didn’t save the city because I cared about the people here, not even because the yakuza ordered me to! Ikebukuro is _my_ yard, where I can play my games just the way I want! I wouldn’t let anyone else invade my yard and step on the flowers I cultivated for so long and which were mine from the start to trample on! How selfish of me, right? Ikebukuro is mine to destroy, not anybody else’s! That’s why I helped your stupid city this time, so you have the right to be mad at me! I don’t want your apologies.”

Shizuo had this perplexed look on his face, like he couldn’t believe the shit he was hearing. “You…you’re sick! You’re such a coward and a horrible fucker!” Izaya had a wide and crazy smile on his face, like he was relishing in the hate Shizuo was showing him.

“Will you beat me now, Shizu-chan?” He asked out loud and laughed out loud. “Or maybe you’ll try to kill me like last time, but I wonder if you’ll fail again? Oops, look at that nasty look on your face!” Shizuo was sure his expression was that of a cold-blooded murderer. But Izaya just kept talking and laughing like it was all so funny. “I love this expression, Shizu-chan, and you know why? Because it perfectly suits the beast you really are!”

“Shut up!” Shizuo shoved him in the wall, Izaya’s back colliding against it. Shizuo’s hand was soon around his neck again. “Everybody here knows that the real monster is you!”

“HA-HA-HA-HA! Come on, try and choke me to death again, monster! Or maybe we should just fuck while the adrenaline is high? A monster like you could surely get horny in a situation like this! Didn’t you miss me, Shizu-chan? Now’s your chance, so don’t waste it! Fuck me raw and hard, just the way I like! Punish me like I know you want to!”

Shizuo tightened the grip on the Izaya’s neck, the same frail neck he had covered in kisses last time. He was fuming, he could only see red, he was tired of the provocations and insults and the way Izaya rubbed in his face how disturbed and evil he was, how he couldn’t care less about anything good, how he got off on watching others, including Shizuo, suffer.

He wanted nothing more than to crush his beautiful face until only blood and bones were left. He was so furious he could have done that in less than a second.

But he didn’t. He knew those gory thoughts were just his anger talking, not his real self. This cursed and dangerous anger that lived inside of him and that he couldn’t get rid off no matter what he did. Yes, he was angry at Izaya, and the man probably deserved even more of his hatred. But he wouldn’t succumb. He wouldn’t do what Izaya wanted him to do, he wouldn’t turn into a monster, he wouldn’t lose control, he wouldn’t hurt him, because he knew Izaya was already hurt.

That’s why he was throwing such vicious insults at Shizuo like that. Shizuo was terrible at dealing with other people, but ironically he could read Izaya well enough to tell that. Maybe he had developed that as a survival technique against his worst enemy. He had no real logical explanation to prove that Izaya was hurt, yet he was sure of that. He could feel it in his voice, his gestures, his cold and dark look, the way he desperately tried to anger Shizuo to heal himself.

“What are you waiting for, monster?” Izaya had his switchblade in his left hand again, his eyes defying Shizuo to strangle him, but Shizuo just closed his eyes, and released the frail neck from his hold. Izaya looked at him dumbfounded.

“I’m sorry for not believing you.” He tried to say in a serious, non-threatening voice.

Izaya scoffed louder this time. “What’s that, can’t do it again?”

“I’m not wasting my time doing what you want me to do.”

“What do you think this is, Shizu-chan? Why are you apologising? You think I want it from you? You think I _need_ it?”

“You’re mad at me because I judged you before–”

“What are you talking about?” Again, that wide and wicked smile on his face to hide his surprise. “Do you think I’m ‘hurt’ because of your oh so cruel words? Do you think I care what you think of me? What do you think is happening between us? Why do you even care to apologise?”

“Just stop talking, okay? I just did what I thought was right! I know perfectly well that I still hate you, that you’re a shitty person and the only thing I get from fucking you is some release. You could die now for all I care, but for such a clever fellow like you, sometimes you can be really stupid.”

Izaya glared at him in silence, but as soon as he opened his mouth to retort, Shizuo cut him short. “I can see through you, flea. You’re pissed off because I blamed you for something serious that wasn’t your fault. I’m apologising because unlike you, I have a conscience. You don’t need to accept it, you just need to hear it. And if the time comes and you are in fact guilty of some crazy shit happening here, you can be sure that I’ll make you pay for that. But this day is not today. Go home and get some rest, you look like you haven’t slept for the past two weeks.”

Izaya was completely silent; maybe he was too surprised or shocked to utter a single word. Shizuo couldn’t blame him. It wasn’t always that he would let him go free and unharmed.

“I hate you, Shizuo!” He suddenly screamed. It was a very rare case for Izaya to be screaming. “I hate you and everything you stand for! I hate your stupid morals and your stupid honesty! I hope you choke and die on it! And next time we fuck, you better pray that I don’t slit your throat while you’re too distracted having a stupid orgasm!”

Izaya huffed one last time before turning his body and walking away, but two steps later, he turned around and spat more words. “And don’t act all righteous with me, monster. You can stick your dummy apologies in your ass because I don’t need it. You’re not allowed to have a conscience, and the only thing I’ll accept from you is your hatred. Stop pretending that you care!” He paused to catch his breath and finished. “And don’t _ever_ call me cutepie again or I’ll gouge your eyes out!” His voice was heavy and disgusted, like he was talking to the man who had first said that to him, and not Shizuo.

Izaya disappeared in the darkness soon after, and Shizuo was left alone pondering over his spiteful words. _I wasn’t pretending when I apologised_. He kept thinking that all the way to his apartment, and when his thoughts started going deeper and deeper into his mind, he realised he was walking through a dangerous path.

_Because I do care._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this isn't the most exciting chapter, but I think it was necessary to establish some aspects of Shizuo's opinions about Izaya and make him rethink them. Hope you liked it!


	7. Addicted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again, hope you like the chapter!

The days were getting colder and darker, and Izaya was feeling more tired than normal lately. He had had two episodes of migraine in the past week, and his clients weren’t making it better for him. Still, he persisted, for nothing in the world could stop his love for humanity from showing. He would talk to people, stalk them, see if there was anything interesting in chat rooms and forums, go for walks and prepare wicked plans to be used against certain people someday.

In short, life for Izaya was just following its normal course. Even the migraines weren’t strangers to him. He liked having a routine, a kind of comfort zone to which he could always return to when he wasn’t dealing with his most hated enemy.

Shizuo was everything Izaya wished he could get rid of, yet it was the one thing he was beginning to crave the most. Ever since the day when he had kissed the damn beast, their entire dynamics towards each other had changed. Yes, there was still strong hate in between them, but Shizuo was so unpredictable and unreadable, so raw and honest, so inhumanly human that Izaya didn’t know what to expect anymore; the beast’s behaviour seemed to be changing gradually despite they agreeing that they were just fucking for fun. He didn’t want anything to do with Shizuo other than the fights and the sex; he couldn’t, for he knew it was dangerous to get deeply involved with someone who he could not control and could not love so purely and impersonally as he did with any other human being.

He didn’t love Shizuo, for Shizuo was no human, and he only loved humans. Shizuo was a monster, an aberration, an unnatural natural disaster, and Izaya couldn’t love anything so ugly and so irritating. Irritating because despite wanting to understand how his mind worked and why Shizuo reacted in certain ways, he simply couldn’t read the beast’s mind as well as he could read other people’s. And what irritated him the most was that apparently, Shizuo could do the exact opposite with him. The beast was dumb and stupid, slow to think, no brains and all muscles, and yet why did it seem so _easy_ for him to read Izaya’s mind, when he could hide his true feelings and thoughts from anybody else? Why couldn’t he control Shizuo, and why could Shizuo control him so well?

It was infuriating, frustrating how he never knew how to deal with a monster so unpredictable who could make him look weak, who could surprise him with the least expected words and leave him with a dumbfounded expression and break his masks so easily? He hated that, hated how Shizuo could read through him when no one else could; hated how the monster could induce such hate and interest in him at the same time, and hated how he felt more and more attracted to him as the days went by. The more Shizuo became unpredictable, the more Izaya wanted to destroy him and lay his thoughts bare, the more he wanted to know him, the more he wanted to…he didn’t even know what he wanted anymore.

All he knew was that he was losing. Shizuo was winning again, Shizuo had him wrapped around his finger and was making him go crazy with assumptions and misguided feelings. Last thing he knew, the beast was apologising to him. _Apologising!_ It was such an absurd action coming from the beast that Izaya felt all his brain cells frying themselves trying to understand why the hell Shizuo had done that. Yes, the beast was stupid and rude in jumping to conclusions about his involvement in a yakuza fight the week before, even though Izaya kept claiming that it wasn’t his fault; if he was the culprit, he would have been the first to admit that, and Shizuo knew it, yet the monster had chosen to ignore one of the few times when he was being honest and just chose to yell at him, accuse him with such spite in his voice that Izaya had felt weird. Even odder was the fact that despite telling the truth when he told Shizuo he only wanted the beast’s hate and nothing more, he didn’t like hearing those accusatory words coming from him. He had felt…empty, hurtful.

Once again, Shizuo had managed to hurt him. And he hated that. Nothing could hurt him, not anything, not anyone. He was above all, he thrived on misery and anger directed at himself, on the feeling of being an evil god, the only evil god his humans could count on. He was perfect; he couldn’t be defeated, contradicted or hurt. Yet Shizuo, and only Shizuo, had the power to do those three things to him, and more, which made him his only and strongest weakness, his Achilles heel. Shizuo made him feel vulnerable, like his mind was being searched every time chocolate bright eyes looked at him and seemed able to see just everything he had to hide because he was afraid of showing.

It was dangerous. He couldn’t let Shizuo know any more about him. He was satisfied with the beast thinking he wasn’t anything but a cruel, cold and manipulating bastard without any real feelings; he thought it was funny when people called him a psychopath, and he would be happy if Shizuo could stick to that and stop trying to see if there was more to him, because there was. He didn’t want anything else from Shizuo but hate and fury, because otherwise he’d be digging his own grave, planning his own downfall, stabbing himself in the heart with his own knife. He was afraid that the monster would discover that Izaya’s greatest weakness was Shizuo himself, and God knows what Shizuo would do with that information. No, Izaya couldn’t allow him to have these feelings and have the power to hurt him in ways that no one had hurt him before, in ways that only Shizuo could hurt him.

He couldn’t allow that. At the same time, he couldn’t stop what they had begun months ago. Maybe he had been repressing his desires for too long. He knew how to control his feelings and knew the right amount to show when talking to someone or analysing a dangerous situation. Contrary to what many people thought, he _had_ feelings, he just didn’t allow any of them to have control over him and dictate his actions; instead, _he_ controlled his emotions and therefore was able to analyse any situation more rationally, seeing things other people couldn’t, unbiased and in control of his acts and what really needed to be done to get the exact result he wanted. But in regards to Shizuo, he must have overdone it. In his desperation to hate the monster so much, in his desperation to try and understand him as objectively, distantly and coldly as he could, he ended up supressing much more of his emotions and instincts than he would have done normally; and this made him unable to react to Shizuo’s quirks. He had tried so much to shut his feelings for this monster that they ended up growing impossible to control.

He couldn’t control his feelings for Shizuo, and he was confused because his feelings for the beast grew so wild and rebellious that he didn’t know how to interpret them and how to hide them. And he felt that the more he indulged himself in his desires for Shizuo, the more uncontrollable they grew.

But he couldn’t stop anymore.

And it was so frustrating that he didn’t want to do anything about the dangers anymore, even though he knew that he would be the one to get hurt at this rhythm.

**

A week had passed since his last meeting with Izaya, in a dark and empty street after the attacks in Ikebukuro had come to a stop because of the flea and his contacts in the mafia. Celty had explained the complete story to him the very next day, and although he didn’t like the power that the yakuza had in his neighbourhood, not even he was stupid enough to defy a group that had infinite contacts and illegal firearms, and could go after his family if he tried anything funny.

He also didn’t like that someone as dangerous as Izaya was so deeply involved with them, but given what he knew about the flea, this actually wasn’t surprising at all. He was just feeling annoyed at how everything had ended last week between him and Izaya. The unmistakable hurt in those crimson dark eyes when Shizuo accused him, the anger so uncharacteristic of the flea showing in his face, and Shizuo realised he could read him like an open book and identify everything Izaya was trying to hide.

And he truly felt bad for the wrong accusation, and apologised because he thought that was what Izaya wanted to hear; but the flea was so complicated, so in denial that everything backfired and they ended up fighting once again. But then Izaya was screaming at him, “I don’t need your apologies because the only thing I’ll accept from you is your hatred”. Why? Why did he want to be hated so much? Perhaps it was what he was most used to, especially coming from Shizuo, so maybe seeing him showing Izaya an emotion other than hate had confused him, made him think Shizuo was faking it, manipulating him. Ha! As if. The manipulating bastard was Izaya himself, not Shizuo. It was astounding how someone as clever and quick-witted as Izaya could fail to realise the most obvious things when it came to Shizuo.

But the flea had been stupid and they ended up throwing insults at each other, conflicted and angry. Well, this time it was mostly Izaya. Although Shizuo thought that the flea was a horrible person who didn’t deserve an ounce of trust, Shizuo had been wrong this time, and as part of his principles, he apologised to the idiot, who instead of accepting it and moving on with life, had told Shizuo a bunch of non-sense words and left like he was some fucking drama queen. And Izaya had been ignoring Shizuo since them.

He was starting to get itchy. Perhaps he and Izaya had developed a bad habit of meeting for fucking. Izaya was ignoring him completely, not even showing up in Ikebukuro, so they weren’t fighting nor fucking anymore. Months ago, he would have thought that it was the most wonderful thing to ever happen, what, not seeing the bastard for weeks and weeks to no-end. But now…now it was different. Now they had something else going on for them. And now he knew he was right when he first compared Izaya to cigarettes. Maybe, just maybe, he was becoming addicted. He knew it wasn’t good for his health, he knew it could kill him and it probably would, but after tasting it for the first time, he had to have more. He couldn’t stop. The hate wasn’t so strong when he had Izaya so bare and honest with him in bed, so naked of soul that he could forget all the hateful thoughts and just treat him normally for a few minutes, just feeling good with him in those moments of shallow intimacy.

Because it was just that, right? It was shallow, but it was good. It was intimacy, and it was with _Izaya_ of all people, but it felt so good that his body craved for more each time. They hadn’t even fucked that many times – about ten or twelve times, maybe, he wasn’t really counting, though he suspected Izaya was – but it had already become a necessity, something he missed, something he craved for, something he wanted to have. He wanted Izaya, naked and pale and moaning in pleasure, not _faking_ or trying to _repress_ his true feelings like he did in any other situation.

But of course Izaya wouldn’t make anything easy for him. The flea must still be angry only God knew why. He wouldn’t back down and hurt his pride for Shizuo’s sake, never, impossible, zero chance. Instead, they were playing this new game of ignorance, where Izaya had stopped contacting him out of spite and Shizuo was starting to feel the effects of abstinence of that new addiction. Sometimes he would think back to the last night they fought and would reassure himself that Izaya had said ‘the next time we fuck’, so there would be a next time, right? He wouldn’t have said that if he wanted to stop completely. Izaya had said they would fuck again, so he would just have to wait a little longer; though the flea had also said right after that he would try to kill Shizuo during his orgasm, so that was something to take into consideration as well. But he was pretty confident that Izaya wouldn’t be able to kill him during sex when the flea could barely move when they were done.

He just needed to be patient and accept Izaya’s rhythm. It sounded dangerous when putting it like that. But any addiction was dangerous, and Shizuo was apparently willing to take the risks.

**

October was coming to an end, and people were getting excited about the Halloween. Well, mostly people who enjoyed horror stories and cosplays. For Shizuo, the end of October only meant that the weather would be getting colder and colder from then on. He didn’t mind the cold much, but sometimes the wind blew strong in the streets while he was doing his job and sometimes that pissed him off. The fact that Izaya was ignoring him and his body was starting to miss him still pissed him off, but it was not like he could do anything about it.

Wandering the streets of Ikebukuro during his break, he met Simon doing his usual job of luring clients into his restaurant. Simon seemed peachy and unaware as always, greeting Shizuo when he passed in front of him.

“Oh! Shizu-oh! Puberty over, much hunger, eat sushi!” He said in his strange Japanese.

“Yo, Simon. Sorry, I’ll have to pass today.”

“Tom-san, Vorona, not with Shizu-oh? Work hard, eat hard. Eat sushi!”

“No, our shift starts later.”

“Oh! So work hard later, need energy, eat sushi!”

“I already said no.” Shizuo felt a vein bulging in his forehead. Simon could be annoying when he wanted to. He thought it was better to keep walking before Simon could piss him off and he would try to beat him.

“But we have discount! Pay one, take two, any dish! Fish dish, meat dish, love dish, any dish! Shizu-oh hungry now?”

“Look, I already had lunch. If you offer discount tomorrow, I’ll think about it.” He started to walk away, but Simon just kept blabbering. 

“Oh, no good. Discount only today! Tell friends, man need money, friends need food! Tell Izaya, ootoro included in discount!” Shizuo froze in the spot at the mention of the flea’s name. Why was Simon telling him…what was Simon insinuating…he couldn’t have known that…

“What?” He tried to make it sound angry rather than confused. “Why would I tell the flea anything? Huh?!”

“Because friends help. Shizuo, Izaya, friends. Fighting is no good. Food is love, you eat, you happy, you become friends. Tell Izaya, Shizu-oh, you eat ootoro, Izaya eat ootoro, Izaya pay, you get happy, you no fight no more.” Oh, Simon was just being his usual self. Shizuo felt stupid for thinking that the man was insinuating anything. It’s not like anyone could know about his secret encounters with the flea.

And Simon had always tried to make them stop fighting, ever since high school. And it hadn’t stopped still. Apparently, Simon had made his life mission to force the two of them to get along. Although he appreciated the well-intentioned thought, he wasn’t too excited about it. Shizuo just sighed and waved goodbye. “Yeah, whatever. I’ll tell him.”

Hours later, when his shift was over and he had said goodbye to Tom-san and Vorona, making his lonely way home, feeling the cold wind through his hair and looking at the starless sky, his thoughts went back to Izaya. He missed the man. No, he didn’t miss _Izaya_ , he only missed kissing him, touching him and having him bare and whole for Shizuo to appreciate. _Yeah, like this isn’t even more disturbing_. He shook his head, trying to make the thoughts disappear. He wasn’t thinking straight, hadn’t been ever since that first fateful night. Izaya messed with him in ways he never thought possible.

And so, without thinking properly, he picked his cell phone from his pocket and searched for Izaya’s number. He didn’t even consider what he was about to do, he just did it. He felt like he needed some confirmation that Izaya was still there.

_[Simon asked me to tell you that Russia Sushi is offering discount in ootoro tonight.]_ It was a stupid message with a stupid thing to say, a poor excuse to start a conversation, but it was the only thing he had.

The reply came a minute later.

_[Drop dead.]_

Yeah, it wasn’t exactly what he was expecting. Why did Izaya have to make everything so much more complicated than it could be? He felt the vein again pulsing in his forehead, and was soon typing.

_[Are you still mad because of whatever since that night?]_

The reply took longer this time, and Shizuo was already inside his apartment, taking his shoes off, sitting on the couch.

_[It’s so pitying that you think you hold that much prestige over me, Shizu-chan. Did you forget that I couldn’t care less about you? I have billions of humans to love and you’re not one of them.]_

Stupid fucking flea. Shizuo wouldn’t just accept those idiotic insults.

_[Well, you sure are making a big deal about it for someone who doesn’t care.]_

He had to wait five minutes for the reply.

_[Why are you doing this, Shizu-chan? If you just want to fuck you could say it directly instead of wasting my time with useless and stupid excuses.]_

Okay, so Izaya had realised. Did he sound that desperate? He didn’t think so. Yet he did. He wanted Izaya again but didn’t want to admit it to the man because he knew he would be mocked. But Izaya had a point and he didn’t wanna give the man any more reason to insult him, so he didn’t know what to answer. In the end, he didn’t. He just took a cold shower and cursed Izaya mentally until he went to bed. Next time he saw the pest in Ikebukuro, he would be sure to pin him down and fuck him hard.

**

Izaya wasn’t feeling particularly good at the end of the day, with so much work to do and an annoying Namie prying into his life, but getting that text message from Shizu-chan had been the high point of it all. He found the contents of the message weird; what kind of enemy sends a text talking about discount on delicious food? Shizu-chan must be wanting something more, maybe an excuse to talk to him? It would be hilarious if the monster found out that he missed Izaya after all. It made him feel happy about himself, because then it meant that he wasn’t the only one in his neglected desires. Shizuo was suffering from abstinence as well. How…interesting.

He also felt more optimistic in having correctly guessed what the monster really wanted when Shizuo didn’t reply to his assumptions. Yes, life was good and he still had it in him. Again he felt the illusion of having after all a little control over his monster. Shizuo wanted him, but he couldn’t have him unless Izaya gave him permission. He started laughing out loud when he imagined Shizuo with a boner, unable to get any release without the help of his own monstrous hand. Having control over a person’s desire and making them suffer because of that felt good. He liked that. He liked that it was especially Shizuo.

He decided he would relish this satisfaction a little longer. Let Shizuo wait for him, thirst for him, think about him so much that he would start getting angry at not having what he wanted. Let the beast squirm with desire while he laughed at him. It didn’t matter that he would have to ignore his own body and his own needs, as long as Shizuo suffered a little.

**

Izaya made Shizuo wait for another week. Halloween was just around the corner and Ikebukuro streets at night were crowded; people with costumes of every kind, eating candies and having fun with friends in karaokes, movie theatres and game arcades. Unfortunately for Shizuo, everything was pissing him off, and he just wanted to finish his shift and go home to sleep. After some stupid guy dressed as Dracula offered to suck Vorona’s blood and turn her into his Night Queen and Vorona had broken his front teeth in retaliation, Tom-san thought it would be better if they just went home before another disaster could occur.

On his way home, Shizuo began to think that Izaya didn’t even need a costume, for his flea personality was so prominent that all he had to do was exist and he was already in character. Izaya probably thought the same about him. He could hear the mockery already: “why, I loved your monster costume Shizu-chan, but why did you decide to wear it all year long?” _Argh. Annoying._

And just as he was thinking about the bastard, Izaya was suddenly at his face; smiling the devil’s smile, his eyes shiny and red, blood red, so red in the dark street that Shizuo was actually caught by surprise.

“Flea? What the hell, scaring me with your stupid face.”

“Good evening, Shizu-chan.” Izaya smiled, showing his white teeth. “Missed me?”

Shizuo scoffed, resuming his previous walking pace. Izaya followed him, seeming dangerously cheerful. “What are you smiling about?” Shizuo finally asked with a tinge of annoyance in his voice.

“Oh, nothing. Just a joke I remembered.” Liar. He was probably laughing because of something wicked he had caused. “Aren’t you going to ask me what the joke is about?” Shizuo sighed; he really didn’t have time for Izaya’s non-sense, and he could guess the answer already, so he remained silent, knowing that Izaya would just keep talking no matter what. “You are the joke, Shizu-chan. A real monster who attacks everyone and everything in broad day light and who hides on Halloween night. Such a pathetic lonely creatur–”

“Shut up, will ya? I don’t give a crap about Halloween.” Izaya chuckled behind him.

“Me neither, to tell the truth. Humans are much more interesting than monsters.” Shizuo just ignored him. Maybe it would make him stop.

They were in front of Shizuo’s apartment, and Izaya behaved well and followed him upstairs in silence. The monster’s apartment was exactly how Izaya remembered it a month ago. Nothing had changed. So boring.

Shizuo stored whatever crap he had bought in a convenience store in his fridge, and Izaya waited in the living room, taking his coat off and leaving it on the couch. It was better than risking Shizuo tearing it apart when trying to undress him. He heard footsteps behind him, turning around slowly with a malicious smile on his face. Shizuo spent two minutes in the bathroom, and after he was out, he went to the bedroom, turned on the lights and made an impatient gesture for Izaya to come inside.

“I really hope you washed your hands.”

“Very funny.”

As soon as they were both in the room, Shizuo closed the door (Izaya never understood the point if he lived alone) and immediately attacked his lips. He could feel what one month without sex had done to a beast like Shizuo, but he would never admit that he himself was equally desperate. Shizuo didn’t waste time in undressing both of them still standing up, aggressively tugging at their shirts and pants. Soon they were naked and Izaya was tossed in the bed, eyeing his predator hovering over him with some wicked satisfaction. Shizuo kissed him hungrily, tearing at his lips, grabbing his skin and squeezing it tight, eating him alive. He wasn’t complaining. On his part, he also missed touching Shizuo’s tender skin, feeling strong muscles so soft in his hands and pulling at blonde hair, feeling powerful and powerless at the same time, in a way that only Shizuo could make him feel.

“Yeah, you missed me alright.” Izaya whispered, satisfied, and Shizuo bit hard on his lip in retaliation until he felt the taste of metal and the sweet pain of the tiny aggression. Shizuo soon moved to his neck before he could protest, biting more than kissing, sucking hard to leave angry marks. Izaya could feel the desperation, could feel the hard cock between his legs and Shizuo’s. He laughed out loud and extended his left hand to grab Shizuo’s cock and pump him. He heard the surprised moan near his ear, and chuckled.

“Do you like when I touch you here, Shizu-chan?” He asked maliciously, relishing in the embarrassment and desperation Shizuo was sure feeling. The monster only grunted, and Izaya bit his bloodied lip. When Shizuo started biting his neck again, he took advantage with his proximity to the man’s ear and whispered, “Do you want me to blow you, Shizu-chan?”

This time, the monster gasped in surprise, releasing the fangs from his neck and looking at him appalled. “What?” Izaya relished in the control he was having over Shizuo’s desires. He decided he wasn’t going to lose anymore.

“I know you like it when I do it to you. Will you refuse now that I’m offering again?”

“Wh-why would you offer it? We already have that…lube thingy, you don’t have to–” Izaya rolled his eyes and sighed, exasperated at how dumb this moron could be.

“God, you’re so _terrible_ at this, Shizu-chan. If you ever decide to talk dirty to me, I think I might end up killing myself.” He saw the anger building up in Shizuo’s expression, smiling at the effect he was having on his enemy. “I offered it because it’s fun.” He added, whispering in Shizuo’s lips. Shizuo still seemed reluctant, but trading that path very carefully, Izaya put both of his hands on the man’s shoulders, locking their gazes and slowly inverting their positions. He decided that _he_ would be in control from now on; that way it was easier to distance himself from whatever might be happening in Shizuo’s mind. The beast eyed him wearily, but didn’t try to push him away when Izaya straddled his waist and lowered his head to kiss the tip of Shizuo’s hardened cock.

Izaya had to admit that he liked doing that. Blowing Shizuo, taking him whole in his mouth, watching the monster squirm in pleasure, being at his complete mercy, vulnerable for once in his damn monstrous life. Shizuo’s cheeks were slightly flushed, and he propped himself on his elbows, watching intently as Izaya licked the head of his cock teasingly before swallowing him whole. Shizuo exhaled in pleasure, dropping his head back and enjoying the treatment. Izaya sucked him hungrily, taking in his mouth all he could get, sucking hard and making lewd noises, eventually scraping his teeth delicately throughout the length, making Shizuo shiver and bite his lip, his hand helping his tongue while he sucked the head and rolled his tongue all over it. Shizuo gaped and gasped, forcing his head up again to watch Izaya do those sinful wonders to his cock. After a few seconds, Izaya looked at him with the hard cock full in his mouth, straining a smile and sucking even harder, and those red eyes pierced him so dangerously he thought he would drown in the colour alone. Before everything was over too soon, he grabbed Izaya by the hair and as gently as he could, withdrew him from that sinful act, raising his head and kissing him deeply, more violently than before; Izaya was ready to sit on his lap, but Shizuo had other plans, to the informant’s frustration, and soon their positions were inverted again.

Izaya grunted softly when he was tossed back in bed not so gently, and Shizuo was over him again, kissing him, biting him and spreading his legs wide open. Izaya kept him waiting for too long, and after a blowjob like that, he didn’t think he could wait any longer. He bit hard at the same place he had bitten before, and Izaya whined in his mouth, and it was Shizuo’s turn to whisper in the other’s lip. “You better be careful, Izaya-kun.”

“You don’t tell me what to do, monster.” Came the acid reply, and Shizuo decided that he had enough. He pressed the smaller body into the mattress, holding Izaya’s legs up by the back of his knees, positioning himself and ready to make the flea shut up, when Izaya squirmed. “The lube, you Neanderthal.” He said grunting while Shizuo continued to tear at his lip.

Shizuo tsked but reached to the nightstand, opening the lower drawer and retrieving the small bottle of lube from there. Instead of giving it to Izaya like the man wanted, he decided that he would be the one to do that, for Izaya’s frustration. He didn’t want to give that kind of control to Shizuo, but he could only gasp in pain when a finger coated in lube was shoved none too gently inside of him. “Careful, you moron!” He spat when he felt the careless invasion, and for a moment, Shizuo looked sincerely worried, looking up at him with a careful look, bending his body to kiss the flea and making his touches lighter and mindful. Izaya had no choice but to accept it. Shizuo’s fingers were rough against his insides, but he was soon wrapping his arms around the monster’s neck, pulling him closer and twisting his feet fingers when the pressure inside of him started to increase. Shizuo soon was adding another finger, testing Izaya’s interior, relishing in that sensation of having him finally pinned down and completely open. He fingered Izaya back and forth, scissoring him and making the flea’s breathing increase in speed. His cock ached in anticipation to replace the fingers, and when he dug deeper and touched a particular spot, Izaya whined and trembled against his lip, and he couldn’t hold back anymore.

He removed his fingers and next the tip of his cock was making its way in, Izaya’s face blushed and sweaty, his eyes scrunched hard and his head dipped back while his left hand propelled Shizuo’s hip. When he was completely inside, Shizuo exhaled a moan and Izaya was breathing faster. Apparently, one month had been a long time. He immediately felt hot and needy, the desire to fuck his enemy so great he immediately started stroking, hard and steadily while Izaya tried to adjust his legs around his waist. Shizuo grabbed him by the back of the knees and raised his legs, making them rest on his shoulders, locking Izaya in place, the new position allowing him to thrust deeper and harder. Izaya was already being quite noisy with the change. With his ankles resting on each of Shizuo’s shoulders, he ignored the awkward position and decided to let the beast fuck him utterly and completely, forgetting all about the hatred he felt and wanted Shizuo to feel for him, forgetting his need for control, forgetting the dangers of being so exposed and vulnerable to an enemy, forgetting everything except for his pleasure in having Shizuo in him, so close and so human, kissing him and fucking him to the point where he would soon be forgetting who he was.

And Shizuo was restless. Shizuo shoved deeper and harder each time, locking Izaya’s wrists on top of his head, making him a hostage, preventing him from trying to hide anything he might be feeling. He watched as Izaya’s face morphed into complete and raw pleasure, the moment he closed his eyes and opened his mouth to emit the moans he couldn’t supress. Shizuo’s thrusts were violent, hitting deep inside of Izaya without ever stopping, bruising him at new angles that made him almost scream and lose control; his prostrate vibrated with each new jab, making him cry out loud, which only made Shizuo prod him more fiercely. He was losing himself again and he didn’t care. It was infuriating how everything he had planned so carefully could crumble to the ground as easily as that, but Shizuo didn’t give him time to think, not when his mind was being invaded with Shizuo’s smell, the sounds of his own moans and the powerful and dangerous spikes of adrenaline and pleasure each time that monster rubbed at his prostate or anywhere inside of him for that matter.

He was addicted. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to stop; he didn’t want to stop, he wanted to be fucked raw like this every time, he wanted Shizuo to hurt him and embrace him and kiss him like his life depended on it. Only one month, but it seemed like much longer; they were desperately trying to feel each other, and Shizuo fucked him mercilessly and he thought the bed would break with the force of the thrusts. Izaya couldn’t supress his moans, and soon he was breathing hard, whispering “harder” in such a desirable way that it made Shizuo go crazy, pounding inside of the man, hitting his prostate and relishing the sounds he would get from Izaya. He didn’t even care that the neighbours might be hearing everything. He only cared about them right now.

The flea started mumbling incomprehensible words as he was getting closer to the climax, and Shizuo remembered the promise of a knife slitting through his throat and gripped Izaya’s locked wrists tighter, kissing him deeply, cutting his air supply and pounding hard inside of him. Soon the flea reached his orgasm and Shizuo followed the next second, falling on top of him, feeling the smaller body shaking under him, the legs dropping from his shoulders as Izaya was held hostage by his own orgasm and lost control of his body. He kept shaking softly until his orgasm had subsided, and only then did he remember how to breathe.

Shizuo got off of him, opening the window to smoke, locking his gaze on the naked and pale body still numb on his bed. Izaya’s chest went up and down while he tried to normalise his breathing, his hair all messy in Shizuo’s pillow.

“You’re such a monster.” Shizuo heard him whisper lazily, the tiredness heavy in his voice. Shizuo exhaled the smoke outside the window.

“What does it say about you, then?” He averted his eyes from the naked body and turned to the starless sky, enjoying the calm that the nicotine gave him.

“Let’s not think about it that way, Shizu-chan.” Izaya’s voice was still breathy and tired. “Let’s say that I’m simply the only person with enough courage to have sex with a monster like you. Who else would be up for it? You destroy everything you touch, but you could never destroy _me_.”

“Bullshit.” Shizuo had heard those taunting words before, but some deep part of his mind knew that something about what Izaya said seemed terribly true. “You say this as if you were so high and mighty in your position. The fact that you’re having sex with someone you call ‘monster’ means that no one else could accept you either, if I’m the only option you have left.”

Izaya didn’t seem fazed by his words, he only raised an eyebrow and smiled amusingly. “That’s where you’re wrong, Shizu-chan. But to make it simple, let’s just say that no particular individual attracts me enough to make me want to have sex with them. _You_ , on the other hand…”

Shizuo looked at him with a dark expression, daring him to complete the sentence. Izaya sat on the bed and looked up defiantly. “You’re so bestial and primitive, so raw and unpredictable that it just makes me curious.”

“So you’re basically saying that you’re attracted to me.” Izaya’s face suddenly turned into a grimace of astonishment, and he started stumbling on his words for some reason.

“W-what? I didn’t say that. Don’t go twisting my words if you don’t have the brains to do so, protozoan. I’m just saying that it’s fun fucking you.” But his face was suddenly blushed and he started fumbling with his hands, avoiding Shizuo’s gaze, getting all defensive. 

Shizuo nodded, pretending to believe. “Okay, Izaya-kun. I think you’re pretty too.” He didn’t know why the words suddenly came out of his mouth, but he didn’t regret saying them, because he thought that was obvious and there was no point in hiding them. But Izaya was suddenly looking at him like he had said that cows could fly.

“What?” Izaya brought both his knees up to his chest, embracing them as if he wanted to hide his nakedness. He scoffed to hide embarrassment and surprise. “Are you listening to yourself? What kind of perverted thoughts can a primitive beast cultivate inside of his stunted brain?”

Shizuo had the insolence to laugh. Izaya’s smile was gone by now. Maybe he shouldn’t have said that he liked having sex with Shizuo. _Stupid, stupid, Izaya! Why did you say that?_ He was regretting having ever suggested that the mere possibility of him feeling something good towards Shizuo was acceptable. It was such a colossal mistake that he just wanted to be swallowed by a black hole in Shizuo’s bed. He thought he was just insulting the monster, but somehow it had turned into this. Shizuo had the upper hand again, and Izaya had fallen right into his trap. That was why he hated the man so much.

“I’m just telling the truth, flea.”

“What truth? There’s no such truth. Stop saying weird things.” The answer came harsher than he intended. Suddenly he realised how naked and vulnerable he really was. “You’re not allowed to say this kind of thing.”

“Why not?”

“Because you hate me!”

“So?” Shizuo smashed the tip of his cigarette in the ashtray on the window. “It’s not stopping us from ‘having fun’. And you just admitted yourself that you’re hot for me.” It was nice seeing how the flea’s ears suddenly turned pink and his face got confused, his inability to keep a mask of neutrality on because he simply didn’t know how to react. Shizuo should try to embarrass him more often.

But Izaya didn’t find it funny.

“Shut up, Shizuo. Don’t just assume what I can or can’t feel. You know nothing about me.” There was contempt in those words, and crimson eyes wanted to pierce through him, shining brightly in anger. Shizuo wasn’t actually expecting that reaction as he picked another cigarette to smoke. They usually didn’t talk so much like this. But he couldn’t stay silent when he disagreed.

“Not true. I know stuff about you.”

“You don’t. You know nothing.” Izaya cut through him like one of his blades.

Shizuo took a drag of the cigarette, exhaled the smoke, feeling calmer than he expected and taking turns between eyeing Izaya on his bed and the night outside his window. Although there was a cold breeze entering the room, he didn’t bother putting on his clothes.

“I know your name. I know your age. I know you have two sisters. I know you live in Shinjuku. I know–”

“I’m not talking about that, moron! I’m talking about personal stuff.” His tone was low, menacing even.

“I know, dumbass. But you can’t claim I know absolutely nothing about you; that’s what I was trying to say.”

“Wow, such important and clever things, Shizu-chan. You deserve a medal.”

Shizuo chuckled to himself, pondering if it was wise of his part to back down now or just give the flea a taste of his own medicine. Just for the thrill, he decided to press Izaya a little further.

“Well, I actually do know more about you than you think. I’m not as dumb as you might think I am, and you’re not so difficult to grasp as you might think you are.” Now Izaya was just looking at him with narrowed eyes, suspicious and ominous, daring him to continue.

“What? Tell me then, Shizu-chan. I’m dying to know. What can you possibly know about me?” His crimson eyes shone dangerously, daring Shizuo to cross the line. Shizuo welcomed the challenge, smashing the cigarette in the ashtray.

“I know the size of your dick.” Izaya scoffed immediately after, as if he wasn’t expecting such a dumb reply.

“Is that it? Wow, I’m impressed.”

“Well, it’s not exactly public knowledge, is it?” Suddenly, Shizuo changed his posture. He backed away from the window, walking slowly towards the bed, not caring that he was fully naked, and something in his gaze made Izaya weary, and he lifted his head a little, not knowing what to expect. “Also…” Shizuo prepared to give the final blow in lowering and impactful whispers. “I know you like to play silly board games, especially chess. I know your favourite food is ootoro. I know you’re addicted to coffee because you taste like it about half the times we kiss.” He was getting closer and closer with each phrase he said, and Izaya started backing away in the bed until he reached the headboard and couldn’t escape any longer. Shizuo was right in front of him, locking their gazes without ever stop talking. “I know how high you can jump using your parkour skills. I know how you act when you’re close to an orgasm. I know you get groggy after sex. I know the way you bite your lip when you want to supress your moans. I know you broke you left arm once and your right leg twice. I know you’re afraid of dogs. I can tell which shampoo you use based on how your hair smells. I know just the most sensitive spots in your neck to torture you. I know my mattress hurts your back. I know you hate cigarettes and almost can’t stand the smell when I smoke. I know how you bite your thumb when you’re thinking hard about something. I know you’re left-handed ever since you attacked me for the first time with a knife. Should I keep going?”

At this point, his face was centimetres from Izaya’s, pinning the man in place, straddling his body seated on the bed, making it impossible for him to run away. There wasn’t even a trace of a smile on Izaya’s face, his eyes wide, his face pale and astonished, looking more anxious and desperate as he heard Shizuo list all the things he knew about the informant, things he didn’t even suspect the beast knew about, simple things yet things he never meant to share. Never in his life had he felt more naked, vulnerable and weak. He thought he was in control. He thought he could take advantage of the situation, that he would eventually learn how to deal with Shizuo, maybe even tame the beast and finally turn him into his pawn. But it seemed that he had been the pawn this whole time.

He was taking shallow and controlled breaths when Shizuo finally stopped listing all the things he knew about Izaya, with no courage to speak or retaliate. He thought he was above Shizuo; hearing the man saying everything he knew, like it had been so easy to discover, made Izaya feel powerless. Like Shizuo was on the same level with him, like Shizuo was the one who could read his mind, control his thoughts and manipulate him.

“See, Izaya? I know more about you than you probably wanted.” Shizuo wasn’t mocking him now, watching as Izaya’s expression was a mix between anger, perplexity and fear. Yes, fear. He wasn’t used to letting people know him, even the simplest things. He was terrified of opening himself, of letting anyone into the shield he had built around himself for protection. He was afraid of trusting and being trusted. He was afraid of letting anyone into his mind; he probably wasn’t able to feel comfortable around anyone. And for the first time in his life, Shizuo empathized with him; Shizuo understood him.

“I…I…you…” The informant tried to retaliate, but couldn’t. He could feel Shizuo’s eyes staring intently at him, like he was seeing inside his soul, stripping him of all his secrets, letting his insecurities bare for Shizuo to see and laugh at. “You don’t…” He couldn’t.

“It’s okay, Izaya.” He tried to say, their faces centimetres apart. “I bet you also know stuff about me. You’re an informant after all, right? Tell me.” Izaya glared at him, barely hiding his contempt. He thought he was being fooled, mocked at. “Tell me. What do you know about me?”

Shizuo didn’t know why they were exercising like that. But it seemed important. And knowing Izaya, he would never want to lose in anything. He took two deep breaths and soon his beautiful face was bold and full of anger.

“I…I know the size of your dick too, and considering it should be a monster’s dick, I’m frankly not impressed.” Shizuo grinned, but let Izaya continue. The flea was now showing hints of a smirk. “I know you still have the scar in your chest from the first time we fought. I know there’s always milk in your fridge and cup noodles in your cupboards. I know how much money you own the city due to public property damage. I know your favourite milkshake flavour is strawberry. I know you failed your first driver’s test and gave up trying again. I know your favourite brand of cigarettes. I know you suck at math. I know…” He suddenly stopped talking. His mind went blank. He thought there was more. He thought he knew more than just that about his archenemy, the man he’d been studying ever since they first met. “I know…”

Shizuo never let Izaya finish his sentence, and was soon kissing him again, gently pushing Izaya’s head into touching the headboard, feeling the dried blood on his lips for his earlier bites, tasting Izaya as he had never tasted anyone before, feeling cold hands tangling in his hair, taking control of the kiss and deepening it until Izaya whined softly, moving down to the man’s neck, watching as he squirmed and sighed when he kissed at just the right spots. He brought his lips close to Izaya’s ear and felt the informant shiver. “Oh yeah, almost forgot…I know I like kissing you, and I know you like kissing me too.” Izaya shivered once again upon hearing those words, and Shizuo backed away to let him breathe, watching the confused and absent expression on his face, feeling a sort of satisfaction for managing to have that impact on someone like Orihara Izaya.

Izaya didn’t say anything after that. He shut his lips tight and refused to look at Shizuo again. After a few seconds, he dragged himself out of bed and started to dress up.

“Will you ignore me for another month again?” Shizuo asked as Izaya hastily put his pants on.

Izaya wouldn’t. He would just be losing if he did so, he would be admitting that Shizuo’s stupid words had had an impact on him; if he chickened out now, it would be the same as admitting Shizuo was right about him.

“I hate you. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.” He repeated like a mantra, fast and hoarsely, trying to convince himself that it had to be true, otherwise he had already lost. “I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.”

Shizuo just looked at him sadly when he was done. Their eyes met and he didn’t want to think too deeply on everything Izaya’s eyes were letting show. “It’s just for the fun, right, Izaya?”

“Drop dead, monster.” And without looking back, he turned around and was out of the apartment thirty seconds later, making sure to smack the door shut as hard as he could.

“See you next time, Izaya-kun.” He knew Izaya would be coming back soon. He was sure of that now.

He just wasn’t sure of what to make of that new situation. If he started being honest with himself at that point, he thought he wouldn’t be able to turn back.

And since he was already addicted, he knew everything would just get worse from then on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lately I've been watching book reviews, mostly books that originated from fanfic or are self-published. Even though I'm just doing this for fun, I want to get better at writing, and this chapter ended up becoming longer than I expected...oh well. Let me know if you find any mistakes!


	8. Bruise

Izaya gasped as Shizuo pounded inside him with enough strength to make him shiver in pain and pleasure. He was propped up in bed by his knees, his stomach and upper body touching Shizuo’s lumpy mattress, his arms folded up and hands grasping the sheets, while his lower body was supported by his knees and rough hands grabbed his buttocks and abused his insides like wanting to rip him apart. He was on the verge of laughing out loud, but the pressure of Shizuo’s cock inside him and the aggressive way in which the beast was fucking him just made his mind go blank with shots of pleasure and instead of laughs he could only moan as he felt himself getting closer and closer of coming undone.

It had all been worth it in the end. He was feeling depressed until twelve hours ago, but not anymore. Since the last time they had sex, which was six days ago, Izaya had left the beast’s apartment feeling defeated and underestimated. The pathetic way in which Shizuo thought he could manipulate him, as if _Izaya_ was the one with severe brain impairment and _not_ some bleached beast was quite infuriating and it got him for a while. He had only felt sickness when Shizuo started acting all high and mighty as though he had some control over Izaya and who he really was. Ha! Poor beast. As if listing out loud a number of useless details he had gathered about Izaya could make him superior or could pose any disadvantage in their fight for control in that weird relationship. For one thing, half of the things Shizuo had listed about him last time weren’t a secret at all. Everyone who he talked to on a regular basis knew ootoro was his favourite food and that he liked coffee (who didn’t?); everyone who had studied with him or who had been in a fight with him knew he was left-handed, so no big deal as well; what was Shizuo trying to accomplish with that idiotic little game of power?

Of course, in the heat of the moment, Izaya admitted that he may had lost his cool a bit, storming out of the beast’s apartment and even forgetting his coat there, which had surprisingly stayed in the same spot on the couch for six days in one piece. Until, of course, Izaya decided to stop moping and instead, shatter Shizuo’s frail illusion of thinking he had any sort of advantage towards Orihara Izaya, because Shizuo fucking didn’t. He would make sure of that. He just had to act like nothing had happened at all.

Shizuo knew nothing about him. Nothing that actually mattered, really, and he would never know either, because Izaya wasn’t one to give information about himself freely, especially not to his most hated enemy. So the beast could keep his delusions that he had Izaya ready to read like an open book and that he had some sort of advantage because of that; let the beast think he had won something, and Izaya would make sure to revert the situation back to what it was: just random shallow moments of sex that meant nothing at all, impersonal and emotionless, all flesh and pain and rawness and no feelings, no caring, no tenderness whatsoever. The only thing he wanted from Shizuo was his hatred, he didn’t need anything else. He couldn’t have anything else, for if he did he would fall from grace. There couldn’t be anything between them besides hate and the will to hurt (and also the occasional sexual stimulus to spice things up a little and prevent his boredom).

So Izaya decided that he wouldn’t give Shizuo the satisfaction to win over him. And after six days of keeping away from Ikebukuro and the beast, today he was finally able to smirk again, to piss Shizuo off enough that now only the anger was left. Shizuo had a very simple mind, and although he often ruined Izaya’s plans with his unpredictable and erratic behaviour, his actions could actually be accurately predicted in certain circumstances. For example, Izaya knew Shizuo would always react the same if random thugs started pissing him off or picking a fight with him. So today he sent some after Shizuo while he was working, and watched from afar as the beast showed the world who he truly was, and made the men fly across the blue sky, earning smashed bones and pained screams from his victims. There it was, the beast he knew and loved to hate. And when everything was over and the thugs were all sprawled on the ground, bleeding and unconscious, Shizuo was fuming with fury, and Izaya relished the satisfaction of still managing to provoke that marvellous state of inhumanity in him.

Shizuo knew those thugs had been sent by Izaya, because he had done that countless times before. No one would be stupid enough to simply approach a man in a bartender’s uniform in Ikebukuro and willingly pick a fight with said man, which only meant that they were most likely men from out of town sent by someone, and well, this someone was always Izaya, as the beast had learned through years of experience.

It had been funny when Shizuo got to his apartment with that angered look and suddenly saw Izaya seated on his couch with a wide smile splattered across his face. The beast took one look at him and another at the open window and grunted menaciously, which made Izaya’s smirk even wider.

The beast could have beaten him bloody then; he was furious, his patience was gone, and the culprit was right in front of him; instead, he had pulled Izaya in for a violent kiss, and now Shizuo had been fucking him senseless for almost ten minutes, with Shizuo kneeling in bed and fucking Izaya on his back, the way he preferred when he was pissed off and didn’t want to see Izaya’s face and get even more pissed off; Izaya was going crazy, and he felt he would come very soon; it was to be expected that a monster like Shizuo would have such high levels of stamina and could last as long as it took for him to completely discharge himself, and this time, he apparently had a lot to unload.

He could feel Shizuo’s anger towards him in the aggressive way in which he grabbed his hips and the fast speed and brutality he would put in his thrusts. Being fucked by an angry Shizuo was perhaps a new favourite of his; he just loved to see the ferocious expression in those chocolate coloured eyes, the way Shizuo grunted each time he thrusted, the way his hands would hurt Izaya’s skin and the way he seemed to be punishing Izaya for being such an idiot. But he didn’t care. He was enjoying that, even if it was rougher than the previous times; maybe Shizuo was a little too pissed off.

His body was pressed even further into the mattress as his hair was pulled painfully and his neck exposed, sharp teeth digging into soft skin and leaving yet another mark. When he tried to tangle his fingers into blonde hair, his wrist was harshly grabbed by Shizuo’s free hand and lowered to the mattress again, while the hand holding it caressed the rest of his arm roughly, squeezing all the way up to the shoulder. Izaya’s hips were raised again and he couldn’t control his muffled whines anymore, and if he bit his already bleeding lower lip, he would definitely tear his own skin. Fortunately, release came three powerful thrusts later for him, and his body jumped and spasmed while he dragged his last moan and shook while the most wonderful sensation numbed his muscles. He could barely feel Shizuo pounding inside him anymore, until he felt the hot liquid filling him up and Shizuo let go of his hips, letting Izaya fall ungraciously in the mattress. The beast let himself fall even more ungraciously on top of him, his heavy yet soft body pressing him, and he could feel the monster’s breathing near his ear and hear his heart beating fast on his back.

Still inside of him, Shizuo thrusted twice more, maybe to completely empty himself, his hands gruffly roaming Izaya’s body and arms. Finally the beast finished everything with the unexpected, because even in sex, he always had to be unpredictable: he kissed Izaya’s cheek and lightly bit his back near the right shoulder, making Izaya shiver while the effects of the orgasm were still in his system, sucking and licking after he was done.

With a satisfied sigh, he got off of Izaya, leaving him half-passed out in bed, lying on his stomach and with his own cum leaking out from the flea’s ass and staining the sheets. Still naked, he opened the window, and Izaya shivered again, this time because the cold wind of early November hit his skin. Shizuo didn’t seem bothered though, and he lit a cigarette and started smoking, looking at the night sky while Izaya let his body come down from the high trip of his orgasm. After being able to breathe normally again, Izaya lazily opened his eyes, seeing a blurred view of Shizuo’s back and butt standing at the window, the smoke of his cigarette carried away by the wind. It somehow frustrated Izaya how Shizuo could recover so quickly after such a wild session. In less than one minute he would be up and ready for another round, while Izaya would always remain lightheaded and dazed, unable to move, much like a sloth, for a much longer time. It just reminded him of what Shizuo said six days ago, _“I know you get groggy after sex”_ and he suddenly frowned in frustration and annoyance, wishing to be able to control his body’s responses.

He lazily moved his legs and arms a bit, involuntarily snapping his neck and groaning like he had just woken up on a Monday morning. His body felt sore and sensitive, more than the other times; he would have to use make up again to hide the angry purple colour on his neck, because even though it was Friday and he wouldn’t be meeting any clients on the weekend, the bruises wouldn’t disappear by Monday. He sighed, tired, unwilling to leave Shizuo’s bed, unwilling to move and stand up at all. He could just fall asleep like that, if he wasn’t in a monster’s lair. He was actually grateful that Shizuo let him stay like that until the stupor was gone and he was able to walk again. Not that he would admit it.

Shizuo finished his cigarette, turning his body to watch the way Izaya was sprawled on his bed like he owned it. Izaya locked his tired gaze with the beast’s, but instead of hearing complaints from Shizuo demanding that he stood up and left already, he was confused to see a frown and a regretful expression on Shizuo’s face.

“What?” He whispered, because his vocals chords weren’t ready to talk normally yet, unable to supress his curiosity upon having Shizuo’s eyes on him like that.

“Your body.” Came the heavy voice. “It’s all bruised.”

Without the heart to get up yet, Izaya lazily eyed his arms and craned his neck a little to check what he could see of his thighs and back. There were yellow bruises from accumulated past weeks fading and new purple big bruises replacing them; his skin was red in some parts as well. The bruises hurt and were ugly to see, but he didn’t mind them.

“So?” He answered in a whisper, lazily, almost giving into the idea of just falling asleep there. Maybe this could piss Shizuo off a little further.

“I bruised you.” He could hear the guilt in Shizuo’s voice, and how he gradually became aware of his monstrosity. In any other situation it would have been funny, but right now it was just boring. “Why didn’t you tell me I was hurting you?” He sounded indignant.

“You weren’t.” He wasn’t in the mood to explain it to Shizuo.

“Look at you!” Shizuo pointed his extended hand to Izaya. “It’s all purple and red. Your legs, your back, even your arms! I…I didn’t mean to…I was angry, I thought I was just…I shouldn’t have…”

Izaya just kept looking at Shizuo’s desperation with cold and emotionless eyes. For some reason, watching the beast suffer because of something so stupid wasn’t funny.

“It’s fine. I don’t mind.” He was glad he had won the struggle to keep his eyes open, because Shizuo’s perplexed expression when Izaya said that – now that was _almost_ funny.

“What do you mean you don’t mind? I hurt you!”

“You didn’t. I’m not a porcelain doll, I can handle it.”

“But…I didn’t want to hurt you while…”

Izaya sighed. It was all so boring.

“I’m sorry. Izaya, I’m sorry.” Shizuo said gravely while he sat on one corner of the bed, looking Izaya deep in the eyes, his expression serious.

“Are you apologising to me again?”

“Of course I am! And don’t give me another crappy speech like last time. Even if it’s you, it doesn’t feel right.”

“I told you it’s fine.”

Shizuo sighed, defeated, scratching his hair and putting on his boxers. They were pale blue like usual. Izaya closed his eyes again, letting his mind wander off to some place away from Shizuo’s guilty look. He couldn’t understand how such a short-tempered inhuman creature who only knew how to hurt and destruct could feel bad for leaving a few marks on the body of his worst enemy. Shizuo never seemed guilty when they were fighting in the streets and Izaya got hurt because of his attacks, but when they were in bed, Shizuo seemed very mindful and careful about his strength like he cared about Izaya’s well-being or any kind of crap like that, and would feel devastated knowing that he had exceeded a little and left harmless bruises on Izaya’s body. Such a difficult creature to understand.

Some people didn’t mind being marked during sex, and some even enjoyed it along with the pain. As for Izaya, he was one of the latter depending on the situation. Sex made him feel good, but pain made him feel alive, like he was risking his life and Shizuo could kill him any minute, and this only served to stimulate him into tasting the dangers of fucking a beast, of doing something no one would ever be able to do.

Soon Izaya started feeling sleepy again, and thought about his relationship with Shizuo and where they were both standing at this point. In their case, sexual release would always be accompanied with anger and bruises; it wasn’t something delicate or pure to be treasured; it was desperate, it was intense and more carnal than sentimental. The high and the excitement couldn’t just be achieved with care and affection, but through aggression and purging. The bruises Izaya exhibited were just the demonstration of Shizuo’s anger towards him, of all the frustration pent up in him so far, caused by none other than Izaya himself. It was his instant karma, and he didn’t mind that.

For him, sex wasn’t a beautiful and loving act, it was savage and full of risks, everything to escape boredom. That’s why Shizuo might be the only creature which could truly satisfy him. And if it meant that his body would be all purple and sore afterwards, then so be it. At least this would serve to remind him of the pleasure and the exhilaration he had felt with Shizuo.

He was suddenly back to reality when he felt Shizuo’s finger poking his cheek painfully.

“Oi, flea, wake up.” Izaya opened his eyes; he must have dozed off. He really hoped Shizuo hadn’t touched his cheek with the same finger he used to prepare him.

Izaya grunted and had to make a reasonable effort to sit on the bed again. He must have overstayed his welcome. Any longer and Shizuo would kick him out.

“You sure you’re okay?” Came the worried question again. He just nodded, thinking it wouldn’t be so bad if Shizuo expelled him, because then he wouldn’t even need to exercise, he would just be carried away; he only hoped Shizuo remembered to pick up his clothes as well.

Shizuo didn’t seem convinced, though. Instead of telling Izaya to fuck off, he went to the kitchen and came back with a chocolate candy wrapped in a cylindrical shape, and offered it to him. Izaya frowned.

“What’s this?”

“What does it look like? It’s sugar. It looks like you’re just gonna fall and die any second.”

Izaya scoffed. “Are you worried about me?”

“No, I just don’t want a dead flea in my apartment. How can you be so skinny?”

Izaya smirked. “I eat just fine. And I don’t want your chocolate.”

“How can you refuse chocolate? I’m being nice to you for a change.”

“Is this how you show how sorry you are for my bruises? With chocolate?” He smirked when Shizuo’s expression twisted in guilt again.

“I only thought–”

“I know what you thought, Shizu-chan, and I’m perfectly fine.” Shizuo huffed, opening the candy and biting half of it, reminding Izaya of an animal.

Izaya supressed a giggle and lazily stood up, searching for his clothes and slowly putting them on.

“You don’t like chocolate then?” Came the unexpected question. Izaya frowned. Why did Shizuo care anyway?

“No. The taste is awful.” He answered matter-of-factly, but Shizuo seemed indignant.

“What? How can you say this? God, that’s why you’re such a miserable pain in the ass.”

This time Izaya laughed softly. “You’re judging my character based on my taste in food?”

“No, but it sure explains a lot.”

“Right. So if I eat chocolate, will I become a better person to you?”

“Maybe.”

Izaya laughed softly again. “You’re such a simple creature, Shizu-chan.” Now fully dressed, he checked his phone for missed calls or messages. Shiki-san wanted to schedule a meeting next week.

“So? Got any problem with that?”

“No. It’s just…interesting.”

“At least I’m not full of bullshit.”

Izaya scoffed, amused, turning his body to face Shizuo, who was now seated on the bed, enjoying the last piece of his disgusting chocolate.

“What kind of bullshit do you mean?”

“Your kind of bullshit. Trying to be superior to everyone else with your shitty plans, ruining people’s lives while being a lonely coward deep down.”

“Ouch. Your words have wounded me deeply.” He raised a hand to his chest, feigning hurt. Shizuo got up from the bed and their bodies were very close again, but Izaya refused to look at Shizuo’s bare chest, instead choosing to smirk at his bestial face. But Shizuo didn’t have an angry expression; it was the same guilty expression that was starting to annoy Izaya.

“Your lip is bleeding.” Shizuo said softly, brushing his right index finger gently over Izaya’s lip, staining it red.

“Courtesy of you.” He didn’t feel bad for making Shizuo feel even guiltier. He didn’t care.

But Shizuo was already with a finger under his chin, craning his neck to the side, exposing all the marks and bites and bruises adorning that sensitive area.

“How can you say you don’t mind that?” He whispered as his other hand trailed a ghostly path over the marks. Izaya struggled not to shiver. “It hurts just looking at it.”

Izaya chose not to answer, leaving it up to Shizuo’s imagination, just smiling sadly while those gentle and light brown eyes tried to pierce through him, maybe wanting to steal a secret, a reason, some kind of truth. Scary, but surprisingly beautiful.

And then Shizuo inclined to kiss him lightly, almost like he could break with the gentlest touch, still holding his chin up, teasing him and touching his lip so softly, like it were an apology. Disgusting. Shizu-chan tasted like a mixture of cigarettes and chocolate. Absolutely disgusting. Yet he went along and allowed Shizuo to claim his lips and open his mouth in a slow and deep kiss, giving away his soul and sensing his life being drained from him. He broke the kiss just when he realised what he was doing, after a considerable amount of time.

“Don’t act so soft with me, beast.” He whispered and gave Shizuo a peck on the lips before smirking and whispering again. “See you next time.”

And this time he actually remembered to grab his coat on the couch and soon he was out the door.

Shizuo tried to ignore the itching in his chest, the feeling that something wasn’t right. The guilt he felt for having bruised Izaya’s body had only become concrete after his desire to possess him had subdued, but it didn’t make him feel better knowing he hadn’t meant that. Yet Izaya was a strange creature in many ways. He liked what other people would probably hate, he ventured beyond when normal people would choose to stop, he laughed when other people would scream, and he accepted Shizuo in his own twisted way when other people rejected him and feared him.

It was scary knowing his enemy was the only person who accepted him and who could do those things with him without actually getting hurt, and the possibility of seriously surpassing the line and really hurting him was terrifying. He knew Izaya could handle him, but he didn’t like those purple bruises so angry and painful. Yet Izaya truly didn’t seem to mind. When a person asks you to hurt them because they want to feel the pain, would it be wrong of you to hurt them or to not hurt them?

With Izaya, Shizuo never knew. The man was an interesting mystery, and he found that he liked trying to decipher him, see into his mind and discover little things about him, to know him better, to try and maybe understand why he was the way he was, why he did the things he did, why he could be such a horrible person, how he could be so annoying yet so desirable, how he could smirk so cruelly yet smile so beautifuly.

Shizuo knew his hatred was still there, and that very same day was proof of that, when he realised Izaya had tried to mess with him again, sending thugs after him to pick a fight, threatening Tom-san and Vorona’s safety, forcing him to use the violence he so much hated. He had been pissed off beyond limit that time, and only wanted to hurt Izaya; well, he finally did so, albeit only half-consciously. But when they were done, he suddenly felt the need to kiss him and suddenly he didn’t hate him that much after all, not even when Izaya had revealed his hatred for chocolate.

He was still confused about all that, trying to find some middle-ground between hating him and having peaceful moments with him. So far he didn’t know where that path would take him, but maybe with time things would get clearer in his mind. Or at least that’s what he hoped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this chapter was considerably shorter than the previous one. I don't know if it'd be better to write more chapters like this or make them longer. Don't want people getting bored...
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading and let me know if you find any mistakes!


	9. Bonding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Hope you like the chapter :)  
> Let me know if you find any mistakes

Izaya had his head tilted back, his eyes tightly shut as his fingers dug deep and painfully into Shizuo’s shoulders. His hair was all messy and sprawled in the pillow, his cheeks flushed while Shizuo never stopped his hard ministrations inside the informant’s ass. Shizuo usually had to restrain himself so not to really hurt him, but Izaya seemed to prefer the rougher treatment, and Shizuo felt a kind of satisfaction in knowing that and fucking him intensely. He knew Izaya was close, he could identify the signs in the crescent desperation of his moans, now muffled screams as Shizuo hit his prostate again and again.

Shizuo was on top of him, his elbows propped up on each side of Izaya’s head, his face directly above that of the informant, watching his every reaction, relishing the pleasure he was making Izaya feel, relieved for knowing that he could make at least one person feel good, relieved for knowing that he could do other things besides hurting and destructing.

He was restraining himself, more specifically, his hands and mouth. Last time, he had been horrified by the quantity of bruises covering Izaya’s body because of his harsh treatment, and despite Izaya saying that he didn’t mind, it just didn’t sit well with Shizuo, and he decided to be more careful with the man, even when he was angry, which surprisingly wasn’t the case today. Izaya had behaved well in the past week, only showing in Ikebukuro to show Shizuo a smirk that meant “later in your apartment”. It was almost like a secret code, something only them could understand, and it made Shizuo tipsy.

Izaya seemed to be in a good mood that day. Usually this meant bad news, for he was most dangerous when he was happy, but that night it only meant that he was spirited enough to give Shizuo an amazing blowjob and to eagerly push his hips against Shizuo’s cock, moaning loudly and whispering desperately “harder, harder” between gasps of pleasure. Shizuo still wasn’t used to that; having Izaya actively asking for him, almost begging for Shizuo in a moment so intimate and powerful was strange at minimum, and exhilarating at maximum. He felt he didn’t hate Izaya in those moments, he felt like he wasn’t such a horrible person, and it was in those times that Shizuo truly found him beautiful.

Izaya screamed sharply, though what came out of his mouth was a desperate rustle as Shizuo changed the angle a bit and hit him hard in exactly that spot that would make him shiver and lose control of who he was. Three more of those thrusts and Izaya was coming hard on his own stomach, the hot liquid staining his skin and his whole body trembling before going completely numb as Shizuo thrusted one last time before coming as well, never averting his eyes from Izaya’s face.

Izaya’s expression when he truly lost control was one of Shizuo’s favourites. It was so honest and raw, something he would never have associated with Izaya before, so full of life and emotions that couldn’t be faked, so against Izaya’s desire to contain it that it was just overwhelming.

And he let himself fall on top of Izaya, their naked chests touching, Izaya’s legs still spread open while Shizuo adjusted in between them, feeling Izaya whimper when the relaxed position made Shizuo’s cock put pressure in his abused insides. But Shizuo stood quiet, still not removing himself from Izaya, resting his head on the pillow beside Izaya’s head, feeling the smaller man’s chest struggle to breathe; he nipped Izaya’s ear while the man calmed down, lifting his head again to observe the way in which the orgasm would finish its job in Izaya’s system and he would slowly return to his normal self. It was almost funny how stunned he would get after sex, dazed and with this fantastical expression in his face and eyes, like he was on some relaxing medication. It truly was amazing to watch him like that.

To make himself more comfortable, he finally withdrew himself from inside of Izaya, removing the condom with one fumbling hand and throwing it at the small trash can beside the bed. Then Shizuo went back to propping his elbows on each side of Izaya’s face, and watch his lazy eyes open slowly and blinking several times until he finally recognized Shizuo’s face above his.

They stared at each other for some time, Shizuo noticing that Izaya’s cheeks were still slightly blushed and his pupils were still dilated.

“What?” Izaya asked in a hoarse whisper. He might be thinking that Shizuo was acting weird. “Aren’t you going to smoke?” Shizuo had developed a habit of smoking after each time they’d do it, but today he wasn’t in a hurry.

He was trying to find something in that beautiful face, and it was making Izaya slightly uncomfortable. Shizuo basically had him pinned in bed, no room to escape, watching him intently, their bodies almost touching. Shizuo just wanted to know, to settle his doubts and understand why he was feeling that way. All the viciousness in Izaya’s voice was gone, all the evilness in his being, all the hatred he usually evoked in Shizuo in any other situation was in a far distant place. Shizuo didn’t hate him now. He was just a normal human being, not the manipulative bastard he grew up hating. He was just…Izaya. And it was weird because even in those moments, some of the anger should still be there. Yet it wasn’t.

Something was happening, he could feel it. Where was his desire to hurt this man? Where was his fury, his will to kill the insect? Gone. And while all of this could manifest again once they were in the streets and Izaya was just messing with him, he didn’t feel the same as he used to before they had started all of this. The angry madness that once consumed him into chasing the flea down and kill him…he couldn’t feel it as strongly as before. Maybe he was going crazy.

Izaya was frowning, confused. He must be trying to decipher Shizuo’s attitude towards him, but Shizuo himself didn’t know exactly what was changing inside of him. He focused his eyes on Izaya’s mouth, a thin scar adorning the lower lip from the times he had bitten into it, guilt washing over him again, but he tried not to let it show. He slowly lowered his head, bringing their bodies even closer and ghosted over those lips, feeling Izaya’s anxious but delicate breathing. He tasted like coffee tonight. Shizuo didn’t like coffee, but he thought that if Izaya didn’t mind his cigarette taste, then he didn’t mind Izaya’s coffee taste. He teased a little, barely touching their lips together, studying Izaya’s reactions, who had tensed his body at minimum when he felt Shizuo so close. Shizuo finally sealed their lips and he didn’t know why he was doing it, he just felt like kissing Izaya. At first it was just a peck, just lips on lips, short and shallow kisses that couldn’t be stopped, and soon he was sucking Izaya’s lips, nipping at sensitive flesh and finally their mouths opened and he kissed Izaya deeply, slowly and gently.

Shizuo could still feel his own taste in the smaller man’s mouth from the previous blowjob, and wondered if Izaya actually enjoyed sucking him off as hungrily as he generally did. Izaya had weird tastes, one of them being in a beast’s bed, accepting a beast’s lips. The kiss was long and consuming. He wanted to touch Izaya more, embrace him; he wanted the man to wrap his legs around his waist like he was doing minutes ago when they were fucking. He thought something must be wrong with him for wanting that, and felt like Izaya would surely slit his throat if Shizuo tried enveloping his body in his arms. So he restrained himself, wondering why he was suddenly feeling so emotionally attached to that physical act.

Shizuo broke the contact but didn’t stop the ministrations, this time trailing a path of light kisses from Izaya’s lips to his left cheek and jaw, reaching his ear and going down in his neck, sucking gently and kissing every bit of skin he could find. Izaya sighed and bent his neck to give Shizuo better access. Some parts of his neck were still purple and yellow from previous times, but this time he didn’t want to mark Izaya, he just wanted to caress him, to do something other than hurt. He kissed the left side, moving to the centre, finding Izaya’s Adam’s apple while the flea tilted his head back even further; Shizuo continued until he reached the right side of his neck, kissing there too, waiting for the moment when Izaya would start laughing and mocking him for trying to be gentle, but this moment never came so he didn’t stop. Soon he was kissing collarbones, moving to the centre again, going down with his kisses to the informant’s chest. He felt Izaya’s breathing fasten and grow slightly more erratic, and the skinny body tensed when Shizuo reached the midriff region. He wondered if it was too much, if he had gone a little further than Izaya was comfortable with. He imagined himself kissing Izaya’s chest, his nipples and abdomen, around his navel and even further down. Only thinking about it made his face hot and his cock twitch, and he wondered if Izaya was thinking about the same possibility.

He kissed Izaya’s chest one last time before giving up on that idea for today; Izaya seemed tense; maybe he was finding everything Shizuo was doing to him weird; after all, they had never done that before, kissing gently after sex; Izaya’s mind might just be chaos right now, the man surely wondering why Shizuo was kissing him like that, which made Shizuo want to kiss him even more if just for the fun it would be to make Izaya confused. But he decided not to torture Izaya much, and his face was again directly above Izaya’s, and crimson eyes looked at him trying to appear emotionless, wearing a careful mask of blankness, like he wasn’t finding all of that weird. But Shizuo knew him better than that.

After a few seconds, Izaya’s left hand was moving slowly upwards, in a mindful, almost cautious move, until finally his index finger touched Shizuo’s face, and soon his whole hand was enveloping Shizuo’s cheek, in a gesture that was almost warm and romantic. Now it was Shizuo’s turn to be confused and alarmed. Izaya’s thumb started caressing his skin while his expression remained blank, almost serious, like he was thinking very deep things about his and Shizuo’s current condition. Shizuo had never been caressed like that before. Izaya’s hand was cool against his skin, but the act didn’t seem devoid of emotion. And soon the hand was reaching for his hair, his fingers intertwining with fallen blonde strands.

Izaya gently moved his fingers through Shizuo’s hair, and Shizuo could more than appreciate that moment of peace and silence between them, even if he didn’t understand it quite right. And he was the one who had started it. He lowered his head to kiss Izaya one more time, briefly now, and when their lips parted, their foreheads touched, and they both stared at each other, trapped in their own thoughts, until Shizuo finally gathered courage to share his.

“Why?” Izaya frowned slightly, waiting for the rest of the question. “Why do I just want to kiss you now?” The question came in a hoarse and shy whisper. He expected laugh as a reply, but Izaya’s fingers never stopped caressing his hair.

“Oxytocin.” Izaya replied, a trace of a smirk in the corner of his lips.

“What?”

“Oxytocin.” Izaya repeated, smiling innocently as he continued talking. “A hormone released in specific occasions, including after sex. It helps increasing social bonds between lovers. Some people even call it ‘the love hormone’. Pathetic, isn’t it?” His hand stopped caressing Shizuo’s hair and fell to the side of his lying body. “So if you’re suddenly feeling the need to cuddle and kiss, don’t worry, you’re not going insane, Shizu-chan. It’s just a chemical response of your body trying to trick you.”

Weird, but nonetheless interesting. Shizuo wasn’t experienced in sex, so he couldn’t have known all the implications the activity would have in a physical and mental level. But he didn’t think a mere chemical could be the sole responsible for what he was feeling right now. What caused his feelings anyway? Were they just the result of chemical and electrical interactions in his brain? It couldn’t be. What he was feeling was real, it wasn’t just his body trying to mess with him, but he wouldn’t voice those thoughts out loud so Izaya could laugh at him and call him stupid.

Shizuo decided to cut the subject by kissing him again, long and deep. He felt Izaya’s hands at the back of his neck, scratching his hair there. Izaya must like his hair, he thought, and then felt the impulse to do the same with the flea’s black and soft hair, but restrained himself. Izaya would think it weird. When Izaya bit him playfully on the lips, he parted, getting off of the man, eyeing his naked body one last time, noticing the purple bruises from previous times, most of them fading to yellow. Shizuo put his boxers on and finally opened the window to smoke. He didn’t see the way Izaya’s body recoiled when the cold wind rushed inside the bedroom, the way he bent his knees and hugged himself when he felt the chill, but he remained lying still, feeling lazy to get out of bed and leave yet.

Shizuo started smoking and Izaya focused his eyes on the ceiling, when the beast’s voice called his attention.

“I saw your sisters today. They were hanging around with this suspicious-looking boy. I didn’t like him.” Izaya frowned, not knowing the point to that topic. Did Shizuo just want to chat? Either way, it was weird, and he was careful in his replies.

“I know this boy. My sisters will be fine.” Shizu-chan was probably talking about Aoba.

“How do you know that? You barely care to watch after them.” It felt like he was being scolded for being a bad big brother.

“They can take care of themselves just fine, they don’t need me and they don’t want my help.”

“They mentioned you. They told me I was allowed to kill you if I introduced them to Kasuka, but I had to promise to kill you quickly so you wouldn’t suffer.”

Izaya scoffed. “How sweet of them.”

“They do care about you, in their own twisted way, which is probably your own fault anyway. How do you think they would react if they could see us now?”

“Don’t care.” Shizuo was strangely talkative. It didn’t sit well with Izaya; what was this brainless beast trying to accomplish? Maybe he should just leave. The wind was making him feel cold, but he wouldn’t ask Shizuo to close the window.

He heard Shizu-chan sighing, exhaling the smoke at the same time. “When was the last time you spoke to them?”

“Why do you care anyway? It’s none of your business.” The answer came harsher than he intended. He didn’t want to give the beast any excuse to pry on his private life. And he didn’t know why Shizuo was asking him such mundane questions.

“You’re right. It’s not.”

Surprised that he didn’t hear retort or angry complaints, Izaya was back at looking at the ceiling again. The yellow light flickered as it poorly illuminated the room. The bulb would burn out soon. He wondered if Shizuo knew how to replace it with a new one without braking anything.

“I threw that chess game away.” Shizuo was saying again. What was he talking about? Then Izaya remembered.

“Oh. Why?”

“It only had three pieces left.”

“You could just buy the missing pieces. You didn’t need to throw everything away.” Stupid Shizu-chan.

“The board was all scratched and folded. It was just occupying space. It was pissing me off, and I don’t know how to play anyway.”

“You could have learned. It’s not that difficult, though it is _you_ we’re talking about.”

“I’m not as stupid as you think I am, Izaya-kun.”

Izaya giggled. “I’m not so sure about that, Shizu-chan.”

“Bet I could beat you if I knew the rules.”

This time Izaya scorned loudly, laughing. “You’re so sweet for thinking that, Shizu-chan. But I honestly do not think you have the brain capacities to learn chess. You see, the requirement to play is to have more than one functioning brain cell.”

Shizuo huffed. “Has it ever existed someone more annoying than you?”

“Have you tried looking in the mirror?”

“Ha-ha. Very funny, considering it’s coming from you. I bet you’d just cheat if we played anyway.”

“How would I cheat in chess?” Izaya was amused by Shizuo’s thoughts.

“Don’t know, but no evil is impossible coming from you. You could just use some dark flea magic and curse the board.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“You could move the pieces while I’m not looking.”

“That would be your fault for not paying attention, and a well-deserved punishment if you ask me.”

“You could invent shitty rules.”

“Again, your fault for not studying the right rules beforehand.” And without realising it right away, Izaya was suddenly smiling in an amused way, like he was really having fun with that silly conversation. “You can be funny sometimes, Shizu-chan.” He finally stopped smiling when his mind started alerting him of dangerous things, and before he could go down that path, he decided it was time to leave. So he stretched his arms and sat on the bed.

“If we ever play chess, I’ll make sure you’ll swallow your words.” 

“We’ll see, Shizu-chan.” Izaya got up and started dressing. Shizuo watched him, and two minutes later, the flea was ready to go. “Well, today was fun. I’ll see you next time, which will be at the end of the month, probably.”

“Why the end of the month?” He didn’t want to sound so desperate or needy, but he wasn’t expecting that, and Izaya saw right through him and smirked that mischievous smirk, the annoying smirk.

“Because I’ll be busy. At least your precious Ikebukuro will be free of my presence until we meet again.”

“That just means you’ll be causing ruckus somewhere else.”

“Exactly. But don’t worry, Shizu-chan; I heard that the longer the wait, the better the fucking.”

“Pff. You could die for all I care.”

“Could I?” Shizuo didn’t answer, but walked towards him and kissed him possessively. There was no point trying to hide that Izaya was his new addiction. Ah, he would miss him for the next three weeks or so.

He let Izaya bite him in the lips before the flea giggled and backed away. “See you next time, Shizu-chan.” And then he wondered if it would feel too weird if he suddenly asked Izaya to stay the night. The flea would probably look at him dumbfounded and throw knifes at him until he was dead for even suggesting something like that. Why would he want that, after all? A flea sharing his bed? And yet the question suddenly popped up in his mind, and it didn’t seem like such a bad idea. He must truly be going insane, and decided that it was not the right time to ask such a question. So he just watched Izaya waving goodbye, still smirking.

“See you.” It was the first time he replied to that rhetorical sentence. Maybe to confirm that it was indeed real.

Izaya was out of the door in seconds, and Shizuo hid his face in his hands. What was happening to him? How long was that oxytocin crap supposed to last? Because he sure as hell was still feeling the inexplicable need to hug and kiss Izaya.

Months ago, it was just sex. Just a physical need to get some release. Impersonal and meaningless.

Now…now he wasn’t so sure.

Frustrated. That’s how he felt. Frustrated at himself for allowing his mind to wander to dangerous paths beyond his control. And it seemed that everything would get worse from now on. The question was: was he prepared to face the consequences?

He didn’t think so, but time wouldn’t wait for him to decide.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I think their relationship is progressing! Now they're kissing and talking more and Shizuo is getting bolder! This gives me some ideas... hmmmmmm..............  
> See you next chapter XD

**Author's Note:**

> I'll be trying to post this in a monthly basis, hope you liked it! Comments and constructive criticism are welcome.


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